Coming Home
by onetimer5
Summary: She had disappeared for nearly a year, leaving them all to fight A. Now she was back. Would her friends understand her reason for leaving? Would he?
1. Chapter 1

I have been following Season 7 recaps but not watching (I don't have cable) so this story isn't canon at all. I just really love Spencer & Caleb together, sorry to all the Spoby/Haleb shippers. I started writing this to appease my own shipper heart :) Hopefully it's not terrible. I'm not a writer, I don't even know why I'm doing this or how long it'll be.

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat as the cab rolled up to her childhood home. She had been gone nearly a year. She didn't know why, but she expected things to look different. Maybe it's because she was different. But the house looked the exact same. Quiet. Dark. Her parents must be working. For some reason she felt like she was intruding on the empty house.

She paid the cab driver for the ride, and a generous tip to haul all her luggage to the door. She grabbed her purse and the only other thing she really cared about and carefully made her way to the door kitchen door.

She noticed the light on in the kitchen and was panicked and relieved at the same time. It would be easier to get this over with before settling in for the night. She just wished she didn't have to do it this way.

"Hi Mom."

It was as if Veronica didn't hear the younger Hastings. If she did, she didn't react right away. Then, realizing the voice was real, she looked up from her papers and looked into her daughter's eyes for the first time in 10 months. A gasp flew out of her mouth as she jumped to her feet. Spencer wasn't sure she had ever seen her mother display that much emotion outside of the courtroom.

"Spencer? You're here?" Veronica could hardly believe it as she rushed over and swallowed her prodigal daughter in tight hug. Spencer was caught off guard; her mom was definitely not a hugger. Maybe some things had changed.

"What are you…how…when did you…" Veronica couldn't seem to put together a coherent sentence, she needed to know everything. It was then that her eyes widened when she realized what was sitting on the floor next to Spencer.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet my son, James."

* * *

 _Flashback_

 _Spencer's had clutched her stomach, her other hand tightening around the pregnancy test. No, no, no, no, no, this cannot be happening. Not now. They were_ so _careful._ She _was so careful. After the scare with Toby she had never wanted to be in this situation again._

 _She sat on the bed, her back hunched over. What was she supposed to do now? What do you do when you find out you're pregnant after breaking up with the father of the baby? The father who had just gotten back together with his ex. Who happens to be your best friend? Could things be more fucked up? How had this happened?_

 _Of course she knew. She was far from stupid. She was the super genius after all. She knew that they had plenty of opportunities to have this happen. But she was so careful. She was on the pill and they always used condoms. Who gets pregnant using two types of birth control?_

 _Now what. There was the logical, practical choice. The one she had considered all the years ago, with Toby. It would have made sense back then. She had so much in front of her. She was healing from everything that had gone down in high school. She was considering her masters. She was living life, finally. A baby with Toby would not have been right._

 _But that decision was made for her. She remembers the relief she had felt when the test was negative. She didn't have to decide. But then it also meant saying goodbye to Toby. Either way that probably would have happened. They weren't looking at the same picture, after all._

 _This time though things were different. She wasn't in college. She could support herself. Caleb would be a good dad. It would kill her to see him happy with Hanna, and oh gosh, would Hanna be her child's stepmom? For some reason that thought made her simultaneously laugh and cringe._

 _What was she thinking about? Oh right. Getting rid of "it". Despite knowing it was the logical choice, the one that would cause everyone the least amount of pain, she didn't really want to think about it._

 _Maybe her feelings for Caleb were getting in the way of the rational part of her brain, but she couldn't think about removing this piece of her and Caleb, or giving it to someone else. Even though things didn't work out the way she wanted, she couldn't help but think that maybe_ this _was the way her life was supposed to be. Maybe she could raise this child and give it all the love she wished she had had when she was younger. Getting pregnant on two forms of birth control has to be some sort of sign, right?_

 _End flashback_

* * *

"Your _son_?" To say Veronica was surprised was inadequate. Gobsmacked may be a better term.

Spencer swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew this would be the first of many difficult conversations. She only hoped her mom would be on her side when she told her the story.

"Yes. My son. That's why I had to leave. When I found out, we were still dodging A, and things were getting worse. I couldn't handle the thought of me or him being threatened; it would have put everyone in danger. So I made it look like I had left for Europe. I've actually been in Arizona."

"Arizona? Why Arizona?" Veronica wrinkled her nose, as if the state was beneath her daughter.

Her mom really was in shock. Normally she didn't feel the need to repeat facts back like this. James had started fussing so Spencer gently unbuckled him from the carseat and lifted him up. He was going to be hungry soon.

"I thought it sounded like an unlikely place to find me." Spencer smirked. "Would you like to hold him?"

Veronica looked apprehensive at first, but one look at the little boy snuggled into Spencer's shoulder softened her. She reached out and carefully pried him from Spencer's arms. He made a face at first but once he was settled in Veronica's arms he went back to sleep. Her first grandchild. If she thought she was happy to have Spencer back she couldn't even put into words how she felt looking down at that sweet face.

"He has the Hastings jaw." Veronica smiled at Spencer.

Spencer beamed at the observation, so proud of her son.

"And his father's eyes."

It was quick, but Veronica caught the slight flinch in Spencer's face at the elder Hastings' second discovery. It was evident that Spencer still had feelings for her son's father.

"I didn't even say who the father was."

"Spencer, honestly. It's not hard to do the math. James looks to be about three months old, based on that you left seven months before he was born. I know you were with Caleb then. Unless you cheated on him, but that doesn't seem like you."

"Really Mom?" Spencer quirked an eyebrow. "Ian? Wren?"

"Oh please, that was years ago. Youthful indiscretion that I should hope you learned from. Besides, you have to do a lot more than kiss to make a baby."

"Well, you're right."

"I know. Besides, even with knowing all the facts, you can tell just by his eyes. He's Caleb's."

"Yes, he is." Spencer sighed.

Veronica was about to question her daughter further, but James decided then that he needed to eat. Since Spencer was still nursing there wasn't much Veronica could do to help. She watched as her daughter pulled a receiving blanket out of the diaper bag and took the screaming infant from Veronica's arms. Veronica marvelled at Spencer. The girl was completely unfazed be her son's sudden demand for food, as she calmly spoke into his ear as she adjusted him in her arms. Once he found what he was looking for under the blanket, Spencer turned her attention back to her mother. She realized the older woman had been watching them.

"You're so good with him."

"I've had some practice." Spencer smirked.

"No, it's more than that. You're a natural. I remember when you were that age. I would have thrown you out the window for screaming like that. In hindsight, I probably suffered from postpartum, but that wasn't something people knew about back then."

Spencer was surprised at the confession. Normally her mother was guarded, and rarely divulged such personal musings. She could tell that it probably wasn't as serious as her mother made it seem, but at the same time it explained a lot about her childhood.

"I take it Caleb doesn't know?"

Spencer shook her head. She knew there'd be more questions.

"I left before telling him. Before telling anyone."

"But why? I understand keeping it a secret. Things were definitely dangerous with Noel & Jenna running around doing God knows what. But why not just tell Caleb?"

Spencer looked down at James as she gathered her thoughts. Why indeed?

"We had just broken up. He was back together with Hanna. Part of me was afraid that he would come back to me because I was pregnant. Part of me wanted that to happen. But I couldn't live with myself if it did. He was so happy. But a bigger reason was A-I mean, Noel & Jenna. They wouldn't have hesitated putting me or James in danger. And if Caleb had known, he would have done anything to protect us. The girls too probably. But especially Caleb. If I had told anybody, it would have been more ammunition, another way we were vulnerable. I had to leave. I couldn't handle anything happening to James. Even before I knew it was him, I felt like that's the only thing I could do to protect this little person growing inside of me."

Veronica was quiet as she took in everything her daughter had to say. She knew Spencer would have had good reasons for doing what she did. She was a Hastings after all; she thought everything through. And as much as she wished she could have been there for her daughter, she knew that Spencer was right. There wasn't anything else she could have done to protect not only herself and James, but everybody close to them.

"I think you did the right thing. I just wish I could have been there to help you, but I know why you had to disappear. And it must have been difficult to do all this yourself." Veronica blinked back tears as she thought of everything her daughter had to go through.

"I made a couple friends where I was. I wasn't completely alone. But yes, it would have been nice to have been here. I don't regret the choices I made though. I really don't think I had another option."

As Spencer had talked she had been burping James, who had finished eating. He was quickly falling back asleep and Veronica noticed the bags under her daughter's eyes too. Of course, the poor girl must be exhausted.

"Well, I am happy you're here now. Thank you for telling me all of this. But I think this little man needs to go to bed, and you could probably do with some rest as well. You look like you're going to collapse any moment."

"Thanks Mom, and you're right, I'm exhausted. Could you take him while I get his playpen set up in my room?"

"Of course. Come to Grandma, sweetheart."

Spencer smiled as tears came to her eyes. She could have fallen apart right then. She was so grateful to be home, grateful that her mom was ok with everything, grateful especially with how much her mother already seemed to love James.

"What is it?" Veronica's eyebrows knit together in concern at the tears forming in her daughter's eyes.

"I just…thank you. It's nice to be back."

Veronica stepped over to Spencer and embraced her with her empty arm as she cradled James in the other one. There was a time when both Hastings women would have choked back the emotions and bid each other good night. But tonight neither could help letting a few tears fall, happy for different reasons to have the other back in their life.


	2. Chapter 2

I have been following Season 7 recaps but not watching (I don't have cable) so this story isn't canon at all. I just really love Spencer & Caleb together, sorry to all the Spoby/Haleb shippers. I started writing this to appease my own shipper heart :) Hopefully it's not terrible. I'm not a writer, I don't even know why I'm doing this or how long it'll be.

Thank you for the kind reviews so far. I wasn't really sure what to expect.

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

The next morning Spencer awoke to the sounds of her three month old rustling around. He wasn't an overly vocal baby, unless hungry, but occasionally the odd gurgle and coo would come out. Spencer smiled at him as she leaned over the playpen.

"Good morning handsome! You know, even with the time change you're still on a schedule. How do you do that? Your mama needs about 10 more hours of sleep." Spencer chuckled at the infant, who didn't seem to care that his mother was sleep deprived from all the travel. She leaned over and picked him up, snuggling him into her shoulder. After changing his diaper she headed downstairs. He wouldn't need to eat for an hour or so, since he ate a couple times during the night.

Her mother was in the kitchen already, sipping out of a coffee cup and removing containers from the refrigerator.

"Morning Spencer. Any thoughts on breakfast? I have fruit, yogurt, granola…hm, that's about it. I think I need to go shopping. Oh and the coffee's hot."

"Thanks Mom, all of that sounds perfect. And I can go shopping later if you want. I thought I'd take James for a walk around Rosewood anyways. As for the coffee…I quit." Spencer sheepishly looked down, almost embarrassed over her confession.

Veronica raised her eyebrows. A Hastings quitting coffee?

"Once I found out I was pregnant I started researching all kinds of nutrition and health topics for pregnancy. Some articles indicated that small amounts of caffeine were ok, some found the opposite. I figured it wasn't worth the risk. Plus there was no way I was going to be able to stick to "small amounts" so I just went cold turkey. At least until I'm finished breastfeeding. For now it's non-caffeinated herbal tea for me I'm afraid."

Veronica chuckled and shook her head. Of course her daughter researched this. Why wouldn't she?

"Suit yourself. More for me. Like I said, you're a natural. No way did I give up caffeine while I was pregnant with you girls." Spencer laughed at another one of her mother's confessions. Why had it never been this easy for them to get along before? Babies seemed to change everyone and everything.

Veronica left for work, giving Spencer a quick hug and James a kiss on the head, with a promise to be home for an early supper. Spencer sat contentedly at the kitchen island, eating a bowl of the yogurt, granola, and fruit her mom had left out, all the while talking to James about what they were going to do today. She knew she had more conversations ahead of her. Hanna and Aria were in New York, those would have to wait. She wasn't sure where Caleb was, but assumed he was in New York as well if Hanna was there. Her mother had mentioned last night that Emily was finishing up some classes at Hollis and working at Radley. Spencer hoped she would be able to catch her at home today. She thought of calling ahead but figured that it might be easier to just show up.

She quickly cleaned up the kitchen, fed and changed James, showered, and before she knew it was ready to leave. Of course, with a baby everything was delayed, so she didn't end up leaving until 10AM. She wasn't sure of Emily's schedule and felt nervous taking a chance that she would even be home. So she took the long way to Emily's house, meandering up the side streets and showing James the town as if he was really interested. She was thankful not too many people were out and about in the small town. Word spread fast and she'd hate for her friends to find out about her and James before she had a chance to talk to them.

Almost before she was ready she was standing in front of the Fields' home, the American flag in the window a reminder of their loss. She gripped the handle of the stroller tightly, willing herself to walk up the steps to the door.

"Well, I guess this is it James. Here goes nothing."

She rang the bell, and heard footsteps coming to the door, heard the doorknob turn and before she knew it she was looking at her raven-haired best friend.

"Hi Emily. I hope it's ok I'm here. There's someone I'd like you to meet."

* * *

 _"What do you mean 'she's gone'? Where did she go?" The swimmer was trying to piece together everything the overly anxious blonde was saying._

 _"I mean she's gone! I don't know where! If I knew where do you think I'd be freaking out like this? Ugh, this is all my fault!"_

 _"Hanna, calm down. Breathe, start over." Aria's gentle words worked on the blonde as she took a deep breath and explained everything she knew._

 _"I went over to the barn to talk to her. About this whole Caleb triangle mess. I wanted to apologize and see if we were ok, or going to be ok. I mean, I hate how everything happened, but I couldn't go forward with Caleb without knowing Spencer and I were going to be ok. I mean, she said she was fine with it, that night on the swings, but…"_

 _"Hanna, what happened when you went to the barn?" Emily threw a thankful glance at Aria for steering Hanna's rambling back to the point._

 _"Right, the barn. I got there and yelled for her but then realized she wasn't there. And that the place was like, really clean. Too clean, obnoxiously clean. Like someone-packed-up-and-skipped-town clean. I checked her room and found the note on the bed. That's when I called you guys and headed over here. She hates me. She left because she can't stand to see me and Caleb together. She hates us and left." Hanna was dangerously close to bursting into tears. Aria put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. "Han, I'm sure that's not true. She doesn't hate you and Caleb. Spencer wouldn't leave over that. It's probably just what her note says."_

 _Emily had barely said a word the entire conversation. She looked down at the note Hanna had brought to show them._

 _Everyone,_

 _I'm sorry but I had to leave. Do not look for me, I don't want to be found. It's for your safety I'm doing this. Please don't hate me, one day I will explain everything. Take down that bitch._

 _Love,_

 _Spencer_

 _Emily didn't know many people who still insisted on using cursive, but it worked for Spencer. She read each word, each perfectly written letter. She shook her head, this had to be a trick, this couldn't be happening. How could they take down A without Spencer? She was the super genius. She looked up and realized Aria was still trying to comfort Hanna._

 _"Han, Aria's right. I don't think Spencer hates you. If she did she would have said so. It's Spencer, she doesn't mice words or spare feelings." Emily gave Hanna a gentle smile._

 _"Maybe you're right. It's just…why? What reason could she have for doing this? How does she expect us to catch A without her? Why does she expect us to? This isn't fair!" Aria and Emily looked at each other. Leave it to Hanna to go from out-of-control concern for their friend to out-of-control anger._

 _"Look we don't know why she left and at this point it doesn't really matter. She's gone. I think we need to do what she's asking in her note and get A. Maybe if we do that she can come home." Emily looked at the other girls, seeing if they agreed._

 _"So what do we do first?" Aria responded._

 _Emily looked apprehensively at Hanna._

 _"I think we need to call Caleb. He needs to hear this."_

* * *

Emily could not have been more shocked to open up her door to see Spencer Hastings that morning. She would have been less surprised to see Ed McMahon with a giant check than Spencer Hastings. Spencer Hastings with a baby. No, nothing would have prepared her for this.

She ran her eyes over the girl. She was the same, but different. Still the same tall, thin figure, large brown eyes, hooked nose, and ready smirk on her lips. But now her bangs were gone, and her normally perfect hair was pulled back in a casual ponytail, which had air-dried into frizzy waves. She wasn't wearing a stitch of makeup, when her former self would not have left the house without at least foundation and mascara. And the smirk on her lips no longer had that hint of arrogance. It was replaced by warmth, and a slight shyness.

Emily then noticed that Spencer's eyebrow was quirked up, and that arrogant smirk was back. So much for warmth and shyness. Emily realized Spencer had greeted her and was still standing on the porch while Emily had been staring at her like she was a ghost. Which she might as well have been.

"Spence! I'm sorry, you just…you surprised me!" The understatement of the year. She stepped aside and let her friend make her way into the house.

"I'm glad I caught you at home. My mom said you were still in town, but I didn't know your schedule so I thought I'd take James on a little walk around town and check to see if you were home."

"James?" Emily looked down at the infant. Now that they had stopped moving he had woken up and his gaze was concentrated on the tan girl.

"Yes. This is my son." Spencer reached down into the stroller and unstrapped him. "This is why I had to leave."

Suddenly everything clicked in Emily's head. Spencer was back. Standing in her living room. A was gone. They had caught A, A was Noel & Jenna and they were locked up and so Spencer came back. Before she knew it tears were streaming down Emily's face as she grabbed Spencer and James in a giant hug. James started crying with surprise, but Spencer and Emily just laughed and cried together.

After a couple minutes of hugging they stood apart. James had calmed down again, and Emily turned to look at him.

"Can I?" She asked hesitantly, holding her hands out.

"Of course!" Emily lifted the boy out of Spencer's arms and into her own. James looked up at her with a blank baby stare, undoubtedly wondering who this new person was. Emily couldn't remember when she had last seen such perfection. She briefly thought of the eggs she sold, wondered if any of them were now little babies like this one. As quick as the thought came, she pushed it away. It didn't do any good to dwell on it.

"Spence, he's incredible. He looks like you!"

Spencer positively glowed with pride. Emily smiled at her, it was good to see her friend so happy. Heck it was good to see her period.

"Thanks Em. He definitely has the Hastings jaw." Spencer smiled at the memory of her mother's observation the evening before.

"Let's hope he doesn't have the Hastings ego. Or addiction to coffee." Emily teased.

"Hey, I'll have you know I've given up coffee!"

"Oh really? Well wonders never cease. You didn't say anything about ego though." Emily smirked back at Spencer.

"Well, I mean look at him. If he gets an ego it's completely justified." Spencer shrugged unapologetically as Emily laughed at the girl's comment. It was so like Spencer to see nothing wrong with thinking highly of oneself. That probably went doubly for her son.

They settled on the couch, James content in Emily's arms.

"He's so alert and aware. Must be a super genius like his mama." Emily grinned over at Spencer.

"I'm not sure how all this 'super genius' talk started, but I'm hardly that. As for him staring at you, I read an article that babies stare longer at objectively beautiful things. Something about the symmetry I think. So the longer a baby stares at you, the more attractive you are. I'd take it as a compliment, he probably already has a crush on you." Spencer smiled at Emily, who was making faces at James to coax out a smile.

"Ok, you _are_ a super genius - who else would bother reading a study about what babies find attractive?" Emily laughed at Spencer. Some things never changed.

Right then James decided he was done with playing nice and decided it was time for lunch. Spencer was used to his dramatic change of attitude when he was hungry, and had anticipated it so she had a blanket ready. She looked at Emily and burst out laughing. Emily looked as if James had turned into an alien, she held him out to Spencer as if she couldn't wait to be rid of him.

"It's ok Em, he's just hungry. I'm still breastfeeding, do you mind if I do it here?"

"Spence I'm a lesbian and a feminist. You can do whatever your want with your breasts wherever you want." Spencer chuckled at her friend's frankness. It seems Emily had become much more open in her absence. And while she knew Emily didn't care, she still wasn't completely comfortable breastfeeding in public without a blanket to cover herself. Besides, James seemed to concentrate better with it. When it was off he just got more distracted and worked up, if that were possible.

"Does he always scream like that when he's hungry?" Emily looked over at the now quiet baby with a wary look. Spencer shook her head and smiled.

"Yes, he does. I find it funny actually. He's so good pretty much all the time, he hardly ever cries at all, unless he's overtired or hungry, then watch out."

"Well then not only does he look like his mama, he takes after her in temperament too." Emily smirked back at her friend.

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" Spencer balked at Emily's insinuation.

"Please Spence. You're a monster if you don't eat. And remember what happens when you don't sleep…"

"At least I don't scream…" Spencer muttered under her breath.

"Alway the one to have the last word. Some things never change." Emily smiled at Spencer warmly. It felt so good to have her friend back.

"Well, some things do. Like having a baby."

"Yes, I guess you're right. So, are we going to talk about that?" Emily was a bit nervous to ask. She wasn't sure how much Spencer would want to share.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Spencer sighed. She didn't expect anything less, after all she left without a word and returned with a baby. There were going to be questions.

"He's Caleb's."

"I figured. He has his eyes. And the timing matches." Spencer nodded at Emily's words. Those were hard things to miss. In a way she was thankful for that, it was one less thing she had to explain.

"You should know Em, I didn't want to leave you guys. I thought about every angle. When I found out I was pregnant I briefly thought about options. But I couldn't think about anything other than keeping him. Nothing else made sense to me. And when I thought about fighting A, about people dying here, or getting run over by cars, the constant threats, I knew I couldn't stay. I made us vulnerable. I was someone A could target easily, because all of you would have tried to protect me. And if we still hadn't caught A by the time he was born, I…I don't even want to think about what could have happened then." Spencer shuddered at the thought. "Disappearing was the only thing that made sense. It was the only way I could protect you. And none of you could know. It killed me that I couldn't contact you, or let you know where I was. Or that I was pregnant. But you have to believe me, it was the only way."

Emily was quiet throughout Spencer's explanation, much like Veronica had been. She had the same confidence in Spencer's decision making, and when she heard it, it did make sense. Because it was true, if Noel or Jenna knew about Spencer's pregnancy, they would know that all of them would have done whatever they could to protect Spencer and the baby.

"Spence you are one-of-a-kind." Spencer looked at Emily quizzically. "You find out you're pregnant, with the baby of your ex-boyfriend who went back to his ex-girlfriend, who happens to be your best friend, and all you can think about is how you need to figure out a way to protect us. Seriously, do you ever just put yourself first?"

"Emily I'm no martyr. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to protect all of you but this was also to make sure my baby and I were safe. Honestly that little life in me became the most important thing. That became my number one concern."

"Still Spencer, you went off and had a baby by yourself! You are so much stronger than I am, I don't know what I would have done."

"Em, you are one of the strongest people I know! I know exactly what you would have done. You would have done the same as me. You probably wouldn't have had to think about it as much as I did either."

James had finished eating and Spencer was calmly rubbing his back to burp him. The two friends looked at each other, suddenly a little uncomfortable with the compliments they had given each other.

"Have you talked to Hanna or Aria?" Emily asked, in an effort to steer the conversation into another area.

"No, I know they're in New York so I thought of heading there tomorrow. I was going to leave James with my mom, but it sounds like she'll have to work. I'm not sure about taking him to the city by myself, so I will probably wait until the weekend to go."

Emily shook her head at her friend's words. "Ok, I take back the super-genius thing. That is a terrible idea. I will come with you to help with James, we're going tomorrow. You're _back_ Spencer. If you wait a second longer to tell them they _will_ be upset. And this is a small town; you don't want them to find out from someone else."

"Emily that's too much. Are you sure?"

"Of course. Besides, it's been too long since the four of us were together."

Spencer nodded. She couldn't agree more.

* * *

After a long and satisfying visit with Emily, Spencer left to grab some groceries for her mom and return home. She was feeding James when her mother walked in, spent after a long day in the office.

"Hi Spencer. How was your day?" The older Hastings discarded her coat and keys by the door and moved into the kitchen, opening up the fridge to see what she could make for dinner.

"It was good. I got to talk to Emily. She's coming with me tomorrow to see Hanna & Aria. I bought some stuff for dinner, I thought we could just make chicken Caesar salad." Spencer put James on her shoulder to burp him. Sometimes it felt like all this kid did was eat.

"Salad sounds good. I'm glad you had a nice time with Emily. After everything you girls have gone through together it must be nice to be getting back together again."

Spencer nodded solemnly. "Yes, but I still have a lot of repairing to do. To be honest I'm not really looking forward to seeing Hanna and Caleb. But it needs to be done, and the longer I wait the more of a chance there is that they will find out from someone else."

"You're right. But don't burn yourself out, you look exhausted." Veronica had noticed the tired look was back on her daughter's face. It couldn't be easy returning home with a baby and so much explaining to do. "Here, why don't I take him and you cook dinner. He could probably use a bath anyways. How would you like that James? Do you want Grandma to give you a bath?"

"Thanks Mom. I don't have his bath tub with me, but I think he's still small enough to be bathed in the sink." Spencer smiled as she remembered James as a tiny newborn just a few short months ago. He screamed throughout his first bath, she cried because she thought she was hurting him. But after that first time he absolutely loved being in the water. She had read somewhere that babies as young as six months old could learn how to swim, maybe she could have Emily teach him.

As she assembled the simple dinner components she listened to the sounds of her mother baby talking to James as she gave him a bath upstairs. She smiled to herself. she didn't really use baby talk around James – it didn't feel natural to her – but it was sweet to hear her mother be so loving to him. Not for the first time Spencer wondered at the change in her mother. It couldn't be just because this was her first grandchild. There seemed to be something more behind it. Maybe it was time to have her mother answer some questions.

Veronica brought a freshly laundered James down in a new clean sleeper. Dinner was finished so Spencer reached out to take him and he immediately snuggled into her neck. Spencer sighed contentedly.

"Is there anything better than a newly clean, happy baby?" She looked at her mother as she sat down at the kitchen island to a big bowl of salad.

"If there is, I'm not sure what it is." Veronica agreed. "Thanks Spencer, this looks great. Are you sure you don't want me to hold him while you eat?"

"No, it's ok. I missed him while you guys were upstairs." She smiled shyly at her mother over her confession.

They ate in silence for a minute or two while the younger Hastings thought over the questions she needed to ask. With a deep breath she decided to plunge right in.

"Mom, you're different."

"Different how?" Veronica purposely avoided her daughter's gaze, concentrating intently on her salad.

"With James. You're so affectionate, I even heard you baby talking." Spencer smirked at her mother.

"What do you expect? He's my first grandchild. And I don't care how many articles you read, baby talking will not stunt his development." Veronica teased Spencer.

"It's not just that Mom. You're different with me too. You say things you never would have before. You're more…honest." Veronica looked at her daughter in surprise. Spencer realized she basically just accused her mother of previously being a liar. "Maybe 'honest' isn't the right word. Less guarded? And also, where's Dad? I haven't seen a trace of him in the last 24 hours."

Veronica knew this conversation was coming. She couldn't put it off forever. "Your father is in Philly."

"Philly? Is he working?"

"Yes. And living there. We're divorced." Veronica waited a moment for the statement to sink in.

Spencer's breath caught in her throat. She knew her parents had issues, but she really thought they had worked past it all. Maybe she was naïve but she really didn't think they would get split up.

"What happened?" She asked tentatively.

Veronica laughed humourlessly. "A million things happened. A happened. Your father's secrets happened."

"But you found out about Jason years ago. I thought you had gotten over that."

"I had. But your father had other secrets too, and hearing one after another just got to be too much. I felt like I no longer knew this man anymore, that I had spent the past 30 years with this person who was now a stranger. But even with all of that, I still hadn't planned on leaving him." Veronica hesitated. She didn't want to worry her daughter, but she needed to know the whole truth. Spencer put her free hand on her mother's encouraging her to continue.

"I was in a car accident. A bad one. It was after you had left. I was in the hospital for a couple weeks with a severe concussion and a couple broken bones. And before you ask, yes I am fine. I am now the perfect picture of health. Although that concussion was hard to come back from. Melissa was there for me a lot."

"And Dad?" Spencer already knew the answer to that.

Veronica shook her head sadly. "Not so much. You know, even with all the secrets and lies I probably would have had him stay. Maybe that's wrong. But after the accident, he didn't seem to care. He didn't come to the hospital very often, claiming work was keeping him too busy. And when I came home he just kept asking when I was going to be ready to go back to work, that the firm was falling behind without me."

"I'm sorry Mom, that's awful."

They were silent as they both thought over Veronica's explanation. Suddenly something her mother had said gripped Spencer and she swallowed a familiar lump of fear in her throat.

"Mom, you said your accident was after I left. Was it…was it -A? Did -A cause your accident?"

Her mother hesitated before answering. "Yes".

Tears immediately sprang to Spencer's eyes. Of course this would happen. Noel and Jenna would have been trying to find her, they would have wanted information. The only way they seemed to do that was by threatening, and what good was a threat if you didn't follow through on it? How could she have been so thoughtless? She thought she was protecting everyone but instead she –

"Spencer, no." Her mother's firm tone interrupted her spiralling thoughts. "This is not your fault. You did what you had to do. And yes, I was hurt because A wanted to know where you were and they thought I was withholding information. But after the accident I think they figured out that none of us had a clue and they didn't press for anything on you after that."

"Mom I am so sorry. You shouldn't have had to go through that!" Tears were now running down Spencer's face.

"Trust me when I say that I would do it again if it meant you were safe. You're a mother now – what would you go through if it meant James was safe?" Veronica gently wiped a tear from her daughter's face.

Spencer looked down at the sleeping infant in her arms. Her eyes ran over the dark hair covering James' head, the steady rise and fall of his little stomach. The way you could see his eyes moving slightly behind his eyelids. The gentle sweep of his dark eyelashes. Everything. Anything. That's what she would do, if it meant he was safe. That's what she had done.

"Still, I'm sorry Mom. I never meant for my actions to cause anyone additional pain. But I understand. And I'm sorry about Dad."

"Thank you Spencer, and I appreciate it, but there's really nothing to be sorry about. And if it seems I'm less...guarded, as you put it, that's why. Granted, the concussion had something to do with it, initially. I didn't have as much of a filter after that. But then I realized that life is too short to hold back. So I decided from them on I'd speak my mind. Your father didn't care for that much either." Veronica smiled wryly.

Spencer chuckled at that statement. "No, I don't suppose he did. Well, I don't know about you but I think I'm ready to turn in. I'm still getting over jet lag and James doesn't seem to understand that concept. And we have a big day tomorrow."

"You're right. I'll clean up the kitchen, you go upstairs and get to bed, let me know if you need anything. Do you want to put him in my room, so you can get some extra rest?

"No, he's actually a very quiet sleeper. When he does wake up to eat, it's easier if he's close by."

"Okay, well have a good sleep. Good night James." Veronica placed a gentle kiss on the baby's head.

"Good night Mom. And thanks for this. I know this wasn't easy for you to talk about."

"You're welcome honey. You needed to know." Veronica looked at her daughter and thought of all she had been through. She just hoped that her daughter could finally put everything behind her and start living her life.


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone - in this chapter you'll get to see Hanna & Aria's reaction to Spencer & James (mostly Hanna's because I have no idea how to write Aria). And I really hate to do this, but Caleb won't be seen until Chapter 4 which won't be up for a couple days. I'm going away for the weekend and won't have internet access. I *hope* the wait will be worth it!

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

The next morning came early for Spencer. She quickly showered after feeding and changing James. She looked at herself in the mirror, wondering what to do. She hadn't really thought about her appearance since James was born. Most of her time was spent at home with him and he certainly didn't care what she looked like. She sighed and gathered her hair into a French braid. He was starting to grab it so she liked to keep it off her face. Makeup was another thing she rarely bothered with anymore. But a trip to New York warranted some extra effort, so she swept on some mascara, eyeliner, a little foundation and blush. It already felt like too much be she was satisfied with the end result.

Her wardrobe was another issue altogether. She had to bring so much stuff for James she hadn't had room to pack a lot of clothes for herself. Not that her old clothes would have been right anyways. She was long past miniskirts and pant suits. She had fully embraced the "new mom uniform" of yoga pants and t-shirts. But she couldn't very well go to New York looking like that. She settled on a pair of skinny jeans, her old Converse shoes, and a loose t-shirt with a nursing tank underneath. Comfort was still priority.

"Well James, what do you think of your mama? Will this do?" James just looked at his mother with serious eyes, as if wondering why his opinion was needed. "I know baby, you don't care what I wear. And I love you for that."

Spencer scooped James up and placed a kiss on his forehead. He rewarded her with a wide smile. For the millionth time since he was born Spencer couldn't believe how lucky she was that he was hers. She carried him downstairs and placed him in his bouncy seat on the kitchen island while she went about making herself breakfast. Her mother had already left early for work. Emily was supposed to be there soon, so she decided on an omelet, figuring that would be the fastest thing to make.

She had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when she heard tires crunching on the gravel outside. She took James out of his seat and went to the front door to greet her friend.

"Sorry I'm late Spence. I got home from work later than I planned, so I'm running on caffeine and a few hours of sleep." Emily threw an apologetic smile at Spencer, knowing how much the other brunette liked to be punctual.

"No problem Em, I'm just gathering up his things. Would you mind taking him while I get his car seat set up in your car?"

"That's not something I could say no to." Emily gladly accepted the infant, who was staring at her again much like he had yesterday. She was glad Spencer wasn't mad about being late. Maybe being a mother had loosened her up.

As Spencer carried the car seat outside Emily moved to the back of the house to the den with James in her arms. It was still so odd. This was Spencer's baby. Spencer and _Caleb's_ baby. She looked into the eyes of the beautiful boy in her arms and wondered how Hanna and Caleb were going to react to this. She sat down on one of the couches and gently bounced James in her arms and made faces at him. She was determined to get one smile out of the serious child today.

After about 15 minutes Spencer came back inside after successfully installing the car seat.

"Ready to go?" The swimmer asked her friend.

"Yeah, just let me double check to make sure I have everything." Spencer proceeded to unpack and repack the entire diaper bag. She had already checked it this morning, but she wanted to make absolutely sure she had everything James would need.

"I think I have everything. Would you mind carrying him out? I'll bring the diaper bag and the stroller." Spencer looked over at her friend, who was still trying to wrangle a smile out of James.

"Sure, but don't expect me to get him into his seat. Does he _ever_ smile?" Emily looked up at Spencer with a hint of playful frustration as the girls made their way to the door.  
Spencer laughed lightly at her friend's question. "Of course he does, just not all the time. He's not very vocal either. Most of the time he just quietly takes everything in."

"Unless he's hungry." Emily said, recalling the tantrum from the day before.

Yes, unless he's hungry." Spencer smiled as she set everything on the ground and took James from Emily's hands and buckled him into his seat. She tested the straps and made sure he was in securely, and hung a mirror on the back seat so she'd be able to check on him from the front. He was still young but was learning to grab things, so she gave him a set of plastic keys that would hopefully entertain him on the 2 hour ride.

While Spencer was busy with James, Emily had placed the stroller in the back of the SUV, and put the diaper bag on the passenger side of the back seat. The girls got into the front and were relieved to finally be on the way, only 30 minutes behind schedule. Not bad when a baby is involved.

As the girls drove, conversation flowing easily between the two. With the hardest confrontation out the way they fell back into the same familiar friendship they used to share. Spencer suspected though that the late start meant James would probably be hungry about halfway to their destination. She was not disappointed when he suddenly started screaming from the back, his face turning red with fury.

Spencer chuckled at Emily as the girl nearly jumped out of her skin with James' first squawk. She looked at Spencer, silently asking the other girl what she should do.  
"I think there's a rest stop about 5 minutes up, let's just pull in there and I can feed him in the back."

"You're ok with listening to this for five minutes?" Emily kept glancing in her rear view mirror, her eyes wide with panic at the furious infant, whose cries were getting louder.

Spencer shrugged nonchalantly at her friend. "I'm used to it. I don't love hearing him cry, but we don't really have a choice. Besides, he needs to start learning that the world doesn't stop just because he's hungry."

Emily looked at her friend and was amazed at how calm Spencer was. Spencer was always so capable at everything she did, Emily wasn't sure why she was surprised that Spencer was such an amazing mother.

Emily drove a bit faster – she definitely wasn't used to a crying baby – and they came up to the rest stop in a couple minutes. Spencer climbed into the backseat and unbuckled the hysterical child.

"James, it's ok. You're ok. I know you're hungry. You can eat if you just settle down." Spencer spoke in smooth, calming tones to James. Even though she had him at her breast under the blanket, he was so mad he couldn't seem to find what he needed. His incessant kicking and flailing kept causing the blanket to fall as well.

"Ok, ok, we'll do this without the blanket. Look, here you go, that's it." Spencer discarded the blanket and pulled down the wide V of her t shirt and unlatched the nursing tank, practically forcing her nipple into James' pouting mouth. Once he realized he had food he quieted down.

Spencer looked up at Emily in the front, who was looking anywhere but in the back seat. The brunette chuckled to herself.

"Em, it's ok. It nothing you haven't seen before." Spencer teased the other girl.

"I know, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Emily looked over at Spencer and saw that the other girl was totally relaxed and unfazed by her son's tantrum, or the fact she was somewhat uncovered.

"I'm not uncomfortable. I prefer using the blanket but sometimes it's easier not to, especially when he works himself into a frenzy like that."

"Yeah, but aren't you worried my lesbian urges are going to overwhelm me and I won't be able to help myself?" Emily grinned and wiggled her eyebrows, clearly joking. The brunette burst out laughing, briefly startling James.

"Oh please, this has to be the least sexy thing you've ever seen anyone do with their breasts." Spencer countered.

Emily laughed with her. "Oh you'd be surprised." She responded mysteriously.

"I don't even want to know." Spencer responded, shaking her head at the other girl.

The girls continued until James had finished. Spencer burped him and buckled him back into his seat. He would probably sleep the rest of the drive.

They were soon back on the road and arrived in the city without any further interruptions. Spencer used Emily's phone to let Hanna know when they were about 20 minutes away. They had decided to let Hanna and Aria think it was just Emily coming for a visit. If they knew Spencer was there, they'd demand answers over the phone and Spencer would rather do this in person.

As they drew closer, Spencer's nerves started getting to her and she suddenly grew quiet. Emily sensed this and didn't really try to engage her in conversation, just softly sang along with the radio.

"Em, can I ask you something?" Spencer spoke up timidly.

"Spence, you can ask me anything. You don't need permission." Emily smiled at the other girl.

"Will Caleb be there?"

Emily raised her eyebrows in shock. Hadn't she heard?

"Didn't…didn't your mom tell you what happened?" Emily asked tentatively.

"What happened with what?" Spencer was now genuinely confused.

Emily took a deep breath and sighed. She really didn't want to be the one to talk about this. "They broke up. Hanna and Caleb."

Spencer's heart did a little flip and her breath caught in her throat. She wasn't exactly happy to hear that, especially for Hanna, but neither could she admit to being upset.

"Why? When?"

"Um, well, I don't really know all the details. Maybe you should just wait and talk to Hanna." Emily squirmed in her seat, hoping her friend wouldn't ask any more questions.

Spencer nodded and let out a deep breath. Now she was dreading seeing Hanna even more. But she could tell Emily was uncomfortable talking about this.

"Ok, I'll talk to Hanna. But Caleb won't be there, right?"

Emily shook her head. "No, I'm certain Caleb won't be there."

"Good." Spencer saw the look of confusion on Emily's face. "I just mean, I've faced my mom and you. Now Hanna and Aria. I can only handle so many big conversations. And the one I have to have with Caleb will be the biggest." She smiled weakly at her friend.

Understanding filled Emily's eyes. "I get it. And if I can help in any way, I'm here for you Spence." The tan girl reached out her hand and held her friend's pale one.

"Thanks Emily. You've helped so much already. I'm really glad I'm back."

"Good, because I'm glad to have you back. And I hope you're ready for your next big conversation because we're here." Emily gestured with her head to the apartment building next to them.

Spencer had completely zoned out when they got to the city, so she hadn't paid attention to where they were until now. Suddenly she felt her stomach seize with nerves. Hearing the latest news about Hanna and Caleb hadn't helped. With any luck Hanna wouldn't kill her upon sight. She hoped she was ready for this.

* * *

"Aria, the place is clean enough, stop it! Emily just texted, she's on her way up!" Hanna rolled her eyes as Aria swept the kitchen again. She wasn't sure when her friend had turned into such a clean freak. If she had known she may not have so readily agreed to let Aria move in with her.

"I know, it's just not every day Emily comes to visit. On such short notice. What do you think it's about?" Aria looked at Hanna, her eyebrows knit together in question.

"Why does it have to be about anything? It's just like she said, she missed us and wanted to come see us." Hanna shrugged as if shaking off Aria's doubts. Why did her friends always have to look for issues?

"I just think it's odd that she texts us and asks us to take a day off work for her to come visit. Doesn't that seem strange to you?" Aria couldn't let this go.

"Ok, it's strange but who cares? It's Emily. I'm sure she has a good reason. And besides, we'll know in about 30 seconds what's up, if she gets her ass up here. I mean, I know it's seven flights up and we have no elevator, but isn't she an athlete? It shouldn't take her this long." Hanna couldn't deny she was excited to see her friend and was anxious about her taking so long.

As if on cue, a knock sounded at their front door. Hanna & Aria looked at each other, grinning, and raced over to the door.

"EMIL… _Spencer_?!" The girls shouted in unison together.

* * *

 _Hanna had never felt so alone in her life. She thought once A was gone things would be fine. Things would go back to normal. But when had her life ever been normal?_

 _First Spencer left. That had really thrown her. Spencer was the smart one, the strong one, the protective one. If she couldn't handle A, how could any of them? And then the longer she was gone the more it confused and angered Hanna. How could their friend abandon them?_

 _At least she had Caleb, for a while. But after Spencer left he was different._ They _were different. He put all his energy in finding A, figuring out the puzzle their lives had become. She thought they'd be ok when they finally caught Noel and Jenna, when the nightmare was over. But then things fell apart shortly after the trial. And then suddenly Caleb was gone._

 _No Spencer. No Caleb. No A (not that that was a bad thing). Aria moved to Boston, Emily threw herself into her courses at Hollis, and suddenly Hanna found herself alone in New York. What happened to them?_

 _Then, out of the blue, Aria showed up on her doorstep, in tears. She and Ezra had broken up. He had never been able to get over his jealousy of her former relationship with Jason, and it had gotten to a point where any man she talked to became a threat. She couldn't believe that after everything they had been through, he could doubt her like that._

 _So Aria had moved in to the spare room, found a job at a publishing agency and was working on another novel. Hanna was working for another designer – one that treated her like a human – and she was so glad to have a friend back in her life. Maybe things would start to get better now._

 _But then another two months passed and still nothing. No word from Spencer. No word from Caleb. Noel and Jenna were locked up. Shouldn't that mean they were all safe? That they could all come home?_

 _That was when Hanna started believing that maybe they didn't_ want _to come home._

* * *

Aria yelled out a cry of surprise as she pounced on her long lost friend, practically knocking Emily over in the process. Spencer laughed since in the commotion of everything it seemed Aria completely missed the bundle wrapped up in Spencer's arms that had suddenly awoken. The petite girl jumped back, eyes wide as saucers. Spencer gently bounced the infant, whispering into his ear, until he calmed back down.

"Aria, Hanna, this is James. My son."

Aria looked over at Hanna, who was staring at the baby, her expression unreadable. It didn't seem like the blonde was going to be capable of conversation any time soon, and it was evident why.

"Spencer, he's beautiful! Can I hold him?" Aria didn't wait for Spencer to respond as she reached out and took James into her arms. The boy looked at her with his solemn eyes, evaluating yet another new person.

"So I guess you're wanting to hear the story?" Spencer asked as the group moved toward the living room, each finding a seat. Spencer and Aria each took a corner on the couch, Hanna claimed the armchair near Aria's side, and Emily stretched out on the floor, leaning back on her hands. Spencer looked over at Hanna, who had yet to make a peep. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"Well it seems pretty obvious now why you left." Aria looked at Spencer as she adjusted the baby in her lap.

Spencer nodded her head slowly as she explained for the third time in as many days what had happened from the moment she saw that plus sign on the pregnancy test. This version was slightly altered to remove any mention of Caleb. She knew it was cowardly but she couldn't bear to bring up his name right now.

"You definitely made the right call Spence. There's no telling what A would have done if your pregnancy had gotten out." Aria stated as she looked down at the boy in her arms who had drifted back to sleep.

A snort of derision came from Hanna's chair. The other three girls looked at her for clarification.

"Fuck that." Hanna followed up, anger now burning in her eyes.

"Han, you heard her, she didn't have a choi–" Emily tried to reason with the blonde.

"No, fuck that and fuck her! Spencer you did have a choice! You had a choice to stay and tell Caleb he was going to be a father! You had a choice to stay and fight with us!" Hanna was standing now, her body nearly shaking with rage. Spencer hadn't known what to expect, but this wasn't it. She stood up in order to meet Hanna's eyes, her anger starting to match Hanna's. Emily looked over at Aria as they silently agreed on the same thing.

"Spence, the stroller's still in the car. Why don't Aria and I take James for a walk around the block?" Emily quietly asked before the girls started getting into it.

Spencer looked over at Emily, grateful she was there with her. She nodded and the girls made a hasty retreat from the tiny apartment. When they left she turned her attention back to the irate blonde.

"Okay, you're right Hanna, I could have stayed. And what would have happened to Caleb every time A made a threat against me while I was pregnant? You think he wouldn't have done _anything_ to protect me and his baby? How would you have felt, to watch him do that? What would you, and Aria, and Emily have done for me, to make sure I was safe? I know that sounds selfish but you know it's true. You know what we're all capable of, what we've all done to protect each other! And what would have happened if A wasn't caught by the time James was born? Do you really think they wouldn't have threatened him too? I made us vulnerable Hanna! I couldn't stay! And I couldn't tell anyone why!" Spencer collapsed to the couch in tears. Motherhood had softened her considerably. She couldn't fight like she used to. Hanna watched her friend quietly, her anger slowly dying.

"Han, trust me, this was not something I chose to happen. I didn't plan it."

"Then why didn't you just take care of it?" Immediately Hanna regretted her words. She saw the flash of anger in Spencer's eyes and hung her head. "Sorry, that's not…I didn't mean…"

Spencer bit back her reply when she saw Hanna look down. She hadn't really meant it. And she deserved to hear everything.

"I did think about it." Spencer whispered. Just the thought of it made her ill, of what life without James would be like. Hanna looked up at her, surprised.

"For about a minute. Not a long minute either. I wouldn't judge someone for it, and believe me, I knew it was probably the smart choice. But it felt so wrong. Nothing but keeping him felt right. I knew it right away. That's what made this all so hard." Spencer had fresh tears running down her cheeks as she confessed all this to her friend.

Hanna looked at the brunette and her heart broke. She knew she was being unfair. Spencer had come back, and Hanna was unleashing all her anger at being left alone on her. Because she was the one that came back. She also knew everything her friend said was right. She didn't really have a choice. And she couldn't blame her for leaving. She went to fight her own war while they finished the war on A.

Spencer felt the cushion beside her shift and she looked up to see Hanna had sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry Spence. I know you did the right thing. And I'm unbelievably sorry I suggested you shouldn't have had James. I'm an idiot, that was so stupid of me." Hanna looked down, ashamed at her earlier words.

"Han, don't even think about it. I know you, you have no filter when you're angry." Spencer smiled wanly at Hanna.

"You got that right. Unfortunately it wasn't just anger at you. It was anger at Caleb, at A, at everything. I thought everything would go back to normal after Noel and Jenna were behind bars, but it hasn't. Everything still seems fucked up." Hanna swiped at the tears now falling down.

"Well that's nothing new." Spencer sighed. Hanna looked at her sideways.

"Hanna, life is fucked up. I have a baby with my ex-boyfriend, who also happens to be the ex-boyfriend of my best friend. Aria and Ezra broke up because _he_ couldn't trust _her_ , the idiot. I'm sure Emily has her own set of issues from everything that's happened. Hanna our lives are fucked up. They have been for years. But going back to normal isn't an option. Normal was dodging A and never feeling safe. I'd rather look for a new normal." Spencer looked at her friend, hoping that Hanna would agree.

Hanna sighed. Suddenly she felt exhausted. She had stopped crying at least. She looked at Spencer and wondered if anything ever got to this girl.

"Yeah, you're right. I should be looking for a new normal. A normal where I'm ok that my best friend and ex-boyfriend have a baby together." She couldn't pretend to be happy about it, not yet. But she knew she had to accept it.

"Hanna I am sorry about hurting you. That's the last thing I wanted. And you know this wasn't planned. But I'm not sorry I have James. I can't ever regret that. He really is the best thing to happen to me." Spencer knew if there was anything certain in her life it was that.

"I know Spence. And I'm glad you have him, it's just…a little weird. It's gonna take some getting used to." Spencer was grateful for the blonde's honesty.

"You know, after all this I kind of hate to bring it up, but do you know how to get in touch with Caleb? I haven't seen him in Rosewood, I thought he'd be in New York with you. And as much as I'm not looking forward to it, I need to tell him about James. Before he hears about him from someone else." Spencer knew this wasn't the best time to do this, but she had to find out.

"I honestly don't know where he is Spence. I don't think he has the same number." Hanna looked down at her hands.

"Oh. Okay, well I think I have an old email address of his, maybe he still checks it occasionally."

Suddenly the room felt awkward. She knew this wasn't the right time, but there was never a right time for this. And she had to know.

"Han, what happened with you two? I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But when I left you guys were so happy. If I'm being completely honest, I was a little relieved to not have to see that." Spencer glanced over at her friend warily.

Hanna let out a deep sigh and rubbed her temples. She knew she had to tell Spencer something, the question was how much. Because this was Caleb's story too, and his responsibility to share it as well as hers.

"I'm not really sure what to tell you. Like I said before, he changed after you left. I think he blamed himself, because it was so soon after we got back together that you were gone. Which makes this all the more awful, knowing now that you were freaking pregnant at the time too. And we were happy, at first. But in hindsight it was a fake happiness. Not that we were forcing it but…it felt different. Like all that longing and wondering 'what if' all those years was a waste because it didn't feel like it used to with us. And maybe we could have been ok, but then he took over the hunt for A. He took to heart your note and believed if we got A then you could come home. He was like a man possessed Spencer. He put everything he had into catching A. I didn't know what to do with him. Anything I said or did seemed to set him off. Then when he did figure things out, when we got Noel & Jenna arrested, when the trial came and they got their sentencing, when we knew we were finally safe, I thought things would be fine. But then time passed and you still weren't here. And me and him still weren't clicking. I finally ended it. It was like releasing a caged animal. He left, I don't know where to. I tried contacting him, just to know he was safe. But I haven't heard from him."

Spencer stared at her hands while she listened to Hanna's explanation. It was confusing. Hanna's story nearly mirrored Spencer's. When they were together, she saw that same drive and determination in him but it was to find Hanna. It was then she started noticing he wasn't really hers, that he was distant and not in their relationship 100% like she was. And Hanna's comparison to a caged animal, there really wasn't a better way to put it. That's how it felt when she had freed him from her. But to disappear without a trace? That was more Toby, not Caleb. She reached over and grasped one of the blonde's hands in her own.

"Thank you Hanna. I know that wasn't easy to say. And I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I know exactly how you feel."

"No, that doesn't help. Neither of us should know what this feels like. Especially when it's over the same man."

Hanna looked at her friend sitting on the couch. They were so different. Blonde, brunette, short, tall, ditzy, super genius, bubbly, calm. How the hell did they fall in love with the same person? How did both of them get their hearts broken by him?

"Spence, this might be premature, but if you find Caleb and talk to him, is there a chance you could get back together?" Hanna asked, her voice low, her gaze fixed on the carpet. Spencer still held her hand, and the blonde felt it tighten at her question.

"I can't lie Hanna. I've never really gotten over my feelings for him. For years I buried them, then for a brief time I was allowed to feel them. I fell for him hard. It doesn't help that now I have James, and every time I look at him I see Caleb."

Hanna nodded. "His eyes. I noticed that right away."

Spencer smiled sadly. "His eyes, his hair, his smile, the way he stares like he's trying to understand what you're thinking. Every part of him reminds me of Caleb. The only thing he got from me was the Hastings jaw. Maybe my nose, God help him, but it's too early to tell for that." Hanna briefly smiled at Spencer's joke. The brunette was right, James was the spitting image of Caleb.

"But to go back there, to be with him again? I can't deny it would feel good. It would make things easier. But I'm not sure I could. I don't trust him anymore. I'd always wonder if I were enough for him. And now he will have reason to not trust me. I mean, I disappeared without telling him he was going to be a father. He's missed the first three months of his son's life. I wouldn't be surprised if he never forgave me for that, let alone have feelings for me again. And so much has happened, I just…I'm not sure I can see that. Besides, this has easily been the hardest thing I've ever gone through with a friend, A drama included. I'm not sure I could do that to our friendship. I can't lose you again."

Hanna thought about everything her friend had just said. Realistically it all made sense. But Hanna couldn't let her friend think this way. even if it was awkward and uncomfortable, Hanna couldn't let Spencer hold herself back, not if it meant her actually being happy. They all deserved happiness, any way that they could get it.

"Ok, you may be the genius but everything you just said is wrong." Spencer looked up at her friend, her eyes widened in surprise. "First of all, don't ever for a second think you're not enough for anyone. No matter what you did, you are the total package Spence. For most women a baby would be a total buzzkill to potential dates, but in your case it really just levels the playing field because you my friend had a stacked hand to begin with."

"Hanna, I'm starting to lose track with all your metaphors." Spencer smiled at her friend.

"Shut up, you know what I'm saying. Anyone would be lucky to have you, Caleb included. But I do understand the trust thing and I agree that'll make things harder. But trust can be earned back. And as far as our friendship goes, Spence we have been through way too much to let this get in the way. And maybe it's a little fucked up that we fucked the same guy…" Spencer couldn't help but roll her eyes at her friend's crudeness, "…but after everything that's happened I've learned life it way too short and we need to grab every chance we can at happiness. All I ask is you don't rush into anything. We all need time to heal. And maybe just a heads up if you ever decide to shack up again, I don't want to catch you two in bed or anything like that ever."

Spencer felt tears sting her eyes. She threw her arms around her friend and laid her head on her shoulder. She had missed the blonde so much. No one could quite irritate Spencer as much as Hanna, but then the girl could turn on a dime and say things like that to her, thing that seemed to make everything alright again. "Thanks Hanna. When did you get so wise?" Spencer teased her friend in an effort to stop herself from crying yet again.

"Probably around the time you were dilated 10 centimetres." Hanna retaliated easily. The girls shared an easy laugh and for the first time it like they were finally going to be ok.

"Han, I won't rush into anything. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't for James' sake. And I'm not saying anything will happen, but if it does I will be sure to give you fair warning. I meant what I said earlier. I'm not willing to give up our friendship for anything."

"Thanks Spence. Your friendship means a lot to me too. And I'm really glad you're home."

Before she had a chance to respond, Spencer was certain she could hear James crying. The door suddenly burst open and a breathless Emily was holding James out like a football and rushing over to Spencer.

"Here, he's hungry again." Emily promptly dropped the screaming baby in Spencer's lap, Aria following behind, trying to hold back her laughter at the swimmer's reaction to James' fit. Hanna just looked confused.

Spencer smiled and shook her head as she settled back to feed James. The other three girls looked at the new mother, who was in her own world at the moment, and then at each other. They didn't need to speak it but could see it in each others' eyes. Things were going to be very different.

This was the new normal.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for your patience, here is the Caleb chapter! Sorry, it is LONG. I couldn't figure out a good place to split it though. And I felt bad for making you wait for it :)

Also thank you for all your kind reviews! When I first published this I thought maybe a couple people would like it, so I am so glad you all are enjoying it so far! I had to delete one review - I don't mind negative reviews but if it's a Haleb shipper that types in all caps and just talks about how Spencer is a slut and a shitty friend and that Haleb is foreverrrrr, you're gonna get deleted. It's not constructive and is just plain annoying. Go read Haleb stories if you love them so much.

To the Guest reviewer re: the "ditzy" description for Hanna - you're right, it may not have been the best word. I don't think it's a totally negative word (I'm blonde and have used it to describe myself sometimes). I just meant it in a way that was opposite not necessarily Spencer's intellect, but Spencer's need to be right, or her "genius" identity. She can never admit to being wrong, and wouldn't intentionally get something wrong. I feel like Hanna does do this sometimes, deliberately says incorrect things or kind of plays a bit dumb sometimes, but is actually really smart. Also, I'm not sure how much Hanna & Aria will be in this, but I like the idea of a love interest for Hanna too. I want her to be happy! Any ideas on who it could be? Would you prefer someone from PLL or a whole new character? I'm good with almost anyone but Jordan. He was beyond dull.

* * *

The four girls relaxed into an easy visit, ordering Chinese takeout for lunch and catching up on everything they had missed after being apart. They stayed until Spencer had another chance to feed James so they wouldn't be interrupted on the road. They parted with hugs and promises to see each other soon. Spencer was quiet as the started leaving the city. Her and Emily didn't talk much but she had filled the other girl in enough for her to know that things were ok between the two friends. Emily was grateful, knowing the four of them were on the way to being friends again. Real friends, not friends who text occasionally and like each others Instagrams.

After half an hour Spencer fell asleep and didn't wake until Emily pulled up to the brunette's home. It was only six at night but it might as well be midnight the way she felt. She groaned as she got out the SUV, the nap hadn't really helped at all. Her mother had heard the car pull up and came to the door to greet them.

"Hi girls, how was the trip?" Veronica stepped over to Spencer's side of the car and held out her hands for James as Spencer lifted him out of the carseat.

"It was good. We talked and I think things are going to be ok." Spencer looked at her mom, her eyes tired but happy, and passed her son to her mother's waiting hands.

"The drive wasn't too bad?"

"Yeah, it was good as long as everyone had eaten." Emily smirked at Spencer.

Spencer laughed, sure her friend would never let go of the topic. "Emily doesn't really care for James' need to eat." Veronica raised her eyebrows and looked at Emily, amusement on her face.

"Hey, it's not that I have a problem with the fact he needs to eat. I just think he could be a little more subtle about it." Emily defended herself, smiling.

"Well, I'll be sure he knows. But you better be careful, if he hears about your complaints he might just let go of that little crush of his." Spencer teased her friend back as she retrieved the stroller from the back and lifted the diaper bag onto her shoulder.

"Yeah whatever. I better get home, Mom probably has dinner ready and I need to get ready for work soon. See you later Spence. Nice to see you too Mrs. Hastings." Emily leaned over and gave the younger Hastings a quick hug.

"Emily we're all adults, I've told you before, call me Veronica."

"Sorry, old habits." Emily flashed another smile at the two as she climbed back into the vehicle and slowly drove away.

Veronica looked over at her daughter and started walking to the door, Spencer following behind her.

"Dinner should be ready soon. I made lasagna. Do you want to eat first or feed him first?" Veronica looked down at the boy in her arms, who was watching his grandmother intently.

"He ate before we left the city, so he should be good for a little while. Why don't we eat first?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Spencer set everything down in the living room, too tired to bother putting the things away. She'd deal with it tomorrow. Veronica pulled their dinner out of the oven as Spencer retrieved plates and cutlery for them. She scooped some salad onto each plate as her mother dished up the main course. The two women sat together while Spencer filled her in on her day. Veronica was happy to hear things went well, and was glad her daughter was going to have the girls back in her life. The four of them shared a bond that was not easily broken, and she felt like they truly needed each other. They cleaned up the kitchen together and Spencer took James upstairs to feed and change him.

* * *

Spencer was curled up on her red chair, James at her chest peacefully nursing. She opened up her email on her phone and scrolled through the list of contacts. Her thumb hovered over the one she was looking for.

"Well James, it might be a long shot but it's kind of our only option right now. What do you say, should we try it?" James didn't even glance up at her, too intent on his meal. "Yeah, I figured that's what you say. Well, here goes nothing."

 _Caleb,_

 _I'm not sure if you still check this email, but I wanted to let you know I am back in Rosewood. There are some things I need to discuss with you._

 _Spencer_

It was completely wrong. It sounded like an email to a coworker, not a former lover and father of your child. But she wasn't sure what else to say. She wasn't even sure he'd get it. She knew she had to try though.

* * *

James was being unusually fussy that evening. Spencer brought him down to nurse him, she didn't want his cries to wake her mother. She was pacing in the kitchen, rubbing the baby's back as he digested his midnight meal. Suddenly there was a knock on the kitchen door. She froze, the old panic coming back like a hurricane force wind. She chided herself; A was gone. Hell, A wouldn't have knocked. Who would be knocking on her door at midnight? She put James down in his bouncy seat that was on the floor, a couch blocking the view of him from the door. She warily moved to answer the knock. Looking through the curtain her heart stopped. Everything froze and she slowly reached for the handle and opened the door.

"Spence." Relief flooded his eyes that she had opened the door. He had taken a chance that anyone was up, but it was the Hastings house. Usually no one was in bed before midnight.

"Caleb." Her breath stuck in her throat. After all this time, she couldn't believe how much she still loved him.

"I got your email. You said we had some things to talk about?"

She swallowed and attempted to remain calm. She stepped aside and gestured for him to come in.

"Yes. You might want to sit down."

* * *

 _He thought he was going crazy. He had wanted this. Hadn't he? He wanted to be with Hanna. He was sure of it. Ever since that kiss the night she went missing. It was all so confusing. Spencer hadn't even been angry about the kiss. He wished she had lashed out at him when she found out about it. Why didn't she get more angry? Maybe she didn't care about hims as much as she said she did. But no, his feelings were for Hanna, not Spencer. Why was he thinking about Spencer right now?  
_

 _Maybe it was him. Maybe he was messed up, and just wanted what he couldn't have. That made sense. He wanted Spencer when he saw her in Madrid, and all those years in DC. But he knew he couldn't have her, because that would have meant betraying Hanna. Then when he and Spencer came back to Rosewood, and they were allowed to be together finally, he had to have Hanna again. What was wrong with him?_

 _It didn't help that he wasn't sleeping. He rubbed his eyes and turned his attention back to the laptop in front of him, and the myriad papers strewn around him on the desk. He had to figure this out. He had to find out who A was. If he could do that, Spencer could come back and maybe he could resolve his feelings once and for all. He knew it wasn't fair to either of them. He was the worst sort of person, and knowing it didn't make him feel better._

 _There had to be something in all this mess. A had to have made a mistake somewhere, given away something, anything. He had to figure this out. Figuring this out was the only way to get her back. He tried not to think about what he would do when she was actually here again. How even if he decided it was her he was supposed to be with, he had screwed it up. He had practically bounced back to Hanna seconds after his breakup with Spencer. In hindsight he couldn't believe how much of a jerk he was, to both of them. How had he let this get so complicated?_

 _He rubbed his eyes again, the letters on the screen blurring together. He needed sleep. He wasn't going to be able to solve this tonight. He got up and climbed back into bed. He really did love Hanna. But in what way? Was it the same way he did in high school? Was that all this was, trying to recreate something from their past? It didn't feel the same as it did back then. It felt like they were trying to be people that didn't exist anymore. And it was so different with Spencer. Was it because they had known each other as friends first? Was it because they were adults when they decided to be together romantically? He thought of San Francisco and how it wasn't even a hard decision to give that job up. He would have done it all over again, knowing it meant he got to stay close to her._

 _This was so messed up. He sighed and turned onto his back. He needed sleep. And he needed to figure out how he felt. It wasn't fair to any of them that he couldn't figure this out. But everything was so much more important this time. He wouldn't get another shot at this. He knew that. If something were to happen there would be no recovering this time. So he needed to make up his mind, and he needed to do it soon. He needed to get her back. That was the only way to figure all this out. She was his last thought as he drifted off to sleep._

* * *

She wasn't ready for this. She didn't think he'd get the email, and if he did, she certainly didn't expect him to arrive on her doorstep without warning. But hadn't she done the same thing? Shown up and surprised everyone? No, she had done it differently. She had brought a baby with her. She stopped a bubble of laughter from coming out at the thought of Caleb arriving with a baby. Oh no, she was going crazy. She really needed more sleep before dealing with this.

She suddenly remembered James was downstairs with her. She needed to say something, anything, before Caleb noticed. She sped over to where James was sleeping in his chair on the floor and gently lifted him up.

"Look, there's no easy way to say this, and probably a hundred ways of doing it better, but this is the reason I left. This is James. He's our son." Spencer stood a few steps away from a shocked Caleb, holding onto James tightly.

Caleb was a statue. Spencer wasn't even completely certain he was breathing. His eyes were wholly focused on the sleeping baby in Spencer's arms. He didn't even bother doubting that the child was his; besides the obvious similarity in looks, he knew Spencer would never lie about something like this.

After what felt like hours but what was likely a few minutes, conscious thought starting returning to him.

"But…how? I thought we…" He couldn't yet speak in full sentences, the shock still wearing off.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I was on the pill and we always used condoms. But I looked it up. While extremely rare, pregnancy can result even with multiple forms of contraception. There's a few factors that contribute to it." Spencer wisely kept some of the information to herself. Talking about Caleb's strong swimmers and her mind-blowing orgasms probably wasn't the best thing right now.

Caleb couldn't help but smile. "Of course you looked it up. Some things never change I guess."

"And some things do." Spencer responded solemnly. "Do you…do you want to hold him?

She knew he was in shock, but she was nervous. He hadn't really said anything about James, and hadn't made a move toward him.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and slowly nodded his head. She stepped forward and carefully placed the sleeping baby in Caleb's larger arms. Almost immediately tears formed in his eyes and before he knew it they were falling down his face. Spencer couldn't help but tear up at the sight. Neither one of them were emotional people, but this was definitely one of those extraordinary circumstances that warranted a display of emotion.

"Spence, he's…he's perfect. And how is he? Healthy?" Caleb looked up and met Spencer's gaze. His noticed an odd look in her eyes. She quickly blinked and it was gone. It was so quick he thought he imagined it.

She looked down and beamed with pride at their son. "He's perfect. He's not very smiley or chatty, especially with others, but is endlessly good and easy. And extremely healthy. He's always been given a clean bill of health at every checkup."

"Good. Good." Caleb was at a loss of what else to say. They both spent a few quiet moments just staring down at the baby, who was blissfully unaware of the attention he was the centre of.

"Boy, when you said we had things to discuss you really meant it." Caleb hadn't even looked up from the baby, but was smiling as he spoke.

"Well, you know me. I like to be the best at everything. I figured nothing could top a surprise baby." Spencer gently teased back. "And as much as we do need to talk, I think it should probably wait until morning. I'm exhausted, you look exhausted, and James needs to go back to bed."

Caleb nodded in agreement. "You're right. Why don't I take him up? Your old room?" Caleb started walking to the stairs.

"Yes, his playpen is set up in there until I can get a crib for him. Oh and Caleb…" Caleb turned around and met Spencer's eyes. "Thanks for coming back."

"Same to you Spence." He turned and continued his way upstairs.

After he had disappeared from her sight, a wave of exhaustion and emotion completely overwhelmed her. From her conversation with Hanna earlier to the events of the night, it all became too much for Spencer. She collapsed onto the couch and starting sobbing uncontrollably into one of the throw pillows. After some time, the tears finally abated; she wasn't sure how long she had cried for, and while she felt completely spent, she also felt liberated. A huge weight had been lifted off of her, and she was confident she'd finally sleep well. She made her way to her room and the sight that greeted her threatened to make her cry all over again. As if she had any moisture left in her body.

There on her bed, both facing her, were Caleb and James. They were like twins, so similar did they look in their peaceful slumber. Caleb was on top of the covers, as if he had only meant to lie there for a minute with the infant. James was wrapped up in warm blanket. Spencer's heart overflowed. She knew she shouldn't be encouraging herself, that her and Caleb had so much to work through. She knew getting back together was a long shot, she didn't even know if it was possible. But just for tonight, staring at the two most important people in her life, she thought it wouldn't be the worst thing to just give in and enjoy it for a few hours. So she carefully crawled underneath the covers and snuggled up to her son, who was now in between her and Caleb. Maybe just for one night she could pretend that they were mom, dad, and baby. A real family.

* * *

Caleb woke, every bone in his body weary from the past few months. He had that uncomfortable feeling you only get from sleeping in your clothes. He looked down and realized that's exactly what had happened. The events from a few hours ago came rushing back to mind when he noticed the woman and baby sound asleep in front of him. He gently reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not quite believing she was really here. He reverently traced his son's tiny ear, eyebrow, cheek, and chin, staring in wonder at this perfect little person that looked so much like himself.

His son. He still couldn't believe it. He understood the chain of events, how things happened. But if felt like a dream. He hadn't heard the full story from Spencer, but he could put some of the pieces together and knew why she had left. He felt like he should be angry, but all he could feel right now was shock and relief. He was glad she was safe. That she had been safe the whole time. And while he would have liked to know that he was going to be a father, he knew she had her reasons for not telling him right away.

It was still early in the morning. Too early to get up. As much as he would probably be more comfortable shedding his clothes and finding a bed to himself, he couldn't move from his spot. So with another look at the mother and child in blissful sleep, he let himself fall back to sleep. A new day - and his new life - would start soon enough.

* * *

Spencer awoke to find her room slowly filling with morning light. She looked over to find Caleb sound asleep, but her son wide awake and quietly staring at the ceiling and everything around him. By some miracle he hadn't woken during the night to eat, and she felt well-rested for the first time in ages. She knew he would be hungry soon though, so while he was still happy, she picked him up and took him downstairs before he had a chance to wake the man in her bed.

Veronica was already downstairs, sipping her coffee and reading the morning paper. She looked up as her daughter came downstairs with her grandson. She noticed the bags that had been under the girl's eyes for the past few days were gone and she smiled.

"Good morning." She greeted Spencer as she reached out to take James.

Spencer passed the baby into her mother's arms and she moved to the fridge to find something for breakfast. With any luck she could eat before James needed to.

"I see you had an extra person in your bed last night." Spencer froze as Veronica's words landed on her. She looked over at her mother, who had a smirk on her face and one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, uh, Caleb got my message. He got in late last night." Spencer continued on with preparing her breakfast.

"So I take it you two talked? Veronica rubbed James' hair as he played on her lap, trying without success to grab the paper sitting in front of him.

"Enough for him to know he has a son. It was late, I didn't think it was a good time to really get into it." Spencer said with her back to her mother as she cracked two eggs into a pan.

Veronica nodded her head in agreement, even though her daughter wasn't looking. "That's probably wise. The middle of the night is never a good time for a long discussion. So me seeing you two in bed together, is this going to be a regular thing? I just want to know what to expect." Veronica teased her daughter as she drained the contents of her coffee cup and stood up.

Spencer rolled her eyes at her mother's comment, then shook her head with a small smile. "No, last night was a one-time thing. We have too much to figure out and besides, I'm not ready to go make that a regular occurrence. With anyone."

Veronica nodded again, as she strapped James into his bouncy seat on the kitchen island. She knew her daughter's feelings for the man upstairs, but she also knew Spencer was going to be extra cautious with this. She had a lot on the line right now, and it would probably be best if they took things slow.

"Well, I trust you to do the right thing. Tell Caleb he's welcome to the guest room as long as he needs it. I need to head to the office for a few hours, I'll see you later for dinner." Veronica gave James a kiss before grabbing her purse and keys and heading out the door.

"Bye Mom." Spencer scraped her breakfast onto a plate and turned her attention to James. "Well little man, looks like it's back to you and me for now. What do you think we should do today?"

"I'm guessing if he had a choice it'd be sleep and eat?" Spencer turned with a start as she saw Caleb coming down the stairs, grinning sleepily and running a hand through his shaggy hair.

She ran her eyes over him, as if seeing him for the first time. Last night had taken her completely by surprise, she hadn't really had a chance to notice the changes in him. His hair had grown longer. She had always liked his long hair. Not that she would have admitted that in high school. She frowned as she noticed he had lost weight, as if he hadn't had a proper meal or night's sleep in ages. Which was probably true based on the information she had gleaned from Hanna. His eyes still had that twinkle in them, as if he were in on some private joke. Then she realized his eyes were on her and she blushed at the thought of being caught staring. She cleared her throat and moved to the fridge, turning her back to him.

"You're probably right, which is why I'm glad he can't talk yet. Can I make you something? An omelet maybe?" Spencer was already pulling the ingredients out of the fridge.

"Yeah that sounds great." Spencer sighed with relief that he wasn't going to comment on the fact that she had been staring at him earlier.

Caleb sat at the island and pulled James' seat over so that the baby was facing him. Caleb looked at the baby's serious eyes and still couldn't believe all of this was happening.

"Hey buddy, you were asleep when I got here yesterday, so we haven't been formally introduced. I'm your daddy. It's true. I know I haven't been around but we're gonna have so much fun getting to know each other."

Spencer's heart filled and broke at the same time as Caleb continued to talk to his son. She knew she had done what she needed to, and she was glad to finally see Caleb with James. But she hated that, because of her, he had already missed out on so much of his young son's life. He hadn't been there to feel the kicks she felt while pregnant, to hear his heartbeat at the first ultrasound. He wasn't there for James' first breath, or to witness how amazing that first smile was. She would give anything to make this right. She felt tears come to her eyes and she quickly turned around to face the stove, concentrating hard on the food in the pan. She dashed a hand at a tear that had escaped and only when her eyes finally dried did she turn around and flip the most likely overdone omelet onto a plate and pushed it in front of Caleb.

Caleb dug into his breakfast. James had grabbed onto the index finger of his left hand and Caleb was content to let him play with it as long as he wanted. He studied his son as he ate.

"He looks like me." Caleb looked up at Spencer with a smile of pride.

"Yeah, I noticed that." Spencer responded quietly.

"He has your jaw though. Maybe your nose too."

"Ugh don't say that. He has a perfect baby nose. I'm praying it stays perfect."

"I didn't say it was a bad thing. I like your nose."

Spencer felt warm all of a sudden. His compliment about her least favourite feature made her uncomfortable. Thankfully James chose that moment to declare his need to eat. Spencer had never been so grateful for his hunger tantrums. She laughed as Caleb looked at the screaming infant in surprise. Up until now James had hardly made a peep so she didn't blame him.

"It's ok, he just gets a little fussy when he's hungry." Spencer unbuckled James from his seat and carried him over to the couch, pulling a baby blanket over her shoulder and attempting to quiet her son and get him to eat. She was relieved he didn't kick the blanket off; it was odd enough to be doing this in front of Caleb. It shouldn't be, God knows he had seen it all, but it still felt weird.

"Well he might look like me but he definitely takes after you in that department." Spencer looked up and as she was about to defend herself, Caleb interrupted her. "Spencer, I've seen you when you're hungry. You're too polite to scream like that but you're definitely not pleasant." Caleb grinned at her.

She shrugged and smiled back timidly. Her friends had always teased her about her this. Her most foul moods could usually be calmed if she ate. She blamed it on her fast metabolism. It's not like her body had a lot of extra energy storage, so when her blood sugar dipped she needed to eat. Quickly.

Caleb continued eating his breakfast as Spencer nursed James. Both of them felt a little awkward. They hadn't seen each other in ages and now suddenly they were parents together. So much needed to be said besides teasing about hunger tantrums but neither knew how to bring any of it up.

A few minutes passed until Caleb spoke. "So what's the plan for today?" He asked as he put away his dishes in the dishwasher and tidied up the rest of the kitchen.

"I'm not sure. I had thought about tackling the barn, but the past few days kind of wore me out and I don't really feel up to it. I was thinking of taking him for a walk, maybe to the park. You want to come with?"

"Of course. When did you want to head out?"

James had finished eating so Spencer moved him up to her shoulder so she could burp him. "Well I need to shower and get him ready. I'm assuming you'd like to shower as well?"

"I won't lie, that would feel amazing. Why don't you head up and get ready, I'll stay down here with him until you're done." Caleb moved towards the couch where Spencer still sat.

"Are you sure?" At Caleb's nod, Spencer stood and handed James over to him. "I don't think he's quite done burping, and sometimes he spits up a bit. You might want to keep the blanket on your shoulder. And I don't really pat his back, I read that it's better to rub in an upward direction on his spine to get him to burp. It can take a little longer, but it's supposed to help with digestion. A circular motion also works. If he gets fussy feel free to put him in his chair, he likes bouncing in it. Oh and if he – " Caleb cut her off before she could continue, a look of amusement on his face.

"Spence you're going up for a shower, not leaving for the weekend. I think we'll be find for a few minutes on our own."

Spencer looked down sheepishly. Of course he was right. This was just all so new. "Sorry, you're right. Ok James, Mama's gonna go upstairs and get herself ready. You be good." She placed a quick kiss on the baby's head and went upstairs to take a much needed shower.

As the hot water ran over her she thought of the events that had happened in the last few days. It had been chaotic and overwhelming, but she was glad to be back. Her time away had been calm compared to what was going on with A. She didn't have to look over her shoulder or deal with constant threats. But it had taken an emotional toll on her. Not being able to share the news or to talk to anyone about what was going on was hard. Especially Caleb. Not only because he was James' father, but because he had been her best friend for three years before had they gotten together. She had told him everything, and he did the same with her. Any time she had something good or bad happen, he was the first one she ran to. And when they added sex to their already solid friendship, she thought she finally had it all. Who could ask for more than to fall in love with their best friend?

And then it all fell apart. Almost before she could blink it was over and he was back with Hanna. She had suddenly lost everything. Her lover and her best friend. It had devastated her. She didn't think anyone really knew how much it had torn her up. _She_ barely knew. Things were getting more intense with A, she didn't have time to sit and cry over a breakup. And then she found out she was pregnant and everything got even more complicated.

But she was back now. Caleb was back. She didn't have to hide anymore. Her friends could know the whole truth. Caleb could know his son. And now they could work on untangling this gigantic mess of friendship and sex and love and parenthood. Not just because they owed it to themselves. They owed it to James. She wasn't sure she and Caleb would be able to be together, but she desperately wanted James to know that both his parents loved him unconditionally, even if they couldn't love each other the way the needed to.

Spencer snapped out of her deep thoughts and reluctantly got out of the shower. She slowly dressed, combed her hair back into a ponytail and looked into the mirror. She knew without a doubt it'd be so easy to fall back into old patterns. Doubly easy, considering how much her heart jumped whenever she saw Caleb with James. But she couldn't let herself go there. She had to be strong, iron. She couldn't mess this up, not for James.

She turned and left the bathroom and discovered Caleb in her room with James. Caleb was stretched out on his side on her bed, quietly talking to James who was laying on his back, staring up at Caleb. Spencer couldn't hear what Caleb was saying to him, all she saw was James smiling widely at Caleb, letting out the occasional giggle.

"He usually doesn't smile for new people. Let alone laugh." She almost hated to interrupt the moment.

Caleb looked up at her. "I'm not new, I'm his dad." He grinned.

Spencer smiled wryly back at him. "You know what I mean. Now go get in the shower, I'll get him ready."

"Alright, I can't argue with that. Ok James, go to Mama. And remember what we talked about." Caleb passed the boy to Spencer, giving him a kiss on the head at the same time.

"What did you two talk about?" Spencer smiled hat her son and then at Caleb.

"Sorry, that's between father and son. A mother wouldn't understand." He chuckled at Spencer's mock glare and left the room to clean himself up. It was good to be home.

* * *

Once everyone was showered, dressed, fed, changed and more or less put together, they set out to make their way to the park, Spencer pushing James in the stroller. They walked slowly, enjoying the sunshine, not in particular a hurry to reach their destination. They walked in silence at first, neither one knowing what topic of conversation to bring up. There was so many things they needed to discuss, it was hard to know where to start.

"Where were you?" Caleb looked at the ground as he walked, and stole a quick look at Spencer after asking the question.

"Arizona." She answered without hesitating. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "It felt like the least likely place people would expect me to go."

"You got that right."

It was quiet again. He didn't seem to need more of an explanation of her time away.

"Where were you?" She figured it was only fair to ask him the same question.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His answer wasn't going to be as simple. "Europe. And then DC." She raised her eyebrows in question at him. She needed more.

"After we caught Noel & Jenna, and you still hadn't come home, I started to panic. So I tried to figure out where you had gone. I don't think Hanna knew what I was doing, but she knew I was up to something. She knew I wasn't all there, she got tired of it and broke up with me. It was probably a long time coming." He glanced at Spencer as he said this. There was no look of shock or surprise on her face. She must have already talked to Hanna. "Since I had no ties here I went to Europe to look for you. I started in Madrid. I went to every hostel, hotel, and bar I could remember us going to. I thought maybe you had wanted to escape to somewhere familiar." Spencer was quiet, pondering his words as he talked.

"Obviously I didn't find you there. And the more places I visited, the more I thought about our time there, how uncomplicated and free we were. You were so different there. I felt like I had never really known you before then. Maybe it was because there was no A, or because we weren't back home where you were under pressure from your family. But I just kept thinking of our time together, and how it was the start of one of the best friendships I ever had."

Spencer hoped he didn't catch her flinch at the last sentence. Friendship. She had known what 'they' said about hope. She had known, but a small part of her had still held on to a possibility that Caleb still had feelings for her, would still want to be with her. But it sounded like all they would ever be was friends. For James' sake, she had to make peace with that. She realized Caleb was still talking.

"So after being in Europe for a couple months, I realized I was never going to find you there. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. So I came back and went to DC. Just to be on the safe side, even though I knew it was unlikely, I checked your old place. And my old place. I looked up a few of your DC friends. None of them had heard from you since you had come back to Rosewood. For all intents and purposes, you had vanished. So I finally gave up. I had been in DC for about a week when I got your email. As soon as I read it I didn't even think, I just got in the car and drove until I was on your doorstep. You have no idea how relieved I was to finally hear from you, to know you were back safe and sound."

Spencer could feel Caleb looking at her. She knew she needed to say something. But every time she tried, the words seemed to die in her throat. After a couple minutes passed she said the only thing she could.

"I'm sorry Caleb."

Caleb shook his head. "I didn't tell you this to make you feel guilty Spencer. I just wanted you to know the full story."

"I know. I just hate that I had to disappear like that. And I did, but…" She didn't want to continue, but she owed him a full explanation. She took a deep breath and decided to go for it.

"When I got to Arizona, I had no means of communication. No cell phone, no computer, no internet, no television even. I was basically Amish. I couldn't take the risk of A finding me. I couldn't take the chance of hearing something about Rosewood, it would just cause me to worry about all of you. And as my due date got closer I wouldn't have been able to travel anyways. But a couple weeks after James was born, I caved and went to the library and tried to find out what I could. That was when I found out A had been caught. That Noel and Jenna had received their sentence and were behind bars. It was like an out of body experience, reading the names of people I knew in such a detached way. I couldn't find information on everyone, so I searched obituaries, praying I wouldn't recognize any names. Thankfully I didn't." She shuddered as she remembered that day. She had been a complete mess.

"Knowing that A was caught, I knew it meant I should go back. That I had to go back. But I was in a bubble in Arizona. And I didn't want to take James out of that bubble yet. I was so terrified that everything I was reading was just planted by A, hoping to lure me out of hiding. I know that wasn't the case, but I couldn't be sure. So I went back every day for two more weeks, looking for new articles. Eventually there were none, and that's when I knew it was all real. That the news crews had moved on and found a newer, more exciting story to report on."

"So why didn't you come home then?" Caleb asked, his voice and expression not telling Spencer if he was hurt by her confession or not.

"Honestly I don't know. James was a newborn. I was still a mess of hormones from the pregnancy, labour, and delivery. I was trying to figure out how to take care of him. But I think I was just scared. I knew I had so much explaining to do when I got back. To my family, to the girls. To you. I wasn't sure I could face it all. But then with each week that passed I knew it was going to be that much harder. So I finally bit the bullet and bought a plane ticket back home."

This time it was Caleb that was quiet as he thought over her confession. He understood everything that she had said. He couldn't lie, part of him was angry that she had stayed away longer than she needed to. That he wouldn't have had to go looking for her if she had come home sooner. That he could have been bonding with his son over the last couple of months instead of running frantically all over Europe. But he could understand her in a way. She had been alone, with a newborn baby.

Spencer stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Caleb must be furious with her. She needed to make this right. "Caleb, I am _so_ sorry. I know that what I did was horrible, that I should have come home sooner. You wouldn't have gone to Europe, you and Hanna wouldn't have…" Her voice broke then. She didn't really want to think about the fact that she had been the reason Hanna had broken up with Caleb. Yet another reason for him to be mad at her.

Caleb's head snapped up when he realized what she was saying.

"Spencer, it wasn't your fault. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little angry knowing you could have come back sooner. But I'm not _really_ angry with you. I get it." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Hanna and I…we weren't going to make it anyway. You didn't come between us. It's just something that wasn't meant to be." He hoped she believed him. She needed to believe him.

Spencer had been looking at the ground, but with Caleb's latest admission she slowly met his eyes. He was telling the truth. She was relieved. Not that he and Hanna had broken up, but that the breakup wasn't Spencer's fault. She would have felt beyond guilty if it was. She had left enough of a mess behind when she left.

They continued walking, the air around them thick with confessions and heavy words. Neither of them knew what to say next.

"Hey, we're pretty close to the Brew. Why don't we stop for a drink?" Caleb asked gently. Spencer nodded her agreement. A change of scenery would be welcome. Maybe they could get back to some light-hearted conversation.

They entered the coffeehouse and immediately the familiar smell warmed Spencer. Caleb stepped up to the register to order.

"Two large coffees, black."

"Actually, make one of those coffees a large decaf peppermint tea." Caleb looked at Spencer with a look of shock on his face. Spencer laughed lightly. He looked nearly as shocked as when he found out he was a father. "I gave up coffee when I found out I was pregnant."

"But you're not pregnant anymore." Caleb frowned, not following Spencer's reasoning.

"Nice observation Sherlock. No, I'm not pregnant, but I am still nursing and the caffeine gets into the breast milk." Spencer smirked back at Caleb.

"Oh. I hadn't thought of that. I never thought I'd see the day Spencer Hastings would give up caffeine." Caleb recovered from his shock, smiling at Spencer while he paid for and collected their drinks.

They made their way over to a table, Spencer pulling the stroller close by and Caleb setting her tea down in front of her. After the seriousness of their conversation on the way there, it was nice to be back to their more familiar, joking camaraderie.

"So you've given up caffeine, what else? You're practicing yoga? Taken up knitting?" Caleb teased.

"Very funny." Spencer just rolled her eyes at his comment.

"Don't tell me you've given up your sense of humour while you're breastfeeding too." Caleb grinned at Spencer.

"Ok funny guy, let's see you give up alcohol & caffeine indefinitely, see what kind of shape your sense of humour is in after that." Spencer fired back, a smile breaking across her lips.

"Touché. I should be thanking you for the sacrifices you've been making for James. I don't think I could do it. Especially coffee. No, alcohol. It's a toss-up."

"You be surprised how easy it is to go without when you know what you're doing it for." Spencer looked down at the sleeping baby, love for him washing over her face.

Caleb watched her as she stared down at James. She had changed so much over the last year. There were obvious things, like the lack of bangs and makeup. Or her clothes. Her previous clothing choices were always carefully picked out, no matter how seemingly ridiculous. And yet here she was, in yoga pants and a hoodie. Then there were less subtle things. Things only someone really close to you can notice. Her eyes were at peace. Her mouth relaxed, a smile not far away. Her figure was still lean, but her arms had lost some definition, her chest more filled out. She had always been a confident person, but her confidence was different now too. It came from a more rooted place. He realized it came from being a mother. She didn't care about anyone else's opinion of her anymore, her only focus was her son.

This was by far Caleb's favourite look on her. He had never been huge fan of the blazers anyways.

Spencer looked up and noticed Caleb gazing at her, lost in his thoughts. She blushed as she considered what a sight she was. She had thrown her hair in a ponytail and put on whatever was comfortable. They had only planned on going to the park. She tucked a piece of hair behind her hair and ducked her head down. Maybe she should start making more of an effort. Even though it seemed her relationship with Caleb was going to be limited to friendship, she knew she'd start dating again eventually. The thought filled her with terror. She didn't have time to think though, since James decided he needed to eat.

Caleb reached for James as Spencer grabbed the blanket and adjusted her position in her chair. She took James from Caleb's hands, the two parents sharing a smirk over their son's escalating cries.

"This is definitely going to take some getting used to." Caleb observed.

"His hunger tantrums?"

"Everything." Spencer nodded in agreement. Being a parent was definitely an adjustment.

"This might be a weird question, but I don't know anything about all of this…"

"It's ok, go ahead." Spencer encouraged Caleb.

"How long will he breastfeed? I mean, it can't be that much fun for you. But it's also a little…limiting. I mean, what if you want someone else to watch him? Or what if I want to spend the day with him?"

Spencer froze at his last question. She hadn't spent any time away from James, and now Caleb wanted to take him away for a whole day? Caleb noticed the shift in Spencer's demeanour and realized what he had said.

"I mean, not any time soon. He's still young, I barely know what to do with a baby. And I wouldn't do anything without making sure you were comfortable with it." Caleb rushed to calm Spencer's unspoken fears.

Spencer shook her head. She couldn't believe she made Caleb feel that way about taking care of his own son. She didn't want to be one of those crazy exes that never lets her kid see his dad. This co-parenting was going to be more difficult than she thought though.

"I'm sorry Caleb. I didn't mean for you to feel like you would never have opportunity for one-on-one time with him. I just panicked. I've never been apart from him for more than an hour, the mention of a whole day may have freaked me out a little." Spencer gave Caleb a weak smile and reached across the table to squeeze his hand, letting him know she was sorry.

"To answer your questions, babies can nurse indefinitely. I figured I'd try to make it until he's one. But he hasn't started biting me yet, if that happens I might just quit." Spencer laughed at Caleb's expression. This be so weird for him.

"Does it hurt?"

"Sometimes. But it's not too bad. I'm more sensitive because of it, and sometimes he gets overeager and pulls a bit too hard, but overall it's been good. I actually really love being able to do this for him. The night feedings are probably my favourite. We can be in our own little world. But I do have a pump. I don't love using it, it messes with my supply, but sometimes it can't be helped. He's also not terribly used to a bottle. But I suppose things are going to have to change. I mean, if you are going to be looking after him on your own, we'll just have to adjust to that." Spencer swallowed a lump. This was going to be hard indeed.

"Spence, I'm not trying to take him away from you. I've been a father for less than 24 hours, i don't even have a place of my own yet, I'm crashing in your guest room. I know you've been through a lot. We both have. I'm going to be around as much as I can though. I don't intend on being a part-time dad. I want better for him than what I had. But the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable. I know we have a lot of decisions to make together, but for right now let's just take it one day at a time."

Spencer sighed with relief at Caleb's words. She should have known she could trust him to be sensitive in all of this. It was just that up until now she was solely in control of her and James. Giving up control was never her strong suit. James had finished eating so she lifted him up and adjusted her top before pulling the blanket off.

"Well, in that case, do you want to do the honours Daddy?" She raised an eyebrow as she held James out to Caleb.

"Of course. Someone's gotta teach him what a proper burp is." Caleb grinned at Spencer as he placed the blanket and baby on his shoulder as if he had done it a million times instead of for the first time that morning. They proceeded to collect their empty cups and throw them in the trash, getting ready to go home, the park idea long abandoned.

As the walked towards the door, suddenly their path was interrupted by the last person Spencer had expected to run into.

"Toby?"


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for that cliffhanger, I know it was a bit cruel but I couldn't resist! I had to make sure you'd come back for the next chapter! ;)

Again, thank you so much for your reviews. I haven't written a fictional story since high school which was a hundred years ago, so the fact you are actually enjoying this absolutely blows my mind. I thought I'd respond to a few here:

 **Guest:** I like the idea of Holbrook for Hanna! TBH, I completely forgot him as a character and had to look up some youtube videos lol. They had great chemistry!

 **Theda's Evening Writings:** Thank you so much! Part of the reason I loved the Spencer/Caleb pairing on the show was because they were actually a mature couple. They had moved on from high school. This chapter brings a bit of their immaturity out though. Not in a bad way, it's just bound to happen at some point :)

 **silentmayhem:** I love how PLL has developed the characters (which the exception of Aria, I find she's more interesting without Ezra around but he's _always_ around). So that is a HUGE compliment you find the characters' personalities are true to the situation. I feel like I'm doing justice to something other, better, writers have created.

I do not own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

Spencer was frozen in place, hands gripping the stroller as if she would collapse without it. She saw the way Toby's face paled at the sight of her and Caleb together. At Caleb holding a baby. Her and Caleb's baby. She knew he had put it together as soon as he saw the three of them. Her reason for leaving. Her reason for coming home.

After what seemed an eternity, Caleb spoke. "Spencer why don't I take him and meet you at the house." She nodded mutely back at him. Thankfully he didn't bother taking the stroller, he just wrapped a blanket around James and continued rubbing his back as he started walking away from them.

Spencer looked at the floor, afraid to meet Toby's eyes. She didn't know why she felt this way. She had nothing to feel guilty over. They had ended things years ago. He was with Yvonne. Wasn't he? She quickly glanced at his hand and noticed a lack of ring. But that didn't mean anything, lots of guys didn't wear a wedding ring. Or maybe they were still engaged. Planning a wedding took time, maybe—

"So you're home." Her thoughts were cut off and she finally looked up at him.

"Yeah, I'm home." Wow, looks like all those years at Georgetown really paid off. Couldn't she think of anything better to say?

This was easily the most uncomfortable moment of her life. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why couldn't she? She hadn't even thought about running into him. The whole time she had been preparing to come home she had dreaded how she was going to explain herself to her family, the girls…Caleb. The one person she hadn't thought of was Toby. She didn't know why. It had now been silent for too long, one of them needed to say something.

"So you two are…together?" Toby asked quietly.

"No. No, we're not together." Spencer was quick to respond. She hoped Toby hadn't caught the hint of sadness in her statement.

Toby just nodded, his intense gaze looking at a random spot in the room, avoiding eye contact with Spencer. "I just figured, you both had been gone awhile. I thought maybe he found you and you two…"

Spencer shook her head. "I got back a few days ago. Caleb just found out about James yesterday. I didn't know he had been looking for me." Spencer bit her bottom lip. She didn't know how much longer she could stand here. She mentally kicked herself for not thinking of this possibility. For not being prepared. But who is ever prepared to run into their ex? The one who was supposed to be "the one"? She held back a humourless laugh. In a town like Rosewood it's par for the course to have awkward run-ins with exes.

"Well…congratulations." It was all he could think to say.

"Thank you." Spencer responded quietly. It looked like Toby was getting ready to say goodbye, but she couldn't leave the conversation like this. They had been through so much together. Granted it was a long time ago, but he would always be an important part of her life. She wouldn't change that for the world.

"You know, I've been making apology rounds since I got back. I think I owe you one too." Toby raised an eyebrow at her confession. He didn't say anything in response, so she continued. "I disappeared and left you all to fight A. I feel horrible about that. But you know now why I had to leave. It would have been so much worse if I had stayed. But I am sorry. For everything."

Toby nodded in acceptance of her apology. He did understand. He always understood. It still hurt though. Not that she left, but the reason for leaving.

"It's ironic, isn't it? All those years ago, we weren't looking at the same picture. Now you are. But it's with him." His eyes betrayed no anger, just sadness at the way things had worked out between them.

Spencer looked down and swallowed the lump that suddenly caught in her throat. So he had noticed. He knew she was still in love with Caleb.

"Yes." She smiled sadly at him. "But this time he's the one that isn't seeing the picture. How's that for irony. " Tears sprang to her eyes. She was awful. Crying in front of her ex, who still possibly had feelings for her, about being in love with his friend who didn't reciprocate. It always came back to that stupid picture. There had been so many times she wanted to see that picture with him, but she couldn't. It never looked right. When they had realized that it broke her heart because there was no one better to see that picture with. Could this get any worse?

It could. Because it was Toby, and as soon as he saw the tears in her eyes, he pulled her into his arms in a comforting hug. He knew the pain she was in. He had been in that pain. But it was probably a million times worse for her because now the picture was real. There was a real baby this time and now she had to see that damn picture every day. She had to raise a child with the man she loved who didn't love her back. Toby couldn't imagine a worse hell to be in.

The tears, mercifully, were quick. It was less than a minute until Spencer withdrew from Toby's arms, wiping her face and smiling shyly in appreciation at him.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry Toby. You're the last person I should be discussing this with. It's not fair to you." It really wasn't. When was she going to stop putting him through this?

Toby shook his head. "No apology necessary. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. Believe that."

She silently nodded at him. How had she been so lucky to have him in her life? She turned back to the stroller. She needed to get home. She felt Toby move away, and as she opened the door to leave the coffee shop, she quickly turned around.

"Toby." He looked back at her from his spot at the register, his expression unreadable.

"I want you to be happy too." He nodded and gave her a slight smile. Things were going to be ok between them.

* * *

Spencer returned home emotionally drained from her conversations with Caleb and Toby. When would she have a day that was free of confrontation and conflict? She moved towards the family room where Caleb was playing with James on the floor. The sight of her baby gave her a jolt of energy. She couldn't get over how much she missed him when he wasn't around, even if it was just for half an hour like today.

"There's my boy. I missed you. Did you have fun with your daddy?" She sunk down on the floor next to the baby, whose limbs were flailing around. His face lit up his at the sound of his mother's voice. She took hold of one of his hands and he grasped his fingers around one of hers tightly.

"How was your talk with Toby?" Caleb asked, still looking down at James. His voice betrayed no emotion.

"Good. He understands why I left." Spencer glanced over at Caleb, wondering how much she really needed to divulge.

"What does he think about James? About me being James' father?" Spencer was confused about Caleb's questions. What was it he was after?

"He wasn't thrilled. But it's Toby. He understood what happened and there's not much else to it." Spencer shrugged her shoulder as Caleb stood up and moved toward the kitchen.

"Do you think he wants to get back together with you?"

Now Spencer was really confused. Why would Caleb care? And Toby was with Yvonne anyways, wasn't he? "Well if he does he should probably let Yvonne know." Spencer attempted a joke to lighten the mood. It was getting oddly strained and she was too tired to figure out why Caleb was being so weird.

"He and Yvonne broke up." Spencer snapped her head up and looked at Caleb, surprise all over her face. "After you left." Caleb opened the fridge and started removing items. It was early afternoon and they hadn't had lunch yet.

Great. Another thing to feel guilty over. Why hadn't Toby said anything? What had happened between them? She'd have to talk to him again. She thought about Caleb's question. _Did_ Toby want to get back together with her? She knew he probably still cared for her. Just like a part of her would always love him. He meant so much to her. They were each others first loves. But they had moved on. _She_ had moved on. They were completely different people now. If they ever did try to be a couple again, it would be for all the wrong reasons. It would be them trying to recapture something that was in the past. No, she and Toby had to stay friends.

It was still bothering her that Caleb asked that question though. Why should he care if Toby wanted her back?

"Why did you ask that?" She was still sitting on the floor next to James, Caleb busying himself in the kitchen with his back to her.

"Ask what?" Spencer rolled her eyes. He knew what. "Ask if Toby wanted to get back together with me?"

"I don't know. I just figured if something was going to start between you two I should be aware. Especially if it's someone who could be a step-parent to James." He still wasn't facing her, and couldn't see the anger welling up in her.

" _Excuse me?_ " Spencer stood up and walked towards the kitchen island. Caleb heard the anger in her voice and turned around. That was when he realized he had overstepped. Big mistake.

"I just meant—" He started to explain himself, but Spencer cut him off immediately.

"Yes, please, _by all means_ tell me what you meant. Because you've been a parent for all of five minutes so _obviously_ you're more concerned about James' welfare than I would be. You know, _his mother_ , the person who carried him for nine months, remember me?" Spencer stood with her arms crossed, ire flashing in her eyes.

Caleb knew he had started this fight but hearing Spencer's sarcastic tone set him off. "Oh yeah, because it's _my_ fault I've been a parent for _five minutes_ , thanks for that Spence. You're right, why should I be concerned? It's not like it was _my_ choice to not be there for the past three months." If she was going to dish it out she better take it.

Spencer felt tears well up in her eyes and it made her even angrier. She was _not_ one of those girls who cried in a fight to get her way. Damn hormones. It felt like all she did was cry these days.

"You know what Caleb, fuck you. I've been honest with you about everything, you _know_ why I couldn't tell you. _I'm sorry_ I didn't come back earlier, you have no idea how guilty I feel. How many more times do I need to apologize before I'm forgiven? What do you expect me to do, build a fucking time machine and do everything over again?"

Caleb had no idea what to say or do. He didn't know why he had picked this fight. Seeing her face when they saw Toby had stirred something in him. He didn't want to lose his family, however new and disjointed it was, not when he had just found out about it. Before he could say anything though, he noticed Spencer had picked up James and was marching upstairs.

"Spencer come back. You need to eat lunch."

"I'm not hungry!" Her yell and the slam of her door said otherwise.

Caleb sighed. How the hell was he going to fix this?

* * *

Spencer lay on her bed, holding one of her son's hands in hers as he gazed up at her. She wiped a tear off her face and thought about the past few days. Had she only come home four days ago? So much had happened. Good things, like having her mom and friends back. Telling Caleb about James. She was relieved that everyone finally knew, that she didn't have to hide anymore.

But then she ran into Toby and now everything was complicated again. How had that happened? Why did Caleb have to talk about it? She wasn't in any frame of mind to be in a relationship, let alone think about potential step-fathers for James. She thought they had months, years, before that would be a conversation they had to have. This was all happening way too fast. Part of her wanted to run back to Arizona, back when it was just her and James.

She sighed. "Things were definitely less complicated back then, weren't they baby? What do you think I should do?" The boy just smiled up at her. "How do you do that? You always know how to make me feel better." She grinned down at him and kissed his head, then blew a raspberry onto his stomach making him giggle. She continued playing with him until she heard a knock on the door.

"Spencer? Can I come in? We need to talk." She heard Caleb's muffled voice through the door and sighed again. She kind of wished he would just go away. But she knew that wouldn't happen.

"Yeah fine, come in." She didn't move from her spot or turn to face him as she heard the door open. She heard him move towards the bed and set something down on her nightstand.

"I brought you something to eat." He said quietly. He sounded nervous.

"I told you, I'm not hungry." He rolled his eyes. She was unbelievably stubborn. "You're lying, and even if you're not hungry, breakfast was a few hours. You're still nursing, you need the calories."

That surprised her. She didn't expect him to think about things like that. She turned over and noticed a large sandwich on the plate with some cut up vegetables and fruit next to a large glass of water. She sat up and grabbed the plate. She actually _was_ pretty hungry.

"Alright. Thank you." Just then her stomach growled and she looked down, blushing. She realized how stubborn she was being and felt a little guilty, especially when she saw Caleb was really trying.

He shrugged at her, deciding not to comment on her stomach's confirmation of his earlier comment. "It's not much."

He moved around to the other side of the bed and picked up James as he settled against her headboard. Neither of them knew what to say. Spencer concentrated on her food, making sure her mouth was never empty. A good excuse not to talk. He had started it anyways, he should talk first.

Caleb was playing with James fingers absentmindedly. Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I brought that whole Toby thing up. I was out of line." He was looking down at James as he spoke.

Spencer looked over at him. She still didn't know what to say. She and Caleb had never really fought before. Even when she found out about that kiss with Hanna, there had been no yelling, no arguing. But now…everything was so different.

"I just…there was this look on your face. And I thought about all the history you have with Toby and how it probably would make sense if you wanted to be with him again. But I just found out about James. I got jealous that I wouldn't get a chance for him to know me as his dad before there was this other father-figure in his life. I know it's crazy. And you're right, I haven't been a parent all that long. I probably shouldn't have gotten so upset. I definitely could have handled that better." Caleb was quiet, still avoiding Spencer's gaze.

Spencer put her now empty plate back on the nightstand and toyed with her hands, realizing how immature she was being. She thought over Caleb's explanation. She may not have started the fight but she realized her part in it.

"Caleb that fight was as much my fault as yours. I should never had made the comment about how long you've been a father. That was low. And you were right, it's my fault you weren't there. The truth is, _everything_ you feel becomes a hundred times more intense and complicated when you have a kid. No matter if you've been a parent for five minutes or five years. And it's not like I've really been doing this for that much longer than you anyways." She finally looked at him and offered an apologetic smile. She was relieved when he smiled back.

"Ok. But just so you know, it is _not your fault_ that I wasn't there. I told you, I get it. There's nothing to forgive you for. I promise I won't throw that back at you again. So…friends?" Her breath caught at his words. Friends. She remembered their time in Spain and then in DC, how good it really did feel to have him as her friend. She had buried her feelings for him once. She could do it again. Hoping her smile reached her eyes she looked at him again.

"Yes. Friends."

* * *

The rest of the day was taken up by domestic duties that need to be done when a baby is around. Cleaning, laundry, feeding, changing, playing, cooking, all things that Spencer had once thought extremely dull. Now she found she actually enjoyed it all. No one was more surprised than her by that realization. Caleb had pulled out his laptop to do some work. That did surprise her. They hadn't talked about jobs or careers yet. While she was away he had gotten a job with the federal government. Due to the nature of the work and who he worked for, most of it was confidential. But he was some type of remote consultant, which meant he could work from anywhere and any time he wished to.

She hadn't thought about work in ages. Right now she was happy with James. It was kind of funny; all those years of studying and pushing herself to be the best at everything, and this is where she was now. She had enjoyed working in DC and helping with her mom's campaign. But she _thrived_ taking care of James. Maybe one day she'd go back to work, but for now she was where she needed to be.

Veronica had come home and the three adults had shared a pleasant dinner together. Spencer was now outside, heading for the barn, leaving James inside with Caleb and Veronica to her work. She pushed open the door and entered the living room, memories flooding back. Decorating it before junior year, sleepovers with the girls, that awful fake prom. And sharing it with Caleb. Not just going to bed together but waking up next to him, him bringing her cups of coffee, making sure she ate. Coming home to see him after a long day. She missed that feeling the most: him taking care of her. She had spent so much time protecting others it felt so good having someone protect her. Even if it was something simple like seeing to her protein needs.

She sighed and pushed the memories aside. Part of the reason she had been so successful in school was her ability to compartmentalize and focus. Sometimes if felt like pregnancy and becoming a mother had wrecked that part of her. But she had to resist, she had to be iron. She forced those memories into a box in her mind and locked it. She couldn't go there. She had plans for the barn, but she'd need to discuss it with her mother first, and then Caleb. Hopefully they'd all agree.

She walked around the room, trailing a finger on the fireplace mantle and frowning at the amount of dust that had collected. She started making a mental list of things that needed to be done. Everything needed a good cleaning. The couch had mercifully been covered, so that was in decent shape. One of the window panes in the kitchen was cracked. The mattress in the bedroom would likely need to be replaced, it hadn't been used in nearly a year and smelled musty. In all it wouldn't be too big of a job. She just had to see if everyone else would be on board.

* * *

Spencer entered the kitchen and saw Caleb playing with James on the floor. She smiled and was again so grateful that Caleb hadn't been angry at her over the whole situation. She was glad he getting time with James now.

"Do you know where my mom is?"

"I think she's in the office." He quickly glanced up at her to respond before returning his focus back to the baby.

Spencer headed to her mom's office and quietly knocked, not waiting for her mom to answer before she opened the door. "Hey Mom, you got a minute to talk?"

Veronica looked up from her desk, and removed her reading glasses from her nose. "Of course, what is it?"

"The barn. I was just wondering if it would be ok if Caleb were to move in there."

Veronica hesitated. She hadn't heard her daughter's reasoning, but knowing Spencer she had already put a lot of thought into it. "Can I ask why? To be honest I would have thought you might want to move in there with James."

Spencer nodded. She had been prepared for this. "That was my original idea too. But I was thinking it might make more sense for me to stay in my room and convert Melissa's old room into a nursery. Caleb doesn't have a place yet, and we're trying to figure out how to be parents together, so I thought him being in the barn might be more ideal. He would have his own space, but would be close to James."

Veronica nodded in understanding. Everything Spencer said made sense. There was just one thing she was concerned about.

"And how would you feel, having him live here?"

Spencer sighed. "Honestly? It might make things a little hard at first. But I think it's more important for him and I to be friends and for him to be here for James, regardless how I feel. Especially since I'm still nursing, it's not like Caleb could have him that much if he's not living here. Most parents get to figure out things living under the same roof; since we're not together I figure this would be the best alternative."

"Well it sounds like you've thought this out and I trust your decision. All of that is fine with me. I just ask that you be careful; you do have your own heart to protect. Have you talked to Caleb about any of this?"

Spencer shook her head. "No, I wanted to see if you were ok with this first. It's your home, I didn't want to assume anything."

"I appreciate that. But this is your home too, don't forget that. I'm happy to help you and James in any way I can. And I trust Caleb." Veronica had stood and put an arm around Spencer, giving her a slight squeeze of affection. Spencer smiled; maybe she should have had a baby a long time ago. Things had never been so good between the two of them.

"Thanks Mom. I'll go ask him, hopefully he'll agree to all this."

Veronica just nodded and went back to her work as Spencer left the room. If the way she had seen Caleb look at her daughter or the way he was with James was any indication, he wasn't going to turn this down.

* * *

Spencer returned to the living room and sat down on the couch, while Caleb stayed on the floor with James.

"Can we talk about something?"

Caleb looked up, an eyebrow raised at Spencer's question. Just then James starting crying, apparently hungry. Caleb calmly picked up his son and the blanket that was laying beside him and passed both to Spencer. Once she was situated and James was eating, Caleb sat down on the other side of the couch and caught Spencer smiling at him. "What's that smile for?"

She shook her head slightly, still smiling. "I'm just impressed. You found out last night you were a dad and you already are completely unfazed by him screaming for his dinner. Emily looks like she's gonna have an aneurysm every time he cries." She laughed lightly, remembering the swimmer running into Hanna's apartment with a furious James in her hands.

Caleb just looked at her and shrugged, secretly proud of Spencer's approval. "I don't know how to explain it. It just doesn't bother me that much. And I know it's only been a day, but I already feel so attached to him, I already feel like a dad. Is that weird?" Caleb looked at Spencer, his eyebrows knit together.

"No, I don't think that's weird. I think it's the most wonderful thing ever. I'm just jealous, I was completely unhinged by his screaming at first." Caleb chuckled at the embarrassment on her face. "And I know what you mean, I was completely in love with him when I set eyes on him. I felt like his mother instantly."

Spencer swallowed, not sure if she should say what she wanted to. She decided to just do it, she knew what it would mean to Caleb. "I have to admit, when I found out I was pregnant, one of my first thoughts was how grateful I was that it was with you. I knew you'd be a great father." Spencer looked down, blushing at her confession. She hoped she hadn't made him uncomfortable.

He wasn't uncomfortable, but he didn't really know how to respond. So he cleared his throat and decided to change the topic. "You had something you wanted to talk about? From earlier?"

Relieved he had remembered, Spencer brushed off the earlier moment and thought about her conversation with her mother. "I was thinking about your living situation. Have you looked for a place to live in Rosewood already? I mean, I'm not sure you if you wanted to go back to DC, and I know I hadn't really talked about it, but I'm not really going anywhere for the time being, and I assumed you were going to be staying but you hadn't said anything about staying…"

Caleb loved when she rambled. She was rarely flustered, so when it did happen he always took secret enjoyment in it. But he was a little concerned with where this topic was going. "I hadn't planned on going anywhere with you and James here. I told you, I'm not interested in being a part-time dad. And no, I hadn't thought about where I was going to live yet. I just got here last night, do you…do you want me to go?" Caleb was nervous, did she really want him out already?

Spencer's eyes widened as she realized how Caleb interpreted her question. "No! Of course not. I want you to be close to James. I was going to ask if you'd want to live in the barn. I talked it over with my mom, she's ok with it. It needs cleaned, and maybe a couple minor repairs, but it shouldn't take too long."

Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, that would actually be pretty perfect. But wouldn't you be more comfortable moving in there with James?"

"I had thought about it, but it only has one bedroom and he should really be in his own as he gets older. I thought it'd be better to stay in my old room and convert Melissa's room into a nursery."

Caleb smiled. Of course she had already thought of everything. James had finished eating so Spencer automatically passed him to Caleb to be burped. One day together and they were already forming habits. They spent the rest of the evening discussing plans and making lists for everything that would need to be done over the next few weeks to get everyone settled in.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey everyone! As per usual, thank you for your reviews! This chapter has a little bit of filler, I'll be honest. There's also a bit of time jump, I felt like there was so much to write about with Spencer coming back that I needed to fast forward some. And do not worry, Spaleb is _definitely_ endgame! Though there is a little bit of drama introduced a the end of this chapter :)

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

Time flew by over the next few weeks. Spencer loved having a project again as she worked on James' nursery and getting the barn ready for Caleb. They made trips to Philly for furniture and anything else they needed. Their plans fell through on their first trip when they realized neither of them had a car. Caleb only had a motorcycle and Spencer hadn't had a car since she left for Arizona. They laughed at themselves, slightly embarrassed that two educated people hadn't thought of something as simple as a vehicle to transport their son in. So they added car shopping to their list, as well as getting a cell phone for Spencer. It infuriated Caleb to no end that he couldn't reach her when she was out with James. She hadn't had a phone in nearly a year, so it wasn't something she had thought to get right away.

They also dealt with other parental duties, like finding a paediatrician for James. That had been awful. Spencer wasn't satisfied with anyone they met with. Finally they had found someone, but it had caused Caleb so much frustration when she had grilled perfectly fine doctors on where they went to med school and what kind of grades they had received. But he knew she did it out of love for James, so he had bit his tongue and waited until they found someone she was comfortable with.

They bought vehicles, cell phones, got Caleb settled in the barn, and James in his nursery. Spencer cried the first night he slept in there. Caleb had stayed with her. They bought top of the line baby monitors for her room, downstairs, and the barn. Caleb had wanted to set up a sophisticated video monitoring system, but Spencer adamantly refused. They had fought over it, but Caleb had been quick to concede when she admitted the reason she didn't want video monitoring was because it brought up memories of the dollhouse. He could have kicked himself for not thinking of that. Sometimes everything that happened with A felt like a lifetime ago.

That was another thing they did a lot of though. Fight. Not terrible fights, but stupid bickering sessions. They fought while putting together James' crib. They fought over which kind of diapers they should use. They fought over which playmat James would like better (Caleb had won that one due to an unfair argument that he was a guy therefore would know better what boys would like). They had even fought over James' name. One morning Caleb had called James 'Jamie'. For some reason Spencer insisted he should only be called James, since she had read somewhere that nicknames diminished a child's ego, or something ridiculous like that. Caleb reminded her that all the girls called each other by nicknames and none of them felt diminished. Caleb had teased her mercilessly when he caught her using the nickname one day. In the end they realized it was a dumb thing to fight over, and was another reminder that they were both James' parents and learning to share control was not easy. They were slowly realizing that parenting really did bring out the best and worst in each other.

But there had definitely been good moments too, which far outweighed the bad. James was growing, getting fatter, and developing his own personality. Spencer had started doing tummy time with him, which he hated more than being hungry. Both parents agreed to keep at it with him though and eventually James didn't cry as much. He started playing more and making more sounds. To both Spencer and Caleb's delight he even rolled over for the first time in front of both of them. He had only done it once, and they were sure he had done it by accident, but they were immensely proud of the four-month-old.

They had settle into an easy routine. Breakfast was usually eaten together after James had been fed. Caleb would go back to the barn to work, Spencer would catch up on household tasks. They would both take James for a walk sometime in the afternoon, returning to cook dinner together. Sometimes Veronica was able to join them if she wasn't in meetings. The evenings were quiet, Caleb usually played with James while Spencer read. It had felt like forever since she had read for pleasure. Usually it had been studying or extra credit. She was voraciously reading anything she could get her hands on these days, excited to exercise her brain. And as far as how she felt about Caleb, she felt good about that too. They were friends, friends who were raising a baby, and she felt like she had done a satisfactory job of tucking her feelings aside.

* * *

As James hit five months Spencer started to grow a bit more restless. She wasn't bored per se, she loved their life. She and Caleb had stopped bickering so much as they had developed habits and routine. But she realized she missed having something to do. She missed people. It was with a twinge of guilt that she realized she had only seen Emily a couple times since New York. She had only been texting with Hanna and Aria, even though they had tried face timing her but it always seemed to be at an inconvenient time. Spencer knew that her first priority was James, but she missed her friends. So one night she decided to broach the subject with Caleb.

"Caleb are you busy this Saturday?" He was sitting at the kitchen island, working on his lap top. She was on the couch with a book, James beside her on his playmat, squirming and grabbing the brightly coloured animals hanging down.

Caleb looked at her, and briefly thought about the weekend. "No I don't think so. What's up?"

"I was thinking about calling Emily to see if she wanted to make a trip to New York with me to see Hanna and Aria. We haven't been together since I got back and I have to admit it'd be nice to get away for a bit."

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Were you wanting to take Jamie with you?" Caleb had started referring to his son by his nickname only now. He didn't look upset by the thought of Spencer taking him, just curious.

"Actually, if you'd be comfortable with the idea, I was thinking of leaving him here. It'd be nice to just be with the girls and not worry about being a mom for a day." She smiled slightly, feeling a little guilty about her confession.

He nodded. "I think that's a great idea Spence. And if you're comfortable with it, I think you should go for the whole weekend. You can drive up Saturday morning and come back Sunday. Jamie and I could have our own sleepover." He smiled as he thought about a whole weekend with his son.

Spencer hesitated. She hadn't ever been away from James for more than a few hours. She thought she had been brave suggesting a whole day away. The idea filled her with terror. But the more she thought about it, she couldn't deny that an old-school sleepover with the girls sounded amazing. She slowly nodded her acceptance. "Ok, I'll talk to the girls, if they're up for a whole weekend, I'll do it."

Caleb grinned widely, excited about the upcoming weekend. He knew it would be good for both of them. Spencer's heart flipped a little at his reaction, but it was nothing that didn't happen on a daily basis and she had gotten used to it. She pulled her phone out and contacted the girls, who jumped at the idea, and soon everything was arranged.

* * *

That Friday Spencer was doing some laundry to prepare for the weekend - she still didn't have very much to choose from in the wardrobe department - and was carrying a basket of clean towels into the barn. Both her and Caleb freely moved between the house and the barn, so she never felt the need to knock. She flashed a smile at Caleb who was working on the couch. James was in his nursery napping, they would hear him through the monitors if he woke up. She put away the towels in the linen closet and meant to leave quietly (she didn't like disturbing Caleb while he was working, she hated when people interrupted her), but on her way out the laundry basket knocked a stack of books off one of the end tables next to the couch. Caleb look up suddenly as she bent down to pick them up.

Confusion crossed her face first as she looked at the titles, then she smiled. They were books on parenting and early childhood development. All of them had multiple page markers in them and she spied highlighting in them too as she flipped through them. She hadn't realized he was doing research. It shouldn't have surprised her, they were similar in a lot of ways. Then one title caught her eye and she started to laugh and held it up.

" 'What To Expect While You're Expecting'? Caleb is there something you want to tell me?" Her eyes danced with mirth at her discovery.

Caleb's face reddened with embarrassment. "No, I just decided to check it out. I wasn't there for you while you were pregnant and I wanted to know what you had been through." He looked down at his laptop, avoiding her eyes.

The laughter in Spencer died down and instead those stupid locked up feelings sprang out and she wasn't sure if there was another time she had loved him more. Why did he have to be _so_ sweet and kind to her? It wasn't fair. Before he looked up again, she steeled her eyes and tried to force those feelings back into their box. She was going to need a bigger box soon.

"Caleb, I…" She didn't know what to say. She sat down on the couch next to him. "That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me." She looked down at her hands, still clutching the book.

He looked over at her and took one of her hands in his own. If he noticed the slight hitch in her breath when he touched her, he ignored it. "You haven't really talked about it. I've read some stuff, but what was it actually like for you?"

Spencer sighed, her eyebrows knit together. She thought for a moment and collected her thoughts. What _was_ it like? It felt so long ago already. Finally she spoke.

"I don't think it was so different from most women. I haven't really talked about it because I don't see the point. I have a healthy baby, who cares if the pregnancy was easy or not?" She shrugged matter-of-factly. "Besides, I don't like talking about Arizona in general. I don't want to remind you of what you missed and I feel like if I bring it up it's like I'm somehow excluding you."

Caleb nodded, appreciating her thoughts. When he first found out, he probably would have felt that way. But now he was genuinely curious. "Well you're not bringing it up, I am. Did you get really fat?" He smirked at her. She had always been so thin, the thought of seeing her bloated was a bit funny.

She laughed. "Sorry to disappoint, but I looked the exact same, only as if I swallowed a basketball. It was so weird. It was hard to get used to my stomach sticking out like that. I luckily also didn't get terribly bloated towards the end either like some women. I think it's because I'm young and was fairly active before and during pregnancy."

"What about cravings? Is it really true pregnant women eat pickles and ice cream?" He was smiling, knowing it likely wasn't.

"Again, complete myth. I didn't really have cravings, at least nothing really comes to mind. It was more phases. In the first trimester I couldn't handle the smell of meat. Any kind, cooked or raw. It made me sick to my stomach. Then in the second trimester I couldn't get enough protein and ate meat like I was a caveman. For a few weeks in my third trimester I would go through pounds of fruit every day, I couldn't get enough." Spencer smiled, remembering the look the checkout girl used to giver her at the market when Spencer would waddle over every day and purchase inordinate amounts of fruit.

"And the delivery? Was it awful?" His face had worry all over it, and he started tracing little circles on Spencer's hand, as if preemptively comforting her.

She shook her head, trying not to think about how Caleb's thumb was lighting little trails of fire on her skin as it moved. "I think I mentally prepared myself for an awful experience but it really wasn't. Again, I'm young and was in good health for my whole pregnancy. Sometimes that makes things easier. So labour was only a few hours and thankfully he didn't take too much effort to push out. I actually gave birth in my apartment." She smirked as she knew that would surprise him.

His eyebrows nearly reached his hairline. Surprise him it did. He never thought Spencer would be the type to risk a home delivery. He waited for further explanation. "It was kind of by accident, but it was for the best. When I was in my third trimester, I met a woman who lived in my building who happened to be a midwife. She started coming over every day to check on my as I got close to my due date, she didn't like that I had no phone and would have to take a cab to the hospital. When labour started I thought it was just bad cramps or indigestion. Marta, that's the midwife, was coming over for supper, so I thought I'd ask her when she had got there. " Spencer smiled gratefully as she remembered everything the woman did for her.

"By the time she came over I had started having contractions that made me double over in pain, and I was embarrassed because now I really knew what was happening. I read the books too." She smirked at Caleb, remembering how this whole conversation started. "She immediately marched me to the bedroom and checked to see if I was dilated. Talk about a bonding experience between friends. I was already at eight centimetres, there was no way I was going to make it to the hospital. She had brought her medical bag, a habit for her thankfully, and then we just did what women have been doing for centuries - we delivered a baby. She was so amazing. She didn't make me give birth on my back, like they do in the hospital. I tried that at first because I thought it was normal, but it was absolutely awful. She showed me a couple different positions, and I ended up delivering James on my knees. I even caught him myself." Her smile threatened to crack her face it was so wide and proud. Caleb looked at her with awe. Never in a million years would he picture Spencer Hastings delivering her own child. Then he realized if anyone would, it would be her.

"After that we went to the hospital and both James and I were given a clean bill of health. Marta wouldn't let me pay her a dime and the hospital visit wasn't terribly expensive either, since we didn't even have to stay the night. So it really all worked out for the best."

They were quiet for a moment, as Spencer remembered that day and Caleb thought over her experience. "I'm really glad you had her. Do you keep in contact?"

"A bit. I wrote her a letter when I got home, letting her know I was safe and that everyone had accepted me and James without any issues. I've sent her some pictures too, I know she misses him. She was like a grandmother to him, she cried when we left. We both did." Spencer looked down as she played with a loose thread on her pants with her free hand. A tear escaped as she thought about the other woman and all she had done for Spencer and James. Spencer wasn't sure what would have happened if it hadn't been for Marta.

Caleb gently squeezed her hand and Spencer looked at him. "Well maybe once James is a bit older we should take a trip out there to visit her. I know I'd like to meet her and thank her for everything." He smiled gently at her as she let out a breath of appreciation.

"Oh Caleb what would be wonderful. She'd love that. I would too."

It was quiet again as they sat there, looking into each others eyes, Caleb's right hand still holding onto Spencer's left, tracing those fiery circles. Without thinking he reached up with his other hand and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. This time he caught the hitch in her breath, the look in her eyes. And suddenly he was transported to _that night_ , when they had sat exactly like this, hands intertwined, when they had let themselves feel all those things for each other that they had to deny for so long. He remembered flashes of skin, her arching back as he placed slow kisses on her breasts, the way she had moaned his name. Caleb leaned forward slightly, noticing her eyes growing wide and dark, but she didn't move away. His eyes darted down as she licked her lips. A few inches and his lips would be on hers. He knew how it would feel. He knew it would be good. _So_ good. He wanted to feel that good again.

But then cries from the baby monitor snapped them both out of their moment. Spencer sprang up from the couch like shrapnel. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or frustrated by their son's interruption. She grabbed the laundry basket and rushed over to the door.

"I better go, he's probably hungry. Um, dinner should be ready in an hour." She didn't look at him as she left the barn.

Caleb remained glued to his spot on the couch. He ran a hand through his hair. What had just happened?

* * *

Dinner had been awkward. Caleb and Spencer avoided eye contact with each other, neither willing to acknowledge the moment in the barn. Veronica found herself trying to make conversation with people who didn't seem to want to talk. She knew something must have happened between them. She was wise enough not to investigate, and instead kept things light, asking Spencer questions about her impending trip. Her daughter wasn't particularly chatty but she talked enough. All three of them were glad when they finished their meal. Veronica headed to her office. Spencer stood and started collecting the plates. James was on his playmat on the floor of the family room, he wouldn't need to eat until later.

"Can I help you clean up?" Caleb's soft voice sounded behind her.

She shook her head without turning to look at him. "No, it's ok. I've got it."

Caleb stood and moved into the family room and joined James on the floor while Spencer cleaned up the kitchen in record time.

"Do you mind watching him? I haven't packed yet for tomorrow."

Caleb looked up at her. She was looking at something else in the room. "Sure. Let me know if you need anything." They briefly made eye contact before Spencer went upstairs.

* * *

Spencer practically sprinted up the stairs to her room. She had no idea how to be in the same room as him right now. It was with a sigh of relief that she reached her room. Her suitcase was already on the bed. While it was true she hadn't packed yet, it had also been an excuse. She still had hardly any clothes that were fit for anything besides being at home, packing would probably take less than ten minutes. She sat down on her red chair, absentmindedly running a hand on one of the arms. Tracing little circles like Caleb had done on her hand. She purposely hadn't thought about it until now. What almost happened.

What _did_ almost happen? She had seen the look in Caleb's eyes, the way he leaned forward. She knew he wanted to kiss her. But then what? Would they have been able to stop at kissing? And did this mean he had feelings for her again? Up until now he had only talked in terms of friendship. She wasn't sure if that was on purpose or because he genuinely wasn't in love with her anymore. Was it just being in the barn again, together? Was it hearing the story of Jamie's birth? So many reasons and explanations were spinning in her head. It gave her a headache.

She stood up and started placing clothes into her suitcase. Whatever the reason, whatever had almost happened, all she knew was that it couldn't happen again. Things were going so well between them, they couldn't risk it. Caleb had probably been caught up in the moment. They both were. He couldn't have feelings for her like that again. There had been no signs, no indicators. No, she had to be strong. Steel. Iron.

* * *

Caleb lay on his side beside James, letting the infant grip one of his fingers. Normally he would be talking to his son, playing with him, making him smile and laugh. But right now he felt like he was trapped in his own mind, thinking about Spencer, the barn, his lips nearly being on Spencer's. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to do that. To almost do that. If it hadn't been for James, Caleb would have. And once he had her lips again, he knew he'd need more. She was magnetic. He probably would have demanded more, demanded anything she was willing to give him.

Was she willing to give him anything? He saw that look in her eyes. She hadn't moved away from him, he was certain she wanted it as much as he did. And if he was honest, he noticed that look in her eyes on more than one occasion. He hadn't been able to name it, but now he recognized it. Lust. Love. Maybe somewhere in the middle? But after all this time, after what he did, was it possible? He had gone back to Hanna so quickly, there's no way Spencer would have been able to forget that, let alone still be in love with him.

He sighed as he looked down at James, whose eyes were seriously studying Caleb's face. He smiled down at the boy, remembering why he was here. Even if there was still something between him and Spencer, it probably wasn't wise to act on it right now. They were still new parents. There was no reason to complicate things right now. He just hoped he'd be strong enough to stick to his decision.

* * *

Spencer woke up and smiled as she remembered her dream. Caleb's dark eyes looking into hers, that moment before a kiss, the anticipation. She frowned as she thought of being interrupted by a screaming child. Of course it had been ruined. Then she sat up abruptly in bed; it wasn't a dream. Her and Caleb had almost kissed.

She saw her suitcase on the floor and thought about her trip to New York this weekend. She'd have to think about the "almost-kiss" later. She had to get ready before James was up. She quickly showered, did her makeup, and threw on her usual skinny jeans/t-shirt combo. She frowned as she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed wistfully. She used to wear nice clothes. Her hair had definitely looked better than the long, slightly wavy, shaggy cut she now sported. She thought of the time she used to spend on her appearance. She'd never get away with that now, not with a baby around. Besides, she'd much rather spend thirty minutes with her son than doing her hair.

Still, some new clothes might be nice. It had been awhile since she had been shopping. Maybe Hanna could take her this weekend. She rolled her eyes and smiled. If she knew Hanna at all, the girl probably had a list of stores she planned to take her to.

Spencer walked over to the nursery, as she had heard sounds of her young son waking up. "Good morning sweet boy! Did you have a good sleep?" She smiled widely at him as he gave her a smile to match. She picked him up and changed him, then carried him over to the rocking chair to feed him. His hunger tantrums had lessened considerably over the last couple months so even though he wasn't crying yet she knew he'd still eat. She quietly talked and sang to him and gave him some extra snuggles. She knew she was going to miss this while she was away, even if it was only going to be a little over twenty-four hours.

She carried James downstairs to find Caleb making breakfast in the kitchen. It wasn't that unusual of an occurrence, but Spencer was a little surprised, given that things were still awkward between them. She placed James on his playmat and pulled a stool from the island to sit down.

"Thanks, this looks great." She said quietly.

He shrugged slightly at her. "I just wanted to make sure you had a good meal before you hit the road."

She looked at him appreciatively as she began to eat. Shortly after finishing, she collected her suitcase and purse and stood near the door, not yet ready to leave. She was filled with uncertainty as she looked at James, who sitting contentedly on Caleb's hip as they prepared to say goodbye.

"All the milk I pumped is in the fridge, you just need to run it under hot water to warm it up before you give it to him. It should be enough, but if it's not you'll have to supplement with the formula. It's one scoop for every six ounces of water, but he may need eight ounces during the day feedings. If he doesn't finish it all, just dump it and use new stuff for the next feeding. Not the breast milk though, that can be put in the fridge for later. Oh and he's been favouring his stuffed elephant at night, the tiger is out. I think he's teething, so he might be extra fussy. Just keep the amber necklace on him, it seems to be helping. You can leave it on at night, though I'd prefer if you didn't. If he seems fussy at night, don't go in right away, but if he's screaming, then obviously you need to, and—"

"Spencer." She looked at him as he interrupted. He had a comforting look on his face. She sighed with relief that there was no teasing look in his eyes. He knew this was hard for her. "We'll be ok. You'll only be a text or phone call away. I'll let you know if we need anything."

She nodded, tears springing to her eyes. Why was this so hard? Suddenly Caleb wrapped his free arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder as she looked at her son who was babbling some nonsense words. Their near-kiss in the barn was forgotten for the moment; right now it was just one parent comforting another.

Once she had composed herself she pulled away from Caleb's embrace, a look of appreciation in her eyes.

"Ok, I really need to go. Bye baby, Mama loves you so much. Be good for Daddy. Don't do too many amazing things until I get back." She leaned over and put a hand on one side of James' face and placed a long kiss on the other. She walked to her car and was soon driving away to pick up Emily, waving at the two in the doorway.

* * *

Spencer had just picked up Emily and since they were slightly ahead of schedule, they decided to stop at the Brew for a coffee. Since Spencer was pumping-and-dumping, she thought she'd treat herself to some caffeine and alcohol this weekend.

The girls had just gotten their coffees and were heading out of the shop when Toby walked in, another man beside him that neither girl recognized. The three friends smiled at each other and exchanged warm greetings while the other man stood there quietly. It crossed Spencer's mind how different this run in was compared to the one her and Toby had when she came back.

After a couple minutes she couldn't help but eye the other man discreetly. It had been awhile since she noticed anyone. He was definitely easy on the eyes. Then Toby seemed to realize he hadn't made introductions.

"Sorry girls, this is the new detective at Rosewood PD, Marco Furey. Marco, these are some friends of mind, Emily Fields and Spencer Hastings."

Marco held out his hand and shook each girl's hand. Spencer could have sworn his hand lingered an extra beat or two on hers.

"Nice to meet you Emily...Spencer." His eyes had a spark in them as he turned his attention to the brunette. "That's kind of an unusual name. For a girl I mean."

Spencer shrugged. "Well maybe I'm an unusual girl." Ugh, she couldn't have come up with a lamer reply if she tried. What was she, back in high school again? She used to be much better at flirting. Wait, _was_ she flirting? Why was she flirting?

Marco smiled, his eyes crinkling up. "Something tells me that 'unusual' wouldn't be the word that best describes you."

She blushed slightly. What was wrong with her? "I don't know, I there's probably a few people that think 'unusual' is the perfect word to describe me. Anyways, we really should be going. We have a long drive ahead of us."

Marco nodded. "Well maybe I'll see you around again."

She shrugged. "It's a small town. Stranger things have happened. See you later Toby, it was good to run into you."

"Yeah you too Spence. See you Em." Emily returned his goodbye and the girls exited the shop and climbed back into the car to get on their way.

No sooner had they buckled their seat belts did Emily start grilling Spencer. "So you want to tell me what that was all about?" She raised an eyebrow up at Spencer.

Spencer didn't even look at Emily, she could feel a slight blush creep up her neck and onto her cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Oh please Spence. Toby and I might as well have been invisible. So are you going to see him again?"

Spencer sighed. She couldn't deny that she had felt something when she was speaking with Marco. It confused her. Her feelings with Caleb were still there, so why did she feel like that around Marco? Maybe she was just getting tired of having to put her feelings for Caleb aside. Maybe if felt good to flirt, to have a man look at her like that. It had been so long since she felt like that. "I don't know. Like I said, it's a small town, I'll probably see him around. Emily I really don't want to talk about this, ok?"

Emily looked at her friend. She could see that Spencer was obviously confused about something, so she decided to drop her teasing and change the topic. If Spencer wanted to talk she'd be there, but she wouldn't force the girl. The two relaxed back into easier conversation, the whole Marco situation dropped for now. Before they knew it they were arriving in New York, and both girls couldn't wait for their second reunion to start.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi again! Thank you to those that said you loved Chapter 6 - I wasn't sure about it, but I reread it and realized how different it was from what I originally had (it may have been edited about a dozen times). So yeah, not as much filler as I thought. Yay me! :P And again, thanks for your reviews. You have no idea how excited I am when I get one :)

Sorry if you don't like Marco. He doesn't make an appearance in this chapter, but he does have a bit of a role to play in the next. Just warning you!

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars.

* * *

The girls' arrival in New York was much different this time. While Spencer was already missing James, the idea of some time away with her friends had energized her. She and Emily practically raced up the stairs to Hanna and Aria's apartment, who had swung the door open wide as the other two were coming up the last flight. All four exchanged hugs with each other, excited to be together again.

As the girls all talked over one another, Hanna clapped her hands as if calling order at a meeting. The other three quieted down and looked at her, laughter in their eyes.

"Ok, we didn't get to do anything last time you guys were here so Aria and I have a full day planned. I expect you two to keep up." She raised an eyebrow at Spencer and Emily. They smirked at their friend's seriousness, as Aria just rolled her eyes. "And since we have a lot to do, Spencer you're going to show us the 10 cutest pictures of James you have right now so that you're not pulling out your phone every two minutes today to show us another one."

"Hey, I don't do that!" Spencer argued. She pulled out her phone anyways.

"I'm just trying to stay ahead of the clock here Spence. Now come on, let's get it over with." Hanna may have sounded like she didn't want to see the pictures, but she was actually excited to see them. She had had time to accept that Caleb and Spencer had a baby. She had moved on and she wanted to be happy for her friend.

The three girls properly oohed and ahhed over the pictures, as Spencer proudly showed them her son's latest milestones. The last picture was probably her favourite though. It was a selfie she had taken in the park of her, James and Caleb. They looked like a regular family and it was just a flattering photo of all three of them. Hanna had noticed something about the picture too, but she chose not to say anything that moment. They had _shopping_ to do.

* * *

For the next two hours the girls followed the whirlwind that was Hanna Marin. They quickly learned what she meant about keeping up with her. While she had never played sports, she definitely got her cardio flitting from store to store, piling massive amounts of clothes in her arms for the girls to try on. This was her happy place.

They found themselves in yet another store after lunch. (Spencer had begged to stop and eat, while Hanna hadn't even thought about food. She didn't want to slow down, but she really didn't want to deal with Hungry Spencer, so they compromised and grabbed a bite from a food truck.) Hanna had noticed that Spencer had bought next to nothing, only one boring top. Hanna decided an intervention was in order. Aria and Emily were off in another part of the shop so Hanna grabbed Spencer's hand and pulled her away from the rack of athletic clothes she was looking at.

"No Spence. You did not come to New York to buy yoga pants." Hanna's was frowning, her tone firm.

"Well to be fair, I came to New York to see you guys, not buy clothes." Spencer smirked back.

Hanna just shook her head. "I don't care what you came here for. We've been in a ton of stores and all you look at are sweats and t-shirts. You're in a rut. But luckily for you, I can help." Hanna grinned at the brunette.

"Han, it's fine. I don't really need anything. Besides, I'm a mom now. It's not like it's practical for me to be pushing a stroller in stilettos and pantsuits anymore."

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Who said anything about stilettos and pantsuits? Spencer you're a young, hot mom, not a fifty-year-old divorcee. If I see another Instagram of James where you're wearing yoga pants and a hoodie, I will unfollow you. It's time to break up with the workout clothes and embrace the world of fashion again. You don't even do yoga."

Spencer sighed. She knew Hanna was right. She had even anticipated this happening. It was still hard though. She felt guilty at the idea of spending money on herself. "Alright Hanna, I'll let you dress me. But the clothes still have to be practical. James will be crawling and walking in a few months, I need to be able to keep up with him."

Hanna fought the urge to roll her eyes again. "Spence, I work in fashion. I know what I'm doing, now trust me. And keep up." She flashed a slightly evil smile at the taller girl.

* * *

They were in their eighth store since Hanna's little "intervention" for Spencer's wardrobe. When Emily and Aria found out what their friend was doing they joined in too. It was a good thing, both Hanna and Spencer had strong personalities and differing taste, not to mention both were completely stubborn. On more than one occasion Aria and Emily had had to intervene before things got too heated.

Spencer insisted this was the last store they'd be visiting. She felt like she had enough new clothes and shoes for the next five years and felt like they needed to do something besides shop. She had even been talked into new underwear when Hanna had gotten a look at her current nursing bra. (She put her foot down when Hanna attempted to sneak in some lingerie though. No way did she need that despite Hanna's arguments.) Hanna had agreed, satisfied with the job she had done that day. As Spencer was getting ready to put her own clothes back on, she heard a brief knock on the door as it swung open.

"Hanna!" Spencer grabbed a shirt and held it up to her. Hanna just waved at her dismissively. "Whatever Spence, it's nothing I haven't seen before." Spencer still didn't lower the shirt. Ever since having James she was more self-conscious about her body.

"Here, you _need_ to try this on. I promise it's the last thing. I just saw it and I know it's going to be perfect on you." Hanna thrust the garment at Spencer.

It was a gorgeous long-sleeved forest green sheath dress that hit just above the knee, a wide neckline, and a gold belt around the waist. It was just the sort of thing that Spencer would have worn before James. She shook her head at the blonde.

"No way, that's completely impractical. When am I going to ever wear that? While doing the dishes?"

Hanna rolled her eyes. After today she thought they would be permanently stuck in the back of her head. "Oh come on Spencer. Have you ever heard of a _date_?"

"Right, because I'm going on tons of dates right now. Guys love single mothers." Spencer scoffed.

"Look, just do me a favour and try it on. Please? I promise then we can go and do educational touristy crap to your heart's content."

"Fine. Now get out so I can change." Spencer grabbed the dress from Hanna's hands and practically pushed the blonde out of the change room. She quickly stepped into it and looked at herself in the mirror. It _was_ a nice dress. She opened the door for Hanna to see it.

"Ok, you _have_ to get that. I am not letting you leave the city without it, even if I have to buy it myself." Hanna looked at her friend who was admiring herself in the mirror. She knew the girl loved the dress as much as Hanna did.

"I don't know Han. I just don't think I'd ever have a chance to wear it." Spencer sighed and looked at herself wistfully.

"Trust me, something will come up and you will be thankful your extremely wise friend made you buy it. Heck wear it around the house, Caleb might appreciate that." She smirked at her friend.

"I don't need the dress for _that_." Spencer muttered under her breath. The words flew out before she even thought about it and she quickly looked down, hoping Hanna hadn't heard.

"Shit, did something happen between you two?" Hanna's voice dropped. Spencer didn't hear any jealousy or anger in her tone, but she definitely didn't want to talk about it right now. Thankfully Aria and Emily came over then, as they realized their friends were still at the change rooms.

"Spence, are you getting that dress? It's gorgeous on you!" Aria gushed. Emily agreed.

"Yes, she is." Hanna grinned triumphantly. Spencer breathed a sigh of relief that the girl wasn't going to press about her the earlier comment. "Now get dressed so we can go. We have things to do!"

* * *

After a late dinner after traipsing all over the city, the girls groaned as they finally got back to the apartment, exhausted from everything they did.

"Han, why on earth do you live on the seventh floor of a building that doesn't have a working elevator?" Emily grumbled angrily as she collapsed onto the couch.

Hanna shrugged. "It's New York. You take what you can get. Or what you can afford." Emily just grunted back at her, too tired to argue.

They girls gathered again in the living room, finally able to really talk and catch up for the first time that day. They had all changed and grown so much since high school. Even though they were bonded for life because of everything they went through with A, they felt like they were getting a chance to know each other as adults.

Of course some things never change. After they had had a chance to recuperate, Hanna suggested a game. The girls groaned as she came back with a bottle of vodka and four shot glasses.

"Come on, we're doing this. Truth or Dare. We said we were having an old-fashioned sleepover!"

"Ok, fine I'm in." Emily agreed and sat up closer to the coffee table as Hanna filled a glass and pushed it in her direction.

"Yeah, why not? I'm in too." Aria also agreed as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

The three girls looked at Spencer, who was sitting on the floor opposite Aria and Emily on the couch. Hanna was sitting on the armchair in between. "Come on Mommy, I thought you were pumping-and-dumping." Hanna grinned at Spencer.

Spencer sighed. "I suppose I don't have much of a choice." Hanna squealed with delight and pushed a shot glass in front of the reluctant brunette.

"Spencer you go first." Hanna suggested.

"Ok, fine. Hmm. Aria, truth or dare?" Spencer's looked at the short brunette on the couch.

"Hey, why me?" The girl argued. Spencer just shrugged. "Ugh fine. Truth." The petite girl tossed her shot back.

"Dated any authority figures lately?" Spencer grinned.

"Nope. I can safely say I've only gone out with people who _won't_ lose their jobs because of a relationship." Aria smirked proudly. "Ok, my turn. Emily, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Emily downed her shot. She figured Aria wouldn't give her anything too bad to do.

Aria hadn't expected a dare, so she thought about it for a moment. Then her eyes twinkled. "I dare you to give me a foot rub." Emily groaned as the other girls laughed. After the day they had it was actually the perfect thing to ask for. Aria kicked of her shoes and put her feet on Emily's lap. The tanned girl reluctantly began massaging the other girl's feet.

"Ok, Emily, you're turn." Hanna reminded the girl.

"Oh, right. Hanna, truth or dare?" Emily smirked at Hanna as if she already knew something.

"Truth." Hanna smiled, she never took dares anymore.

"Are _you_ seeing anyone in a position of authority?" Emily had a smug look on her face. She already knew the answer, but she knew the other girls had no idea. Aria and Spencer looked at Hanna with confusion as the blonde downed her shot.

"Damn you Emily." She sighed and looked down. "Maybe."

"What?" Aria jumped up in her seat, pulling her feet from Emily's lap and tucking them underneath her. "How do I not know about this? I _live_ with you!"

"Look, it's not… it's not anything yet. Maybe it is, I don't know. I just didn't want to say anything because I wasn't sure what we…ugh!" The blonde was frustrated. She didn't know how she was going to explain this. "Alright. Don't freak out or anything, but do you guys remember Detective Holbrook?"

Emily didn't say anything as she had already known what was up. Aria and Spencer looked at each other in confusion, then remembered who their friend was speaking of. It had been so long they had completely forgotten about him.

Spencer was the first to say something. "Seriously Hanna?! He arrested me for _murder_!"

"Look, I know it sounds weird. It was weird for me too. I clubbed him with a freaking tire iron the last time I saw him! That's why I didn't want to say anything. He's a detective with the NYPD now. His precinct is nearby. We ran into each other getting coffee one day. We started talking and then met a few more times for coffee. We've only been on a few dates. We haven't even slept together yet, it's not a big deal." Hanna looked down and picked at a spot on the armrest.

The girls were silent, not knowing what to say to Hanna's confession. Finally Aria spoke. "Wait. What I don't get is how _Emily_ knew about this?"

The three girls all looked at Emily for an explanation.

"I thought I was supposed to get an option for a dare." Emily was suddenly nervous with the amount of attention on her.

"No way, tell us right now how you could have possibly known about this." Hanna demanded.

Emily looked at the other girls and breathed out a sigh. "Toby." Now the girls were really confused. "A few months ago Toby and Holbrook were assigned to a case together, I think something had happened in Rosewood but it involved someone from New York, or maybe it was the other way around, I can't remember. Anyways, they sort of became friends after that. I was having coffee with Toby a couple weeks ago and he mentioned something about 'Holbrook and Hanna', as if it were a thing I knew about. Which I didn't."

"I'm gonna kill Gabe. And Toby." Hanna muttered angrily under her breath. Then she noticed that since the girl's original outburst, Spencer had been quiet about the whole thing. She looked nervously at the brunette. Spencer wasn't exactly Holbrook's number one fan.

"Spence? Are you ok with this?" Spencer looked up and saw the worried look on the blonde's face. Suddenly a memory flashed before her, of her asking the blonde the same thing about Caleb. She brushed it away and let out a small sigh.

"I know this sounds odd, but I think I am. We can't pretend that we all haven't done some stupid shit in the past, so it's not like we can judge others who got mixed up in everything. And I know better than anyone that we all come with baggage. So Han, if you're happy, I'm happy." Spencer smiled at her friend. She really did mean that.

"Ok, well let's get this sleepover back on track. If I remember correctly, Spencer's the only one who hasn't gone yet." Aria's eyes twinkled at the brunette sitting on the floor. Spencer groaned.

"Oh yeah! Spencer, truth or dare?" Hanna had recovered from her moment of confession and grinned at the brunette.

Spencer sighed. She knew Hanna always asked awkward questions. But she didn't feel like doing a dare either. She drained her shot and set the glass firmly back on the table. What the hell. "Truth."

Hanna smirked. "What happened between you and Caleb?" Aria and Emily both leaned forward. What was this about?

Spencer rolled her eyes. Of course Hanna wouldn't have forgotten about her comment when they were shopping. Maybe it was for the best though. It might be good to get her friends' perspectives. Maybe it would help her sort out her own feelings.

She looked down at the hands in her lap. "We almost kissed."

Hanna looked at her, disappointed. "Almost? Talk about a letdown Spencer." She smiled at her friend.

Aria was curious now. "What happened Spence? I thought you guys had decided to just be friends."

Spencer looked at the girl wryly. "I don't remember truth or dare having so many follow-up questions." She looked down to gather her thoughts, before looking back up at her friends who were awaiting an explanation. "We did decide to be friends. Well, _he_ decided at least." She glanced back down at her hands, a sad smile briefly lighting on her face. "It actually happened last night. We were in the barn, he had asked me about James' birth. I told him and then there was this…moment. He leaned in and was about to kiss me, but then James starting crying on the monitor and I ran out of the barn." She shrugged matter-of-factly, as if she had just told you the sky was blue.

"Wait, so _he_ almost kissed _you_?" Hanna leaned forward from her chair. Didn't Spencer just say that Caleb was the one that wanted to be friends?

"Well I wasn't exactly shooting him down, but yeah, he was the one that started it." Spencer smiled sadly. It was all so confusing for her.

"So what does this mean for you two? Do you think you'll get back together?" Aria quietly asked from the couch.

Spencer let out a small sigh. "I have no idea. We haven't really talked since then. I know I still have feelings for him, but I kept pushing them aside since I was sure he didn't feel that way anymore. Maybe he doesn't, maybe he just got caught up in the moment, or a memory, I don't know. Besides, I'm not sure if it's worth the risk. If things fell apart again, I don't think I could handle it. And I can't do that to James." The last two sentences were barely whispers. The other three girls looked at each other, not knowing what to say. It was easy to give pat answers like 'life is short' or 'no risk, no reward' but none of them had ever had a kid involved.

Emily was the first one to speak up. "There's probably no easy answer to all of this Spence. But you should talk to Caleb." The other brunette nodded. Then Emily thought of something; she knew Spencer wouldn't appreciate Emily bringing it up, but when else would the four of them be together again? She decided to go for it.

"So if this all happened last night, what was that thing with Marco?" Spencer's glared at Emily, irritated that the swimmer had mentioned the run-in from this morning.

"Wait, what thing? Who's Marco?" Hanna responded. Aria nodded in agreement, both girls wearing matching expressions of confusion.

"It's not a thing. We ran into Toby at the Brew this morning, Marco was with him. He's the new detective." Spencer said with a grimace.

"But Emily said there was a thing. What happened?" Aria questioned.

Spencer was silent as she crossed her arms. She wasn't going to say anything, since _nothing had happened_. For someone so guarded Emily sure had no trouble spilling other people's business.

"Well, the part about us meeting him this morning is true. But it was like Toby and I weren't even there. They were practically stripping each other with their eyes." Emily smirked slightly. She knew Spencer was angry with her, but she'd get over it.

"Spence!" Hanna and Aria both exclaimed, smiles on their faces.

Spencer rolled her eyes at Emily's description of events. "That is _not_ what happened! We talked to Toby, he introduced us, Marco said I had a weird name and that was it. Then end." Spencer refused to give them any more.

"Oh come on Spence, there has to be more. Emily wouldn't have brought it up otherwise." Hanna continued to dig at Spencer.

"Yeah, thanks for that Em." Spencer's eyes practically threw daggers at Emily, who just shrugged in response. "Ok fine. We may have flirted _a little_. But I don't see what the big deal is!"

"Spence, the big deal is you went from almost kissing Caleb one night to flirting with a stranger the next morning. Maybe nothing happened Spence, but it's clear there's something going on with you. What is it?" Aria's quiet works and large wide eyes got to Spencer. She felt tears prick her eyes.

"I don't know! This past year has been so insane. I know it's a copout to blame hormones, but it's true, they do mess with you. It was so hard being alone and pregnant and having James. And then coming back here and having to tell everyone. The last couple of months have been great, Caleb is so good with James, and we're getting along. But I'm _so tired_ of pretending I don't have feelings for him. And then this morning…it just felt good to flirt. To have a man look at me like he wanted me, and not just because I'm the mother of his baby or because we have history. It felt new, and fun, and…uncomplicated." She wiped at the tears that were falling onto her lap. She needed a drink. Thank God she could this weekend. She grabbed the vodka and quickly downed two shots, feeling the warmth of the alcohol coat her throat and stomach.

Aria got up and moved to where Spencer sat on the floor. "Spencer we're not judging you. We love you. I think we can all agree that you've been through a lot this past year. And there's nothing wrong with a little flirting." Aria said as she comfortingly rubbed Spencer's back.

Spencer bit her bottom lip. "But what if it's not just a little flirting?" She noticed as the girls all raised their eyebrows. "I mean, I _did_ feel something when we talked. What if there is something there? I love Caleb, I know I do. But I can't just sit around forever. What should I do?" Spencer dropped her head into her hand that was propped up on her leg. She no longer made an effort to stop the tears slowly running down her cheeks.

The other girls looked at each other. They wanted to help their friend, it was clear she was in hell. But what was the right advice? Aria and Emily were at a complete loss as to what to say. Hanna surprised herself by being the first to speak up.

"If Caleb doesn't have feelings for you he's an idiot." The other three looked up at Hanna, surprised. "Look, I know this is weird coming from me, but you two are good together. You had something real. Anyone could see it, even me, before everything...you know. And now that you have a baby, it makes complete sense for you to be together. If he can't see that, he's an idiot."

Spencer smiled weakly at Hanna as she wiped her eyes. "Thanks Han. That means a lot."

It was quiet again until Emily spoke from her place on the couch. "I think you should go for Marco." Spencer, Hanna, and Aria all looked at her in shock. Their friend didn't usually like to offer such definitive advice into other people's love lives.

Emily took a breath and prepared to explain herself. "Look, I know how you feel about Caleb. I'm pretty sure everyone _but_ Caleb knows how you feel about Caleb." Spencer looked down at her lap, embarrassed by Emily's words. She hated being so transparent. "But you've been hiding behind your feelings for too long. And if he's not reciprocating you need to move on. And I was there this morning. I know you're at least a little curious about Marco, I say you find out what's there."

"Wow Em. That sounds like a speech Hanna would give. Well, a tamer version at least." Aria smirked at the blonde.

Hanna shrugged. "I can't argue with that, because it makes complete sense. Besides, maybe if you hook up with Marco it might light a fire under Caleb." Hanna's eyes sparkled with laughter.

Spencer smiled and shook her head. "I think we're a little beyond jealousy games. And just so we're clear, I'm not 'hooking up' as you so eloquently put it, with _anyone_. But maybe you guys are right. I can't sit around and wait forever for Caleb to decide if he loves me or not. It certainly couldn't be the worst thing in the world to see what else is out there." Even just saying that hurt Spencer a little. But it was time she got on with her life too.

Hanna put her hands on her lap and stood up. "Well, I think Truth or Dare was a bust. Or maybe the best thing ever. Either way, we are not nearly drunk enough. Who's up for tequila shots?"

* * *

Spencer awoke the next morning with a massive hangover. She hadn't touched alcohol in over a year, what made her think trying to keep up with Hanna was a good idea? She groaned and tried to move, but discover Aria was wrapped around her. The girl could never keep her hands to herself in her sleep. She pried off the short brunette's limbs and carefully stood up. She need pain relievers and water. A bucket of coffee couldn't hurt either.

She stumbled into the bathroom and found some ibuprofen. After taking two, a drink of water, and brushing her teeth she began to feel more human. She looked at herself in the mirror and groaned again. There were bags under her eyes, her hair was sticking out in a frizzy mess of waves, and her makeup was smeared all over since she had forgotten to take it off the night before. She washed her face and attempted to get her hair under some semblance of control then headed for the kitchen.

She was usually the first one up, so she was surprised to see Hanna in the kitchen already. The blonde didn't say anything when she saw Spencer, just grabbed the largest coffee cup she had, filled it, and pushed it in front of the brunette.

Spencer lifted the cup to her lips and took a long sip. "Mm, that's good. How have I gone this long without coffee?"

Hanna smirked slightly. She wasn't in as much pain as Spencer, but she did have a bit of a headache. "Well you must have been off it for awhile, you're not complaining that it's too weak."

Spencer just glared at the blonde. "Why did you let me drink so much last night?"

Hanna shrugged. "I like Drunk Spencer. She's way more fun than Nerdy Spencer."

"I haven't been Nerdy Spencer in a long time." Spencer scoffed.

"Fine then. More fun that Mommy Spencer. But you'll always have a touch of Nerdy Spencer." Hanna smiled back at the girl.

Spencer just grunted at Hanna and took another sip of coffee. She was too hungover to be witty.

"So how do you feel about your decision last night?" Spencer looked up at Hanna's question. Her decision? Had she agreed to something while she was drunk? "You know, the whole Caleb/Marco situation." The blonde explained.

Oh. Right. That. Spencer let out a sigh. "Still the same. I think it's probably time to start getting over Caleb. I need to protect my own heart. I'm not saying I'm going to go home and call Marco up, but...I guess I'll just be open to something."

Hanna nodded. "I agree. I just...can I see your phone for a minute?"

Spencer stood up, confused, and retrieved her phone from her room. She gave it to Hanna, who proceeded to flip through her pictures for a couple minutes until she found what she was looking for. She passed the phone back to Spencer. On the screen was one of the pictures Spencer had shown the girls, of Caleb, James and her in the park. She looked up at Hanna, awaiting explanation.

"This may sound conflicting advice but when I look at this picture, it's pretty obvious Caleb has feelings for you still. He may even be in love with you. I just don't think he knows it. I agree that you can't wait around forever, , just..." Hanna knit her eyebrows together in concern. "Just be careful. I love you. Both of you. I'm secretly rooting for you two to be together, but I'll support you in whatever decision you make."

Spencer smiled softly and looked down at the photo. She was taking the picture and holding James, who was in the middle. She was smiling at the camera but Caleb had his head turned and his eyes were squinting a bit due to the light. She had always thought he was looking at James but now she saw what Hanna did. Caleb was looking at her. And if a stranger was looking at it they'd probably say that Caleb looked like a man who was very much in love. She shook her head. Even if he was, he had made it very clear that he only wanted to be friends.

"Maybe you're right Han. I just don't know how much longer I can wait for him to realize it. But you know me, I never do anything without thinking through the consequences."

Hanna smiled. "I don't know, it must happen occasionally. You did have an accidental baby."

"Hey, James is not an accident! He's a surprise..." Spencer smirked. "Besides, Hanna, condoms _and_ the pill!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're the cautionary tale that terrifies us all." Hanna smirked as she took another sip of coffee.

Aria came out of her room just then, and sat down on a stool beside Spencer, crossing her arms and putting her head down, murmuring something.

"What was that Aria? You gotta speak, no matter how hungover you are." Spencer teased. She was feeling much better than before.

"Need. Coffee." Aria responded angrily.

Hanna chuckled as she poured her friend a cup of coffee. Her friends really needed to learn how to handle their liquor.

* * *

Since none of them felt like preparing breakfast, they had gone out to a diner close to Hanna & Aria's apartment. The rest of their visit was light, leaving the heavy conversations to the night before. Once they had eaten Spencer and Emily loaded up the car and headed out of the city, Spencer anxious to see James.

"Spence?" Spencer was humming along with a song when Emily caught her attention. She turned and looked at the tan girl with an eyebrow raised.

"I just wanted to apologize. For yesterday. It probably wasn't my place to bring up Marco." Emily looked at her friend apologetically, but she didn't see any anger.

Spencer gave her a small smile. "It's ok Em. Honestly it was probably for the best. Talking to you girls helped a lot."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." The brunette responded frankly. "I guess just do what I've been doing. And be open to other...opportunities that might come up."

Emily nodded. It sounded like the right thing. She just hoped she had done the right thing by encouraging her friend in the first place.

They decided to abandon the topic after that and discussed other things for the remainder of the drive. They made record time getting back to Rosewood, probably because Spencer drove like a speed demon to get home. She barely let Emily grab her things out of the trunk before she was on her way home. Pulling in to the driveway she didn't even bother taking anything out of the car, she practically ran into the house. When she didn't hear or see any sign of James and Caleb in there she went out back to the barn.

She smiled widely as she opened the door and found the two playing on the floor. Caleb heard the door open and he looked up, shooting her a smile as he picked up James.

"Look Jamie, Mama's home!" James looked over at Spencer and he squawked and flashed her a smile. She raced over to them and Caleb quickly passed the boy to her. She squeezed him tightly, inhaling his soft baby smell, running her fingers through his longish dark hair that seemed to stick out in all directions.

"Hi baby, Mama missed you so so much! I am never ever ever leaving you again, it's too hard!" She placed kisses all over his face as he squirmed and scrunched his face, trying to avoid her.

Caleb chuckled. "Please tell me you're not gonna be one of those mothers who completely smothers her son and he grows up to be a whiny pansy."

"I don't care how pansy he is, he's my baby and I'm never leaving him again!" She smiled. Of course she was teasing, but she was just so happy to be back. She felt like she had been missing a limb or part of her heart the whole time she was away.

They sat down on the couch as she loosened her hold on James a bit, setting him in her lap. He couldn't sit up completely on his own, but he was getting there. "So how was your trip?" Caleb pulled a basked of laundry over to his feet and proceeded to fold a bunch of tiny shirts, pants, and onesies as they talked. She filled him in on her time with the girls (leaving out a few of the conversations), he told her about the funny things James did and that she missed one of the most awful diaper changes ever. She laughed and told him she wasn't sorry.

The rest of the day was spent getting caught up on chores, spending time with James, and just enjoying being back. Occasionally she thought about the near-kiss, Marco, and Caleb's possible feelings for her. Maybe it wasn't the smart thing to do, but she brushed it off. She knew she should talk to Caleb, but there'd be time for that later. Right now she just wanted to forget about relationships and enjoy the day.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everybody! I'd just like to say that writing this story has been so fun. This is the second last chapter however; it was supposed to be the last, but it just got way too long so I cut it in two. I don't want to drag this out too long, it has already taken on a much larger life than I thought it would :) I also hate the idea of getting tired and abandoning it, so the ending will be posted some time this weekend.

If you don't like Marco, you might hate this chapter. But I promise it's an important part of Spencer & Caleb's story. I checked some youtube clips of him to get an idea of how to write him. Full disclosure: I didn't completely hate them together. Honestly, I think I just want to see Spencer happy lol. But as far as _this_ story goes, I am fully committed to the Spaleb endgame, and promise it will be worth it.

I need to give a shout out to **Patricia** , I absolutely adore all your comments. And you're right, Spencer & Caleb _should_ be mature enough to talk about everything, but I hope it makes sense why they aren't. Plus, a story would be boring without a _little_ tension and drama ;) Most problems in life are because people don't communicate properly.

I don't own anything related to Pretty Little Liars (I'm not sure I need to say that for every chapter, but whatevs).

* * *

Another month or so passed and still Spencer and Caleb had never discussed what had happened in the barn. Caleb seemed to have forgotten all about it and Spencer decided not to press the issue. Maybe it had been a bigger deal in her mind. Things went very much back to normal as they fell into their routine with each other, sharing delight at the little things James did and discovered as he grew. Spencer's social life improved as she made more of an effort to see Emily and Skype with the girls. She and Toby had even met up a few times, as things had definitely moved into friendship territory with him. He had met someone, a girl in Maine, and she was genuinely happy for him.

It was getting colder as winter drifted in, which meant their outings grew more restricted. Spencer had to get out of the house though, so she bundled her and James up decided to take a walk to the Brew.

She was relieved to step inside of the warm building; it had been colder than she anticipated. She ordered her tea and settled them at a table, removing her coat, hat, and scarf, then removing some of James' layers so he'd be more comfortable in the stroller. She gave him a couple of toys to occupy himself with as she pulled out a book. Before she had a chance to find where she had left off, a shadow fell across her table.

"I guess we get to meet again after all." The smooth, velvety voice caught her attention and Spencer looked up to see Marco's smiling face.

She smiled back. "I told you, it's a small town."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

She motioned for him to take the chair across from her as she put her book away. He sat down and looked over at James, a smile still on his face. "So I take it he's your?"

Spencer beamed. "Yup, he's mine. This is James."

"He's a cute kid. He must take after his mother." Spencer rolled her eyes at the obviously cheesy line. Marco's eyes twinkled back at her.

"Thank you, but actually he looks exactly like his father, so apparently you think my ex is cute." Spencer smirked back at him as she took a sip of her tea.

Marco chuckled. "Ok, I deserve that. So…your ex huh?"

Spencer looked down, blushing slightly. She couldn't remember ever describing Caleb like that. It was true though. They weren't together. But why did she say it like that? As if he was completely out of her thoughts, a part of her past. It probably had something to do with the gorgeous man sitting across from her. She let out a slight breath before responding. "Yes. We had ended things right before I found out I was pregnant. But Caleb's a fantastic dad to James, and we've been making it work so far."

Marco shook his head slightly, a smiled still across his lips. Did this man ever not smile? "Good for you guys. I'm trying to think how raising a baby with any of my exes would work and I can't see it going that well."

"Well maybe you need to pick better women." Spencer teased.

"Apparently I do." That damn smile. And now there was a look in his eyes. A look she hadn't seen in another man's eyes in a very long time.

Spencer cleared her throat and decided to change the topic. "So how are you liking Rosewood so far?"

Marco thankfully read the signs and went with Spencer's lead. "I like it. I've never lived in a small town before, so it was a bit of an adjustment. But so far I have nothing to complain about."

Spencer nodded. "I've always felt Rosewood had a certain…pull to it. It's a hard town to forget." For so many reasons.

They continued making light conversation until their cups ran dry. Spencer knew she had to get home, James would probably need to eat soon. She stood and started the process of dressing him, then put her own hat and scarf on. Marco had picked up her jacket and held it open for her. As she put it on he used the opportunity to lightly brush his hand across her back and down her arm. She looked him in the eyes and murmured her thanks. He was smooth, she'd give him that.

"Have dinner with me." They had just exited the coffee shop and were about to continue in opposite directions when his request came.

Spencer looked at him carefully. She remembered what she told the girls about being open. But this felt a little too open.

"Tell you what. Why don't we see if we run into each other again. You can ask me then." She gave him a slight smile.

"Well it is a small town." He matched her smile with a larger one.

* * *

Spencer returned home pensive, going over her impromptu visit with Marco. There was a part of her that wanted to say yes to his request for dinner. But she was also nervous. The last man she had dated was Caleb. And they had been friends for so long before they were romantically involved that she wouldn't have even called it dating. This was different. She hadn't been on a first date in forever. She hadn't had these butterflies eating her stomach. It was both exciting and terrifying.

She was feeding James in the kitchen when Caleb came in from the barn. James had recently started on solids, so he was sitting in a seat attached to the edge of the island beside Spencer as he mashed some avocado in his hand. Seeing she was otherwise occupied, he went to the kitchen to start preparing lunch for them.

"Did you enjoy your walk?" He asked from the kitchen island.

"I did. It was colder than I thought it would be, but it was nice to get out. I don't mind winter but I hate how housebound it makes you. Especially with a baby around." She said, her eyes looking down at James as she attempted to get him to eat something his lunch instead of play with it. She elected not to share the part about running into Marco.

Caleb just nodded. He finished making lunch and set a plate in front of her then stood on the other side of James to eat his own. They didn't really talk much as they ate, mostly laughed and commented on their son's inability to get food in his mouth.

As soon as Caleb was done he put his dishes away, running a hand through his hair. "I know I usually watch him in the afternoons, but I have some extra work to do. Do you mind?"

Spencer looked up at him and shook her head. "Not at all. Any ideas on what you want for dinner?"

"I'm sure whatever you make will be fine. I'll see you later." With that he disappeared back to the barn.

* * *

Caleb settled down on the couch with his laptop and files in front of him on the coffee table. He did have work to do; but it wasn't extra work. He hadn't been concentrating lately and as a result it was taking him longer to finish his projects. He knew what it was that was distracting him, but he had no clue what to do about it. He ran a frustrated hand through his long hair. If he did that much more he'd be bald soon.

Spencer was different since she had come back from New York. He knew that something had almost happened between them the night before she left. But they didn't have a chance to talk before she was gone, and when she came back, it was as if she had forgotten about it. And seemed distant lately. When she smiled at him, it didn't quite reach her eyes, it didn't have the same warmth in it as before. They didn't talk about things like they used to. He felt like she was pulling away from him and that was terrifying.

But why should it be? It wasn't as if they were together. He had made sure of that. When he first found out about James, he couldn't even think about being in a relationship, with anyone. And even though he had understood Spencer's actions and wasn't angry with her, he didn't trust her as much as he used to. He wasn't ready for anything more than remaining friends, he had to protect himself. Now he wondered if he had lost any chance he may have had with her for good.

There was that million-dollar question though: did he _want_ another chance with her? The easy answer was _of course_. She was Spencer fucking Hastings. He'd be a fool to think there'd be another woman like her. And it was further cemented by the fact that they have a child together. But then why did he feel like something was holding him back? He knew he had feelings for her. Was it simply lust? Was it love? Was it the fact that she was the mother of his child? Was it their history? He had no answers. And until he did he couldn't say anything to her.

With a sigh he picked up his laptop. He needed to get to work. Thoughts of Spencer and the confusing storm of feelings she brought up would have to wait.

* * *

Another two months went by. James was a little over nine months old now, crawling all over the place and pulling himself up on furniture. They had put up baby gates everywhere and made sure all breakables were out of reach. Spencer was panicked that he was going to be walking before he was a year old; he was growing up way too fast for her.

She and Marco had seen each other sporadically several times – it _was_ a small town – and even though he asked every time, she always found a reason to turn down his request for a date. She genuinely enjoyed their time together, and she loved his persistence. But there was always something holding her back though. _Caleb_.

Whatever had been between her and Caleb had cooled off considerably. He seemed to be working more than ever. Unless they both had to do something with James she never saw him. She thought that this might make it easier to get over him. Out of sight, out of mind, right? But instead it frustrated her. They had become friends again when they both returned home. They had to. But it felt like she had lost her best friend again. He was there, of course, but different. Like a shell of his former self. She wanted to ask what was going on, but things were so awkward and strained between the two of them lately it didn't feel like her place anymore.

Then one day while in the grocery store she had yet another run in – literally – with Marco. Luckily she had dropped her basket and not James, who was balanced on her hip. He bent down to pick up the contents that had spilled over the floor.

He handed it back to her, his ever-present smile on his face. "You know, if you wanted to talk, you could have said so, you didn't have to run me over."

She laughed. "Sorry, I was in a hurry. I should probably look both ways and signal before turning around corners."

"Well, as long as you drive safer than you shop, you shouldn't have a problem. Hey James, how's it going buddy?" He ran a hand over James' hair, who smiled back at Marco. James was usually with Spencer when they saw Marco, so he was familiar enough with the him.

Spencer looked back at Marco. They were always able to flirt and banter easily, and conversation ebbed and flowed so smoothly. She never second-guessed herself, never wondered what his feelings for her were. It felt good. And the whole time she wondered why it couldn't be this way with Caleb.

They had said their goodbyes and Marco turned to leave the store.

"Marco?" His name flew out of her mouth before she had a second chance to think about it. He turned around to face her and she couldn't believe she was saying the words. "Have dinner with me?"

He flashed a huge grin at her. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Spencer came home from the grocery store, a slight smile on her lips and butterflies in her stomach. She put James down on the floor, and he proceeded to scoot and crawl his way to the kitchen where Caleb was sitting with his laptop. He looked down and picked the boy up, giving him a smile.

"Hi Jamie, did you have a good time at the store?" Caleb asked him.

"Mama!" Was James' reply. It was the only word he could say, and it made Spencer's heart melt every time. She knew it was the easiest word for a baby to say, and reminded Caleb of it. They were both working with James to say Dada.

"Yup, you went to the store with Mama." Caleb just smiled in Spencer's direction. She hadn't made eye contact with him yet and seemed a little distracted and flustered. After putting away the groceries she found herself with nothing to do, so she finally turned around to face Caleb.

"Are you busy tonight?" She asked nervously.

He shook his head. "Not if I don't need to be. What's up?"

She sighed and toyed with a towel sitting on the kitchen counter. She looked down as she spoke. "I have a date. With Marco." She glanced up at him to see his reaction. The two had never discussed how they would handle a situation like this, and she knew she was kind of springing it on him.

Caleb raised his eyebrows in surprise. He knew Spencer had mentioned coffee with Marco a handful of times over the past few months. They had talked about it when Caleb had awkwardly walked in and seen them at the Brew together. But she hadn't said that Marco was interested in her. Or that she was interested in him.

"What time?" He responded in a cool tone, hoping not to betray what he was feeling inside at her announcement. He knew this shouldn't bother him so much.

"He's picking me up here at seven, I can make sure James is fed before I go." She responded calmly.

Caleb shook his head. "It's ok, you'll need to get yourself ready. We'll be fine."

Spencer looked at him, trying to see some type of reaction. She didn't find anything. "Ok, well, thanks. I better take him up, it's time for his nap."

Caleb just nodded and passed the boy back to his mother. Once they both disappeared upstairs he ran a hand through his hair and pulled out his phone. Finding a number he hadn't need to use in forever, his fingers hammered out a quick text.

 _I need to see you. You free tomorrow?_

* * *

Spencer smoothed down the front of the green dress she had bought in New York. Hanna was right, it really was a fantastic dress. She was glad she had listed to the blonde. She took another look at herself in the mirror. Her long hair was twisted up into a low knot at the base of her neck, and her makeup was light but perfect.

Satisfied with her appearance she came down the stairs into the family room where Caleb was playing with James on the floor. He looked up when he heard her coming and was certain his jaw dropped. She was looking for something in her purse so he was able to recover in time before she looked over at them.

"Marco should be here soon. Did James eat?"

Caleb nodded. "Just. I thought we'd play for a bit before his bath and bedtime."

"Sounds good. Ok baby, Mama's gonna go for dinner. I'll be back soon." She picked up the boy who at that moment decided to return a portion of his dinner onto her shoulder.

"Jamie, no!" For some reason she only used his nickname when she was frustrated with him. The mess was mostly on the back of her shoulder so she turned to Caleb who had stood up to help. "Is it bad?" She asked, her eyebrows worried.

Caleb had a slight hint of laughter in his eyes. "I don't think it's ruined, but you'd probably be better off changing into something else for tonight."

Spencer sighed. "Alright, here you take him, if Marco comes, could you get the door? I'll be back down as soon as I can." She rushed upstairs and stripped off the green dress and carefully wiped some of the food off. James never spit up anymore, of course he had to do it tonight. She looked at the stain and decided a drycleaner could probably get it out. She was relieved, she really did love that dress.

She pulled out a simple black one and quickly got changed. She thought she had heard the doorbell a few moments ago and wasn't completely comfortable with Caleb and Marco together. She made her way downstairs to see that she was right. Marco and Caleb were talking in the entry politely, mostly about James who was in Caleb's arms.

"Hey, sorry about that." Both men turned to look at her as she walked from the family room to the front door. "I had a quick wardrobe change after Mister here decided to repeat his dinner on my other dress." She affectionately ran her hand over James' hair as she spoke to Marco.

He just smiled, his eyes crinkling up. "No problem. But if this is you're second choice for a dress I'm a bit disappointed not seeing your first." She blushed slightly. Caleb rolled his eyes, but both Spencer and Marco didn't notice.

She put on her coat and then turned back to James and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Bye baby. Be good for Daddy." She looked up at Caleb. "I'll have my phone, call if you need anything." She knew he wouldn't need to. He just nodded as they left, closing the door softly behind them.

"Well Jamie, what should we do?"

James just grinned at his dad, and yelled the only word he knew how to say. "Mama!"

Caleb smiled at the boy. "Sorry pal, tonight it's just me." He lifted James up and blew a raspberry into the boy's stomach, making him shriek with laughter. He was glad that whatever was going on between him and Spencer, he could count on his son to put a smile on his face.

* * *

Marco took Spencer to a little Italian bistro in Philly. The food was perfect, the wine was perfect, the conversation was perfect. Spencer enjoyed herself immensely. She forgot how much fun dating could be. Learning things about another person, telling them stories your friends already knew, laughing over new shared jokes.

But every so often random thoughts would pop into her head. How Caleb would have enjoyed the meal she picked. How he wouldn't need to ask if she preferred red or white wine. How he would have driven a bit slower, even though James wasn't in the car. She brushed the thoughts aside. This was what getting over someone felt like. Right?

They stayed out longer than they intended. Spencer had remembered a gelato place that was in the area, so they had walked there from the restaurant. She rarely wore heels anymore, which she was thankful for during the walk. As they ate their cold dessert on the way back to the car, Marco reached for her hand. It struck her with a new intensity how much she missed being in a relationship. She missed holding hands, leaning into someone, being able to look into their eyes and not have it complicate things.

Marco pulled up to Spencer's house somewhere close to midnight.

"Thanks for the ice cream." He smiled at her as they slowly walked to the door.

"Technically it was gelato. And you're welcome." She smirked. "It was the least I could do after you wouldn't let me pay for dinner."

Marco chuckled. "My mother would disown me if I let a woman pay. Especially on the first date."

"Well, you could have told your mother that since the woman asked you to dinner, the polite thing would be to let her pay. Or would she have disowned you for being asked out by a woman too?" Spencer teased.

They were at her door. He just smiled, that smile that made his eyes crinkle up into his face. "Probably. But if we're getting technical, I asked you out first. Many times."

Spencer smiled gently, her dark eyes looking into his. "Yes, you did."

Marco didn't respond right away. They were at that moment of the date. Where you are saying goodbye but you know what comes before goodbye and you're both waiting in anticipation. He reached up and put a hand on one side of her head and pulled her in.

Their lips met and Spencer thought how different this was. How long it had been since she kissed anyone. How long it had been before she had kissed anyone but Caleb. Because ever since Madrid she had never seen the point of dating, let alone kissing. Not when she already had the perfect man in her life, even if they didn't do things like this.

It didn't take her long to kiss him back. She enjoyed the way his lips moved against hers, the way he tasted spicy and clean at the same time. The kiss remained chaste, neither felt the need to deepen it. They parted and looked at each other, knowing the enjoyment was mutual.

"I better get inside." Spencer said in her raspy tone.

"Alright." She was glad he didn't say "I'll call you" or "can we do this again sometime?" She knew how he felt about her. It was evident from the moment Toby had introduced them.

"Thanks again. For tonight." She said, one hand on the doorknob.

"Anytime." He flashed her another one of his smiles and only turned back to his car once she was in the house.

Spencer wandered to the kitchen to get a glass of water before heading upstairs. She was surprised to find Caleb on the couch, working on his laptop.

"I didn't think you'd still be up." She was slightly flushed from the kiss and the excitement of the date. She pushed away the slight pang of guilt (or was it hope?) that he was waiting up for her.

"Yeah, I don't really like being in the barn when he's upstairs sleeping if there's no one here." She nodded as she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it. Veronica was away for the week, so it wouldn't have been safe to leave James in the house alone, even with the monitors.

"Besides, I needed to check with you about something." She turned to face him as she drank her water. "I need to head to New York tomorrow, it's something for work. I know it's short notice, and I wasn't sure if you had anything planned."

She shook her head. "No, there's nothing. Will you be gone all day?" She never asked about his work specifically, knowing he couldn't talk about it.

Caleb shrugged. "I'll be leaving early, but I'm not sure how long I'll be. I'll let you know when I'm on my way home."

"Ok, thanks for letting me know. I'm gonna turn in. Night Caleb."

"Good night Spence." He watched as she took the stairs up to her room, leaving the kitchen when she was gone from his sight.

* * *

He was true to his word and left early, around six am. But he had lied to Spencer for the first time an a very long time, since this trip had nothing to do with work. He thought about everything that had happened over the past six months and by the time he was pulling up alongside her apartment building, he was more confused than ever about how he felt.

He sent her a quick text that he was on the way up. He was slightly out of breath by the time he had climbed all seven flights. He chuckled about her living in a place with no elevator, considering how much she had always refused to do any kind of sport or physical activity.

He knocked on the door and she answered, giving him a smile, genuine happiness in her eyes to see him.

"Hey Hanna." He gave her a much weaker smiled. He knew it didn't reach his eyes. Maybe _she_ was happy but he was in hell.

"Caleb. Long time no see."


	9. Chapter 9

Here it is, the final chapter! I had so much fun writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Extra thanks to everyone who liked, followed, or commented. **Coffee Reveries** I loved your reviews and look forward to reading your Spaleb story now that mine has wrapped up :)

Epilogue to follow :) (I couldn't resist...)

* * *

Spencer woke the next morning to the morning rays hitting her face. She rolled over and immediately thought about the previous evening.

She had enjoyed herself. She wasn't really surprised by that. She knew Marco enough to know that the date was going to be good. She was a little surprised at how _much_ she enjoyed it though. How much she enjoyed the kiss. She hadn't thought about kissing anyone but Caleb in ages.

She let out a sigh. Conflicting emotions swirled inside of her. Because after a first date like that, a first kiss like that, she should feel refreshed, giddy, excited, eagerly anticipating when she could see Marco again. But all she could think about was how much she wished it had been Caleb. Truthfully she had thought that these feelings were going away. She had tried to get over him. Granted it was a challenge when he lived in her backyard. But she really thought she was getting past it, that she was ready to try something new. To be with someone who wanted to be with her and showed it.

She heard James babbling on the monitor so she went to get her son. While changing and feeding him she had more time to think and reached a decision. She just hoped she'd be able to go through with it.

Knowing Caleb wasn't going to be around, she spent the morning downstairs with James, playing, reading, and generally relaxing around the house. Around noon she finally got changed out of her pajama shorts and t-shirt and into some real clothes, just in time for a knock to sound on the kitchen door. She went to open it and was surprised to see Marco standing there.

"So I was thinking that after a night like that I couldn't just wait around for you to call me, so I brought lunch. A little birdie told me you like Sarno's." He smiled as he held up the paper bag with the restaurant's name on the side.

She smiled back and opened the door wider for him to come in. "Your little birdie was right. And I have a feeling your little birdie's name is Toby." She smirked at him as he set the bag down on the kitchen island. James had crawled over to him so Marco bent down to pick him up and proceeded to chat with him while Spencer grabbed plates for the food.

They talked easily over lunch, something they never seemed to struggle with. It was casual, friendly, they didn't even so much as brush hands. But as they finished, Spencer saw that look in his eyes and knew she had to tell him. She gently pushed her plate away from her and glanced over to the family room to see James happily occupied stacking blocks.

"Marco, I think we need to talk about something."

He nodded. For once he didn't smile. "I was wondering if this was coming."

"You should know, I've really loved getting to know you. And our date last night was perfect. Really. I like you, quite a bit actually. I just…" She trailed off, unable to say the rest of her thought.

"You're in love someone else." He said quietly. There was no anger or malice in his voice. She looked at him and and saw the understanding in his eyes.

"Yes." The word was barely a breath. "I'm not sure how he feels though. But I know I'm not ready to do this right now. It wouldn't be fair to you."

Marco nodded and stood to go. Spencer walked with him over to the door.

"I think there's something here Spencer. But I understand that the timing isn't right." He reached out and took one of her hands. "If it ever is though, give me a call." He squeezed her hand as he let it go. Spencer nodded her agreement and leaned over, gently kissing his cheek.

He turned to go, and she went back into the house, hoping she had made the right decision.

* * *

Caleb followed Hanna into her apartment. He had never been here, and he quietly took in the surroundings. It was small, but very Hanna. Just then someone came walking out of the bedroom.

"Han, have you seen my jacket?" Gabriel Holbrook looked around, then noticed Caleb standing there. "Oh hey Caleb, Hanna mentioned you were coming over this morning."

Caleb remembered Spencer said something about Hanna and Holbrook, but he didn't know it was serious. He recovered in time to speak. "Yeah, she was kind enough to let me come by before she had to work."

"You're just lucky I don't have any meetings until eleven today." Hanna smiled. "Babe, I put you're jacket in the closet where it belongs. Honestly, I don't understand how you can't remember that." She rolled her eyes as she retrieved it for him. He put it on as the two exchanged a quick kiss before he was out the door. She turned around and faced the man standing in her kitchen.

"Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee maybe?" She looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, coffee would be great actually." He turned and sat down in the armchair in the living room. After a minute she was in the living room handing him a steaming mug, holding one herself as she settled into the corner of the couch that was next to the chair.

"So? What's up?" Hanna had a pretty good idea of what it was.

Caleb sighed and ran a hand through his hair again, causing Hanna to smirk. "What?" He asked innocently.

She shook her head. "You always used to do that when you were stressed. Or confused. Or upset. Or nervous."

He sighed. "You're right on all accounts."

"I take it this is about Spencer?" Hanna took a sip of her coffee. She'd have to pry it out of him. Some things never changed.

All of a sudden Caleb felt awkward. "Sorry Hanna, this is weird that I'm here, isn't it?" The blonde just shrugged. "I shouldn't be coming to you about this, it isn't fair to you, I'll go." Caleb set his still full cup on coffee table and started to stand up before Hanna stopped him.

"Caleb Samuel Rivers, sit down!" Caleb sat down again and smirked slightly at his ex-girlfriend. He recognized that tone. "You came for a reason. And I think it's because you need help and you didn't know who else to talk to because no one knows you and Spencer better than I do. Now what is going on with you?" Hanna's voice had softened.

Caleb just stared at the mug on the coffee table and traced the handle with one finger. "I think I'm losing her." His tone was quiet, almost scared.

Hanna sat quietly. After a minute she spoke slowly, her voice low. "Is she yours to lose?"

His head snapped up and he looked at her, his eyes slightly narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

Hanna took a deep breath and set her cup on the table in front of them. "You made it clear to her that you wanted to be friends, nothing more. Can you blame her if she's moving on?"

"But we've been through so much together. And now that we have James, I just…I don't know, I thought…." He twisted his fingers together, avoiding eye contact with the blonde.

"Caleb, what happened? Why did you text me yesterday?" She put a hand on his knee, compassion in her eyes. It was obvious the man was in turmoil.

"She had a date." Caleb said quietly.

"With Marco." Caleb looked at her, eyebrows raised. He shouldn't be surprised Hanna knew already, of course Spencer would have said something. "Yeah, with Marco."

Hanna just nodded. "And you're…jealous?" She asked carefully.

"Maybe. Partly. I don't know. It's not exactly like that. I'm just so confused. I want to be with her. I do. But I fucked it up so bad before Hanna. I can't do that again. There's way too much at stake now. What if we get back together and I screw it up again? What if I just want what I can't have? You know, like with…." He stopped talking before he said too much. Hanna was being kind enough right now, she didn't deserve to hear that.

"Like with me?" She asked, looking at her hands. He should have known she would know what he meant. "Han, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. Really. How I felt about you, it wasn't like that. I'm not explaining myself right…" He trailed off again. It was like he was incapable of completing a thought.

"It's ok Caleb, I get it. I've had a lot of time to think about everything. You said you had fucked up before, with Spencer. The truth is we both did. We never should have gotten back together. Everyone thought Spencer was the horrible friend, hooking up with her best friend's first love. But Caleb, she loved you for _years_ before she was able to act on her feelings. She asked me how I felt about the two of you before she let anything happen. _She_ did everything right. I didn't. I let her break up with you, knowing she loved you. And I took you back so quickly, knowing how much it hurt her. _I_ was the horrible friend Caleb. I felt so guilty about that for a long time, especially after she disappeared. We _both_ fucked up. " Hanna brushed at a tear that starting rolling down her cheek.

"Hanna, I'm so sorry. I made such a mess of things back then." Caleb also felt tears prick his eyes as he thought about all the pain he caused the three of them.

"Caleb, I don't blame you. I don't regret anything either. I probably should, but I can't. I'm who I am today because of it. Spencer and I have talked and forgiven each other for everything that went down. We're fine. But what I learned from all this is that you can't go back. Maybe in another life we were meant to be together. But with everything that happened with A…I don't know. For so long we weren't in control of our futures. We were fighting just to have them and we all made some stupid decisions as a result. But it doesn't do any good to wonder what might have been. I'm happy now. I'm in control of my future now." Hanna placed a hand over Caleb's.

Caleb let out a deep sigh. "You're probably right Han. But I still don't know what to do. What if she's moved on? What if I can't love her like she deserves?" He looked at her, a tear falling down his cheek. He swiped at it with the back of his hand.

"Caleb you're kind of an idiot aren't you?" She said softly, shaking her head with a smile. He looked at her, confused. She picked up her phone and he could see her scrolling through something until she stopped and handed it to him. On the screen was a picture he had seen before. It was Spencer, James and him in the park. The picture was a few months old. Caleb looked up at Hanna, waiting for an explanation.

"Spencer had shown us this picture when she came to New York the second time. When I saw that picture, it didn't just look like a happy family to me. That looks like a man completely head-over-heels in love with the woman in the photo. Caleb, I think you've been in love with Spencer for just as long as she's been in love with you. I just don't think you realized _how much_ you love her until now."

Caleb looked back down at the photo and suddenly everything clicked in his head. He saw it. Not the picture on the phone, but the metaphorical one. He couldn't believe he had been so blind. But now he saw it and it was her; Spencer Hastings was the whole damn picture.

He just hoped he wasn't too late to tell her.

* * *

Spencer was in the kitchen, cleaning up from the day. James had been put to bed. It wasn't that late yet, but she was worried about Caleb. He had left so early that morning, and hadn't called or texted to say if he was one his way home. It was at least a two hour drive from New York, she hoped he had just decided to stay the night. Still it would have been good to hear from him and know he was safe.

She thought about her day and her conversation with Marco. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she also hoped she wasn't giving up too soon. He was a great guy and he did make her feel good. But he wasn't Caleb.

She was still lost in her thoughts when the kitchen door burst open. She jumped, laying a hand on her heart.

"Caleb, what the hell! You scared me! And you were supposed to call when you left, I thought maybe the project went long and you decided to stay overnight." He had taken long, hurried steps over to where she was by the island and just stood there until she finished talking. She looked at him, her eyebrows knit together. He was acting strangely.

"Are you going see Marco again?" He asked her in an even tone.

Spencer's mouth dropped open. She snapped it closed as brief thoughts flashed through her mind. What business was it of his if she saw Marco again? Of course it was his business though. They shared a child. Everything she did was a little bit his business, the same in reverse for him. Besides, why did he care if she saw Marco again? She sighed and decided to tell him the truth.

"No, I—"

As soon as he heard the word "no" his hands were on either side of her face, and he was pulling her to him, kissing her roughly with all the passion he had been holding back for months, maybe even years. All he could think about was how right it felt to have his lips on hers. As if they had belonged there the whole time and were just happy to be home.

It wasn't a terribly long kiss. He broke it off before she could get over the surprise of it and kiss him back. He needed to see her face. He needed to know what she was thinking right this second.

He stared into her widened eyes that were growing darker by the second. "Please tell me that wasn't a mistake." His voice was a whisper.

She looked at him for a second before reaching up and pulling him back to her. Their lips met again, less rough but with just as much passion since she was able to respond to him this time. She briefly remembered that she had thought that kiss with Marco was good. If that was good this was amazing. Incredible. Mind-blowing. Marco who?

She couldn't contain herself. She was soon placing hurried kisses along his jaw and down his throat, before going back to his lips. And then he was gently biting her bottom lip and running his tongue over it, silently begging. She gladly parted her lips and their tongues met in a dance that they remembered all too well. It was both familiar and new. She moaned into him as they explored each other again, recalling the feel of one another.

He ran his hands down her backside, cupping her firmly before hoisting her up onto the island. She wrapped her legs around his torso as he stroked her thighs. She ran her hands over his muscular shoulders, delighting in the way they rippled beneath his shirt. She suddenly needed to feel them without the fabric barrier. She frantically grabbed at the hem, whimpering as she tried to get it off while keeping her lips on his. He detached himself from her long enough remove it himself, and she couldn't believe how much she missed him in those few seconds. She pulled him back to her, anxious to feel his lips on hers again, running her hands over his chest and shoulders. His mouth found her neck, he missed being able to kiss her beautiful pale throat. His traced a trail with his tongue down to her collarbone where he placed hot, open mouthed kisses, as she finally found the ability to speak.

"Caleb." Fuck, he loved the way she said his name. That breathy, raspy voice drove him insane. He moved his mouth back to her neck. "Caleb, I need you to take me upstairs." He reluctantly pulled away and looked at her. Her eyes were hooded and filled with lust and love and a host of emotions he couldn't name right now. She was flushed, her skin blotchy and reddened from where his hands and mouth had been, her hair mussed from his hands running through it. Her chest was rising up and down, her breathing erratic, her lips swollen and red. He couldn't remember when she had looked more beautiful.

He plucked her from the counter as she kept her legs wrapped around him. She was so light he was able to carry her that way upstairs as she distractedly kissed all over his neck, shoulders, and chest. They finally reached her room where he sat her down on the bed. She quickly went for this belt buckle and before he knew it he was down to his boxers as he covered her with his body, giving her another deep kiss as she ran her hands all over his back. She loved his back. She had always been a sucker for back muscles. While she was obsessing over that he worked her shorts off and she was left in her underwear and t-shirt, her bra already neglected before he had come home. He kissed down her neck again as he ran his hands along the sides of her torso, ghosting over her breasts, causing her to shiver. He lightly stroked a nipple through her shirt and she gasped, her centre filling with liquid heat. He needed to feel her skin. He grabbed the hem of her shirt shirt and started pushing it up when she roughly snatched it from of his hands, surprising both of them. He stopped what he was doing to look down at her.

"What's wrong? Do you…do you want to stop?" He asked her tentatively, his breath heavy. He would of course. If she needed to. But he prayed that she didn't because he couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this. Or maybe he did, since it was probably the last time he had been with her.

"No, of course not!" She reassured him, laying a hand on his cheek. "It's just, I…" She grew quiet, biting her bottom lip and looking away from him. He rolled off of her and onto his side, resting his head in one hand.

"Spence, what is it? We don't have to do anything, if you're not comfortable or not ready." He knew what she said, but he didn't know what other problem it could be.

"Oh trust me, I'm _more_ than ready." She let out a breathy laugh as she glanced over at him. She bit her lip again and looked away before she spoke again. "I just..I look different. Than before." She blushed and kept avoiding eye contact with him, toying with the hem of her shirt.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. In all the time he had known Spencer she had never been self-conscious about her body. She never tried to hide herself from his gaze, no matter her state of undress. But they hadn't been together since before she found out she was pregnant. Her body had been through enormous changes, not to mention how it would have affected her emotionally. It made sense she would feel self-conscious. He'd have to do his best to make her believe he couldn't care less what had changed. She drove him crazy just by existing.

"Spence, look at me." He waited until her eyes met his. "Believe me when I say this. You are the most exquisite, gorgeous creature I have ever had the fortune of laying eyes on. You could be wearing a parka and I'd melt at your feet." He smiled, not joking though because it was the absolute truth. She blushed as she looked away again. He'd have to try a different tactic. He started by picking up one of her hands.

"This hand? It's beautiful. A work of art on it's own. They way your fingers run through my hair lights me on fire." He placed several light kisses all over her delicate fingers and palm. She hummed in appreciation. His plan was working.

He stroked one of her legs. "Your legs? I could write sonnets about your legs. They drive me absolutely wild. If I saw you in nothing but a t-shirt and your bare legs for the rest of my life I would die a happy man." He placed small kisses up both of the long limbs, loving the way her breath hitched when he reached the inside of her thighs. He stopped short where he knew she wanted him to go, smirking when she sighed in frustration.

Gently he lifted the hem of her shirt. He maintained eye contact with her as he slowly pushed it up just underneath her breasts. It was true, she was different. Her defined abs were gone. Her stomach, though still flat, was not as taut and firm. Faint stretch marks showed like battle scars. There was some loose skin around her belly button that had not magically vanished after pregnancy like it seemed to for Victoria's Secret models.

"And your stomach. This might be my favourite. Because I know this is where you carried our son for nine long months. And I could never thank you enough for that." Tears sprang to Spencer's eyes as Caleb leaned down and placed slow kisses everywhere on her stomach, focusing on the places she considered most flawed. Her breath caught in her throat. What had she done to deserve this man?

"Caleb." She reached out and gently stroked his face, pulling him up to her lips. After reveling in the feel of his weight against her again, she leaned up and without hesitation removed her shirt, baring her body to him, and at the same time her soul. She couldn't remember him ever looking at her with that much love. She couldn't remember ever loving him back this much. What they had before now felt like a shadow, a glimmer of love. But now she was completely certain that this was it. This was real. Oh she had definitely made the right decision.

* * *

The evening had given way to the earliest morning hours as the two lovers were still wide awake. They had spent hours getting reacquainted in a multitude of ways. It had been a long time for both of them, and they now lay sated, a sheet pulled over their naked bodies. Caleb was on is back, his arm around Spencer as she curled up into his side, her head resting on that space between his shoulder and chest. She absentmindedly traced her index finger in little circles over his chest.

"Care to tell me how that just happened?" She said, a wide smile on her face.

He chuckled and she took pleasure in the way the sound vibrated through him. "I had some common sense knocked into me."

She looked at him without raising her head, an eyebrow raised awaiting an explanation. "I realized that I've been in love with my best friend for years, and I've been too big of a coward to admit it. To myself and to her." He ran his hand through her hair as he spoke softly. She smiled and moved to gently place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that." She laid her head back down on him and he circled his arms around her. They lay there for another few moments in the quiet, both thanking the stars above that James was sleeping through the night now.

"Well, it was that and the fact you were falling for Marco's cheesy lines." He said, laughter in his voice. She thumped his chest lightly as she sat up to look at him, her mouth open in slight shock.

"I can't believe you just said that!" She closed her mouth and then thought of something, a smirk appearing on her face. "I guess Hanna was right after all." She said mysteriously, laying her head back down.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" He asked curiously.

She chuckled, drawing little circles on him again as she spoke. "When I was in New York a few months ago, the girls told me I should go for Marco if you weren't going to make a move. Hanna said it might even light a fire under you." She smiled as she remembered the visit.

"I guess it worked." Caleb surmised. "Don't tell me that's the reason you went out with him though." She heard the teasing in his voice.

She shook her head against his chest. "No. We're too old to be playing games like that. Part of me was interested, I admit, but this morning I knew I wasn't ready for anything like that." She sat up, needing to look at him in the eyes. "Not while I was still completely in love with you."

He didn't say anything, just pulled her down into another kiss. It didn't last long and neither felt the need to deepen it given they were still recovering from their earlier activities. Caleb looked into Spencer's eyes as he spoke. "I guess that makes Hanna right again." This time it was Spencer's turn to be confused. Caleb sighed and sat up against the headboard, pulling her up with him. He took her left hand into his right, tracing along her fingers and that little bone on her wrist.

He focused on their hands as he spoke. "I lied to you before. I didn't have a project in New York, I went to see Hanna." He glanced up at her. She didn't react, just waited for him to explain. "I was in hell. I didn't know if I could trust my own feelings, and I was confident that if I tried to start anything with you I'd find a way to screw it up again. After you told me that you were going on a date with Marco, I asked Hanna if I could meet with her. I didn't know who else to talk to. There was no one else who really understood any of this or what we all went through." He looked at Spencer, who was still quiet. He didn't see any trace of anger or jealousy on her face so he continued.

"You know Hanna, she has a certain way of getting through to people. She made me see that I've been in love with you since you came back, probably longer, and I'm basically a big chicken if I didn't do anything about it." He smiled softly, a look Spencer returned. The blonde definitely had a way of telling it like it was."I realized I had been an idiot - her word actually - and that I needed to take a chance on this. On us. And I knew if I didn't I'd regret it the rest of my life. So I left New York and spent the rest of the day driving, thinking, overthinking, and working up the courage to come home and ask about Marco. The rest you know." His mouth turned up at the corners as he thought about what happened after he came home.

Spencer was quiet as she thought about everything Caleb said. Finally she spoke. "I guess I'll have to send her a thank you note." She laughed softly as his eyes widened in surprise at her reaction.

"You're not mad? That I lied to you about why I was in New York? About me talking to Hanna?" He asked her anxiously.

She shook her head. "No. I understand why you did it. Caleb, I've been feeling the same way ever since we broke up. It's why I haven't said anything in the past few months about how I felt about you. I was just as scared that I'd ruin whatever it is we had, and I knew I couldn't handle it if I did. But at least I was able to talk about this with the girls; you've been struggling with it alone all this time. No wonder you were so miserable." She reached up and brushed his shaggy hair over his ear, and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"But I think from here on out, we need to talk to each other." She stated firmly. "We probably could have saved ourselves a lot of misery if we had just been honest from the start."

"You're right about that. And I promise, no more consulting ex-girlfriends on my current relationship." He smiled as he agreed with her statement.

She laughed. "And I'll try not to go out on any more dates with anyone."

"I hope you'll make an exception for me." He grinned at her. "Because I definitely need to see that green dress on you again."

Spencer broke out into a fit of giggles and Caleb just looked at her in surprise, not sure that he had ever seen Spencer Hastings _giggle_.

"Do you realize that by saying that you just made Hanna Marin right a _third_ time tonight?" Spencer finally said after she had calmed down again. "She's the one that picked it out and told me to buy it. And that it would probably get your attention." The giggles were gone and her arrogant smirk had taken their place.

Caleb shook his head and gave a little chuckle. "Maybe that's why James threw up on it. Because you hadn't worn it for _me_." Spencer's eyes and mouth opened in shock as she playfully punched him in the shoulder for the remark. Caleb just laughed. "What can I say, the kid's looking out for his old man." When she tried to smack him again, he grabbed her hand and before she knew what was happening, he had flipped her over so that she was underneath him. The mood in the room immediately shifted.

"Now we _really_ need to stop talking about Hanna. Because I don't want anyone in my thoughts but you." He kissed her, and all the desire and love that had been present earlier returned. Talking and sleep could wait.

* * *

They had managed to get a few hours sleep before James woke them up. After the events of the night before, neither felt like doing much that day. After eating breakfast together they found themselves in the family room, playing with their son.

Caleb went to the kitchen for a drink of water and as he turned around and looked at Spencer and James on the floor, he couldn't remember ever feeling this happy or his heart feeling this full. He walked back over to the family room and sat down on the couch, still looking at them.

"Marry me." The words were out of his mouth almost before the thought formed in his head.

Spencer looked up at him in surprise. She decided he must be teasing her. She was sitting there in her pajama shorts and his t-shirt, her hair in a messy bun, and not a stitch of makeup on. Not exactly a look that a man would want to commit to for the rest of his life.

"Oh sure. How about after lunch?" She rolled her eyes at him as she continued building a block tower with James, saying the colours and letters on each block as she handed them to the boy.

Caleb shook his head, a smile spreading across his face. "I'm serious. Marry me."

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him again, studying him. Shit, was he actually asking her this?

"Caleb, you can't be serious! We literally _just_ got back together." She shook her head, wondering what had gotten into him.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Spencer, we already know everything about one another. We love each other. We're _in_ love with each other. We have a child together. I'm not interested in dating you for another six months or six years or whatever the appropriate amount of time is before I can ask you this. I want to marry you. We've already wasted too much time. I don't want to spend another day without you. If you want, after lunch works for me." He grinned as he repeated her earlier sarcasm.

Spencer looked at him in shock. He meant it. But this was way too soon, wasn't it? She almost laughed at the thought. Of course it wasn't. It was years in the making. He was right, they already knew each other more than most couples do before they get married. They were in love, and had been for a long time. She didn't have to think too hard to know that this was where they would end up eventually. Why not now?

"Okay."

Caleb looked at her, incredulous. Okay? That was all she had to say to him?

She stood up and climbed onto his lap, straddling his hips, her hands behind his neck. No, that wasn't all she had to say. "Okay, I _will_ marry you." She slowly kissed his cheek. "I _want_ to marry you." Another cheek. "I want to spend all my days with you." His nose. "And all my nights." His eyes. "I want to have all of your babies." His forehead. "I want to be your wife. More than anything in the world. So okay, let's get married." Her eyes were dancing as he leaned forward and their lips met in a heated kiss. They pulled apart when they remembered James was on the floor three feet away from them.

After a few moments of grinning at each other like a couple of lovestruck teenagers, Caleb spoke. "So how many babies were you thinking?" Caleb asked, a cheeky smile on his face.

Spencer shrugged. "I'm not sure, but it's probably a good thing you proposed already. I realized this morning that we weren't exactly safe last night." She smirked at him as his eyes widened with his own realization. They _did_ get pretty carried away.

Caleb just smiled. "Well, as long as you don't run off to Arizona again, I think we'll be fine."

Her laugh was silenced by his lips as the two happily embraced again. They may not be able to control _everything_ in their future, but as long as they were together they'd take whatever came their way.


	10. Epilogue

"Come _on_ Emily, she's going to kill us if we're late!" Aria yelled from her place by the door, slipping her camera bag over her shoulder.

"I know, I know, I'm coming!" Emily said as she raced down the stairs of their friend's house, putting an earring on as she slipped her heels on. "Relax Ar, it's not like they're gonna start the wedding without us."

"You clearly just _met_ Spencer if you think she'd wait for us. I'm pretty sure she'd wouldn't wait even if the groom was late." Aria grumbled.

Emily chuckled. Spencer didn't scare her that much. The two girls walked as fast as their could in their heels to the car. Aria quickly raced the car over to the church, already dreading the lecture they were going to get from the pale brunette.

As soon as they walked into the bridal room she started. "Finally! What took you two so long? Honestly Emily, how could you forget your earrings? I can't believe I didn't bring a backup pair. And seriously Aria, you needed to get your camera? There's a professional photographer for a reason! _Now_ do you see why I built extra time into the schedule?" Spencer glared at the two girls as she balanced her one-year-old son on her hip, who was looking adorable in his little tux. His dark hair naturally stuck up in a small mohawk no matter how many times Spencer tried to comb it to the side. She smoothed the skirt of her pale blush pink dress and turned to look at Hanna.

The beautiful blonde was radiant in her gorgeous white dress. She laughed at her maid-of-honour, who was much more anxious about every detail of this wedding than Hanna had been.

Before she could tell Spencer to calm down, there was a knock on the partially open door and Caleb entered the room. "Hey, sorry to interrupt, but it's nearly time. I came to get Sam." Just then a little flash of black darted into the room.

"James Spencer Rivers, no running in the church! Now go with your father. " The six-year-old smirked. He may be a carbon copy of Caleb, but the expression all Spencer. He skipped over to where Caleb stood as Spencer handed him their youngest, Samuel. She gave Caleb a quick peck on the cheek and the two shared a smile as he went back to the sanctuary of the church, holding the hand of their oldest son.

"Well, Hanna, are you ready to become Mrs. Holbrook?" Spencer turned around and looked at her friend again.

Hanna just nodded, eyes bright with excitement and unshed tears. "No Hanna, you cannot cry yet. After the ceremony you can cry to your heart's content." Spencer's tone was firm, but she had a smile on her face to soften it.

"Before we go, I just want to say how glad I am you're all here. I love you guys so much." Hanna looked at each them. They all smiled, knowing they felt the same way about each other.

Before they really started getting emotional, Spencer cleared her throat and clapped her hands twice. "Alright, that's enough. Let's go, we don't want to be late." The other three rolled their eyes and smiled at their friend, the dictator. They grabbed their bouquets and filed out of the room to the sanctuary.

The three girls descended the aisle in their assigned orders. Spencer watched with joy from the front as her four-year-old daughter Claudia and Emily's two-year-old son Milo made their way down the aisle, with a little coaxing from their mothers. She had to choke back tears seeing her friend come down the aisle after that, who only had eyes for the handsome police detective standing at the front. Spencer looked over at him and caught the eye of the best man, Toby. The two friends shared a smile.

She wanted to laugh. It was all a little ridiculous. Or completely wonderful, sometimes she couldn't tell. If you had told her a few years ago she'd be at Hanna's wedding as her maid-of-honour, she may have either laughed, cried, or punched you in the face. But not only was she standing next to Hanna as she married Gabriel Holbrook, the man who arrested Spencer for murder, but the best man was her ex who was now a good friend. Then there was the father of her children and love of her life (not to mention the bride's ex), sitting there in the second row, with one son on his lap and the other sitting next to him as their daughter stood at the front clinging to her mother's hand.

The picture she had seen back in Georgetown was long gone. It had changed nearly ten years ago, in Spain; he had changed it. And even when it seemed like the picture had faded and hope seemed to die, she still always saw it, she saw him. But never in a million years could she have predicted it would look this good.

* * *

The ceremony was over, the cake was cut and the evening was winding down. The happy couple was sharing one last slow dance as their friends gathered around a table, the other guests having left long ago. There was Spencer and Caleb, his arm resting on the back of her chair, her head on his shoulder. Aria and Jason sat next to them, the two friends now sisters-in-law after Aria had married Jason three years ago. Next to them was Paige and Emily, who after years of on-again-off-again relationship status, finally tied the knot and later adopted Milo. Sitting next to Caleb was Toby and his wife Rebecca. They lived in Maine and had two girls, both with stunningly blue eyes. Gabe and Hanna soon ended their dance and joined their friends at the two remaining seats. They had a flight to catch in a few hours, but wanted to visit a bit longer. It was rare they could all be together like this.

"So Toby, when are you going to build Rebecca a house?" Caleb elbowed Toby in the arm, a grin on his face. Everyone loved teasing Toby about the house, because really, who builds a house for someone?

"Hey yeah, I heard about this house you built for Spencer! Why don't I get one?" Rebecca pouted good-naturedly, before a smile spread across her face.

"You don't like the house we have? Well I guess we can sell it and I can build us a shack like that other one…" Toby looked down at her, smirking. She gave him a light-hearted smack on the chest. "Don't you dare, I love our home!"

Toby looked at Caleb. "Well it sounds like I'm off the hook. But what about you two, when are you finally gonna make it official?"

"Yeah, you gonna make an honest woman out of her Rivers? I mean, how did we beat you guys to the alter?" Gabe joined in on teasing Caleb and Spencer. Over the past five years it had become a running joke between the group that the couple was going to be engaged for forever, or at least until they stopped having kids.

Spencer just smiled and looked at Caleb, who had laughter in his eyes. He quirked an eyebrow at her, as if asking her a question, to which she gave a slight nod.

"Ok, stop that. I hate it when you guys do that silent conversation thing. What was that about?" Aria asked from her spot on Jason's lap as she ran a hand through Jason's shoulder-length long hair, his arms circled around her waist. They were one of those annoyingly affectionate couples but for some reason it worked for them.

Caleb chuckled. "Well, we didn't want to steal Gabe and Hanna's thunder but…we already made it official." Spencer and Caleb smiled at each other as everyone else at the table was silent for moment, before erupting into exclamations of surprise.

"Wait, hold up. When did this happen?" Emily's question was the first to be heard through the noise. The others settled down to hear the explanation.

Spencer laughed. "Last week. I had a rotten day with the kids, so when Caleb came home I threatened to leave for a very long vacation by myself. He looked at me and said, "Marry me." I thought he was just trying to be cute, since that's what he said the first time he asked. That made me even more irritated, of course, but before I got _really_ mean he interrupted me and said he didn't want to wait any longer, he needed marry me right away. So I said yes. Well technically I said okay." They looked at each other, smiling over the private joke.

Caleb continued the rest of the story. "It usually takes a few days to get a license but when your mother-in-law is a lawyer and a senator you can work around the system. So the next day we had someone watch the kids and we drove to courthouse in Philly to seal the deal. We stopped at a taco truck for lunch and were back home just in time to put Sam down for his afternoon nap." The two looked at each other and shared a warm kiss as they remembered the day.

"Well I for one am pissed." Everyone looked at Hanna in shock. Gabe raised his eyebrows, wondering why his bride was so upset. "Here we just spent a fortune on this reception and all they did was stop at a taco truck. And they couldn't even spring for us to join them!" Everyone started laughing when they realized Hanna was teasing.

Toby raised his glass. "Well congratulations you two. Only took you nine years and three kids to commit to spending your lives together. Cheers!" Another round of laughter started with Toby's toast as everyone else raised their glasses to the other pair of newlyweds.

* * *

The couple returned home well after midnight. They had gotten a sitter for the reception, so Caleb paid her while Spencer went to check on the kids. Satisfied they were all out for the night, she headed to her room where she found Caleb taking off his jacket and tie. She walked over to him so he could help her with the zipper on her dress. It fell to the floor leaving her in her strapless bra and underwear. His arms automatically circled around her bare torso, his hands moving over the slight bump.

"Do you think anyone suspected?" He asked as he moved her long hair to the side and placed slow kisses down her neck. Her hand moved to the back of his head and she sighed softly, enjoying the feel of his lips on her skin. She never got tired of this.

"I don't think so. At the rate I keep getting pregnant, no one even questions anymore why I'm not drinking." She chuckled. They definitely had been busy over the years. They hadn't gotten pregnant the night they got back together, but Claudia did come as a surprise a few months later after a careless night of makeup sex. Samuel had been their only planned baby.

"I know. But we were so public about Sam being our last one, they'll never let us hear the end of it." Caleb smiled at Spencer as she turned around in his arms.

"Yeah, we probably should have listened to the doctor and waited the recommended amount of time after your vasectomy." She bit her lip, her eyes dancing with laughter. It wasn't _her_ fault she couldn't keep her hands off of him. She ran her fingers through the hair on the sides of his head. He kept it shorter these days, and it was already starting to go a bit grey. She thought it made him look sexy and distinguished.

"Hey I forgot to ask, what with all this wedding stuff going on, how was your appointment yesterday? Everything ok?" He looked at her with concern. With Claudia, Caleb had insisted on going to every checkup and participating in every pregnancy related task, no matter how mundane. He had missed everything with James, so he was excited to be a part of it all. But after going through two pregnancies together, neither felt the need for him to be there every time.

Spencer pulled away from him as she walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth. "Yup, all is good. I'm at 14 weeks, which we already knew. I'm healthy, they're healthy, everybody's healthy." She watched though the bathroom mirror as Caleb hung his suit up, absentmindedly nodding at what she said. She finished brushing, rinsed her mouth, removed her bra and pulled on one of his old t-shirts. She walked over to the bed, took the extra pillows off and turned down the covers. Caleb had brushed his teeth and was coming out of the bathroom, walking towards the bed. Finally she coughed to get his attention, an eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face. Realization dawned on him as he stopped and looked at her.

"They?" His eyebrows shooting up as he spoke.

She nodded her head and smiled, her eyes bright. "They. Two of them."

"You're sure? There's really two in there?" He asked again, as he rushed over and gently moved his hands down to her stomach. She just nodded at him again. A grin stretched across his face as he let out a shout of joy, picking her up and spinning her around. They toppled onto the bed in excitement, Caleb placing kisses all over her face as she laughed, trying to cover her face to fend off the attack of affection.

After calming down again, they lay on their sides facing each other, Caleb in his boxers, Spencer in her t-shirt and underwear. After three kids she never bothered with trying to wear anything sexier. She wasn't self-conscious though. She noticed a long time ago he looked at her the exact same way no matter what she wore: like she was the most irresistible woman in the world. It drove her wild and made her fall even more in love with him, if that were possible.

Spencer thought of how different everything was years ago with James. There was so much uncertainty. But the worst part was that she wasn't able to share it with Caleb, her best friend. Now she could share anything with this man who was her best friend, best lover, best father to her children, best everything.

"I think we should take a vacation. Before the babies come."

Spencer raised an eyebrow at his statement. "Oh? And where should we go?

He smiled. "I was thinking Madrid."

She didn't say anything as a smile slowly spread across her face. Of course. It was perfect. She leaned over and their lips met in a slow, deep kiss. The kids would be up soon, they should probably get at least a couple hours sleep. But sleep was the furthest thing from either of their minds as the kiss grew more heated, their hand roaming over each other in familiarity. They knew exactly where to touch, kiss, lick, and caress to make the other one moan and shiver. They knew each other better than they knew themselves. It was warmth, and lust, and comfort, and love. It was home.

* * *

Hope you guys enjoyed that epilogue! Honestly it was probably my favourite part to write out of this whole story. I know it was cheesy and over the top, but why not ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (I couldn't resist throwing in the twins trope, this _is_ PLL after all ;)

*Fun fact: I was debating between two names for Spencer & Caleb's daughter, Claudia & Collette. I was looking up Caleb's name for Chapter 9 (I wasn't sure if he had a middle name in the show) and discovered his birth mom's name was Claudia :) How perfect, right?


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